The Secret Five #Wattys2016

Day 187-Hadley

"Help..." he took a deep breath, "me..."

"I am. Just relax and don't focus on anything but your breathing." He was staring at me with wide and worried eyes. After five minutes his breathing became slow and he was able to take a normal deep breath. I put my fingers to his inner left wrist and counted in my head. "Your heart rate is high."

"How high?" he asked softly.

"About 200." He started to cry harder and kept rubbing his chest. "What's going on right now? What caused you to panic?"

"I kept thinking about my father and then something took over and I began to freak out. I was scared. In two months I'm going to be a father and that's scary to me. I never wanted to be like my parents and now, I am them, and Roger is going to use it against me."

"How is Roger going to use your children against you?"

"He keeps saying that I am going to leave my children and I won't care for them. I'm excited about being a father but I'm scared because we are in this cabin with nothing but books and Anya."

"I know and everything is going to be okay because in the end Lock and you will have amazing children who you will love and take care of." He nodded and sighed. He stopped rubbing his chest and looked drained by what happened.

"During your panic attacks, did your chest hurt like a boulder was sitting on top of it?"

"No, it never did for me. Maybe you have something more happening than just a panic attack?"

"Like a heart attack?" his eyes widened.

"No!" I yelled and shook my head. "Maybe because you are handling the raw meat and everything you may have come in contact with some bacteria that is causing your muscles to tighten." He nodded. "How about you stop with the hunting and fishing and go relax with Locklyn and Trace? Maybe come up with names for children. You two have very little time left until the babies get here."

"Okay. Thanks Hadley." He hugged me. "You're the best. You are really taking a lot of responsibility also. Helping me with Trace and Lock and how you are here to help me during my panic attack, thanks."

"Welcome, we're a family, family needs to stick together and help each other out." He nodded and we both went inside. He went into the living room to check on Trace and Locklyn and then was in the kitchen getting more fruit for Locklyn.

I finished the laundry and had Locklyn fold it for me. Anya made dinner and we ate in the living room because it's easier for Locklyn and Trace.

"I have to say something and this was supposed to be done at dinner about a week ago, the day I drowned," Trace said. Anya glanced over at him with a slight smile. "Anya and I started dating back in October."

"Whoa, what?!" Locklyn asked surprised. "When in October?"

"October 20th is when we decided to begin dating. We hid our relationship and feelings because we were scared what you three would think. But now it's getting harder to hide and we want to kiss in public, like around you guys," Anya smiled at Trace and he nodded.

"I'm happy for you two," I said.

"Thanks, Hadley," Trace said and wrapped his arm around Anya. "Now the only person to get a boyfriend is Hadley and then it will be complete."

"I will never get one. Who wants to be with me anyway? After all the shit we are going through, I don't even know how I will survive without you four. Locklyn and Cason are having children and you two are going to be right behind them."

"No, we won't. We are taking things slow. We haven't even had sex yet," Trace said and Anya hit him on the arm. "What?"

"Really? I didn't want them to know." Anya turned red in the face and couldn't look us in the eyes.

"Why didn't you want us to know that, Anya?" Locklyn asked. "I flat out told the whole school the first time I had sex with Cason. He was pissed but it doesn't matter because it is a natural thing in life. You want that feeling and when you first experience the rush and euphoria, you keep wanting it and then you seem free."

"I am just embarrassed, okay?"

"Are you afraid of doing it? You never did it before, right?" Cason asked. She nodded staring down into her lap. "I think you girls should talk about this. I don't know how to handle this talk."

"No!" Locklyn yelled. "You are staying because if we have a daughter, you are having this same talk with her, so this is a teaching lesson for you. I won't be the only one explaining to our children what sex is and what could happen." Cason sighed and shook his head a bit. "Anya, don't be afraid of sex. Go slow and easy the first couple times and then when you feel comfortable, go farther. It's not a competition to see who losses their virginity first, it just happens and you shouldn't be embarrassed about it in front of us. Look at Cason and I, we did it on this couch. That was embarrassing, not being a virgin."

"Okay," she whispered.

"And it's nothing special half the time because you just don't want to do it. You have to want it in order to enjoy it," I said.

"Don't feel like I am rushing you because I'm not. If you want to wait until we are married, then fine, I will. I don't want you feeling like you aren't giving me what I want because you are. I have always liked you, Anya. I want you to know that I will never force you into something you aren't comfortable with. I will ask and make sure everything is the way you want it to be." Trace hugged her and kissed her on the lips. "I love ya."

"Love ya too. Thanks guys, this made me feel a little bit better about myself and everything."

"Welcome, Anya," I said.