Is It Hate OR Love? Jodha Akbar

Chapter 20 : Part 1

Absolute stillness. It was so still that it seemed like everything was lifeless. The wind stopped blowing. Birds stopped chirping. Beautiful waterfalls around the pond were quietly shedding his unwashed tears.

His ears rang loudly with her anguish and bitter words, 'You don't deserve to be loved, I hate you, you have betrayed me, you have played with me.'

Again and again, her brutal words echoed in his ears. Her innocent, distanced eyes with an enormous grief-stricken face frequently appeared in front of his eyes. He could not close his eyes for long, just because he was terrified of seeing her vulnerable, tearful, but hateful sights, even in his thoughts.

The unbearable heartache, sadness, and feeling of emptiness were gradually killing him from inside. He knew he'd lost everything, so he decided not to shed his tears and keep bearing the pain. He wanted to punish himself. He wanted to punish her. he wanted to punish the entire world for his miserable and mournful state.

Millions of pessimistic thoughts captured his mind, 'How could she believe that I have deceived her? How could she even think like that? I have truly loved her. Because of her love only, I realized my heart's existence, which only beats for her. She taught me how to love and care, then why didn't she trust me? Why doesn't she have faith in me? Why doesn't she love me the way I do? I would rather die than see hatred for me in her eyes. Even after extreme hatred, my heart is crying for her. Only because of me, the entire harem was laughing at her. Oh god! Why life's so cruel? I can't take this pain anymore.'

His thoughts were little by little changing from sorrow to anger; anger at himself, anger at her, anger at the entire world. He didn't understand how to come out of this huge blow of emotions. He was losing all his senses.

His inner turmoil

'I have truly loved her, but she has deceived my trust. She has accused me without even allowing me to justify myself. I don't want to face her condemning eyes ever again. I will keep all my sorrows to myself and will never give her any explanation. She will receive the respect of being my special begum, but I will never try to pursue her. All of the queens, who were laughing at her, will soon realize that Jodha is not an ordinary queen, and I will make sure no one troubles her again. I will give her everything, but I would never show my love and deep longing for her. I knew it was my mistake, I didn't keep my promise, but I was helpless; I still don't know what happened to me last night. She was right; Trust is the base of all the relations; if she doesn't trust me, then this is the destiny of my love. She will stay in my heart forever, but I won't see her again.'

Repeatedly, he was having mixed thoughts, negative and positive. His inner turmoil was increasing gradually with time. His heart was crying profusely, but his eyes didn't shed any tears. Her fuming angry red eyes were giving him an intense burning sensation to the core. At last, his strength vanished, and he laid down on the sand, by the side of the shore, like a lifeless body. Then, with a low murmuring sound, he murmured- "Why Jodha? Why don't you trust me? Why did you do this to me?"

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Jodha and Abdul.

Abdul smiled and respectfully said, "Jodha begum, I have complete assurance that you will win my friend's heart."

With an angelic smile, Jodha requested, "Abdul, can you please quickly make arrangements for me to go out of the palace, and can you please inform Ammi Jaan and Reva that I am going to see Shahenshah? Also, please let them know not to tell anyone else where I am going."

Abdul attentively listened, nodded his head, and requested Jodha begum to walk towards the horse stable. Soon Jodha jumped over her preferred white horse, and within a few seconds, swiftly rode towards the pond and disappeared from the palace.