Her Most Valuable Possession (Law & Order SVU)

No Turning Back

Evan snapped out of it when she heard the door begin to crack. "Mom?! What the hell are you doing?!" She stood up and pulled up her pants. She didn't even bother to clean up the pool of blood on the floor.

Olivia finally busted the door open. "I know what the hell you were doing! And another thing, you are going to stop cussing at me!" She looked at the floor and sighed. "This terrifies me...one day I'm scared that you're going to cut yourself so deeply that you'll bleed to death and I'm not gonna be here." Her voice began to crack and tears started to spill over.

"I just don't care." Evan said softly. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"That scares me even more Evan!" Olivia said. "Im going to clean this up and you're going to go get changed for your session with Doctor Turner."

"Kay..." Evan said. She turned on her heels and stalked into her bedroom. She didn't bother bandaging the new cuts. She just yanked her sweats off and left them pooled in the floor and slipped into some yoga pants. She slipped on some moccasins and a hoodie and went into the living room to flop down on the couch. She pulled out her phone and earbuds and started listening to music. Then she logged onto the website and checked her notifications.

'I should warn you that you're about to head down a very dangerous and addictive path.'

Someone named queenofthenight replied.

Evan didn't care though. She remembered the high she got from puking. She wanted that feeling again.

'I understand...is it bad I want to do it again?'

Evan replied.

Olivia walked out to the living room in a similar outfit to her daughter's. "Let's go." She said.

Evan got off the couch and followed her Mom out of their home.

The silence in the car was tense.

Evan didn't know what to say.

Olivia didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." Evan said quietly. She pulled out one of her earbuds.

Olivia squeezed the steering wheel. "Honey please stop apologizing." She said tiredly.

"But I am sorry Mom." Evan said.

"It's not your fault baby." Olivia said. She pulled up to the building and cut the ignition. "Let's go. We're already late." She said while unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car.

Evan sighed and took off her seatbelt and got out of the car. She walked in to see her Mom and Doctor Turner talking.

"Hello Evan. How are you doing today?" Marion asked.

"I'm pretty sure my Mom already told you." Evan said.

"She did, but I want to hear it from you. Let's go into my office." Marion said.

Evan followed Marion into her office with a backward glance at her Mom. She was ruining everything.

"Evan, why don't you tell me when you first began cutting yourself." Marion said.

"When my Mom started spending more time at work last year. She missed my birthday." Evan mumbled.

"So you cut yourself?" Marion asked.

"At first it was an accident." Evan said.

"Until you realized you liked it?" Marion asked.

Evan's eyes went wide. "How did you know?"

"I was a cutter too." Marion said. "I cut so I didn't have to deal with my feelings."

Evan didn't say anything. What could she say?

"Do you only cut yourself? What about burning or wrist banging?" Marion asked.

"No. What the fuck?" Evan said.

"You'd be surprised how many ways people find to hurt themselves." Marion said.

After Doctor Turner finished her evaluation she pulled Olivia into her office to talk to her and discuss how they could team up to help Evan through her trauma.

When Olivia and Evan got back home, Evan went into the kitchen and helped herself to a large bowl of chips and a sandwich.

"I'm glad to see you eating." Olivia said.

"Mhm." Evan hummed in agreement. She had already planned to get rid of it. The high from her cutting had long ago worn off and she was after a longer lasting method.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Olivia asked. She was almost afraid Evan would reject her.

"Uh...sure...I'm just gonna use the bathroom." Evan said. She was itching to get into the bathroom and jam her fingers down her throat.

"You're not going to cut are you?" Olivia asked. Doctor Turner had talked to her at length about knowing Evan was cutting her and not being able to stop her.

"No I'm not. You wanna watch?" Evan said smartly.

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "Go. But I'm timing you." She said.

Evan nearly skipped into her bathroom. She closed the door and locked it before running the water and jamming her fingers down her throat repeatedly. Once her throat was burning and heart was pounding and her head was light, she flushed and rinsed out her mouth. She flopped down next to her Mom on the couch. "Let's do this!"