Her Most Valuable Possession (Law & Order SVU)

The Remains of Who She Was

A/N: Sorry it's been awhile since an update. Again, every chapter is triggering until it isn't.
XXLex
Evan lay in her bed whimpering and tossing from side to side. "Please! Stop! No! Don't! STOP!" She screams the final word, bolts upright and looks around her room frantically.

Olivia rushes into the room, flicking on the light. "Baby? You're ok. You're home now." She says as she walks towards the bed.

Evan pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. "I'm sorry I woke you." She said quietly.

"It's ok sweetie. You've been asleep for hours. Do you want something to eat?" Olivia asks as she sits on the edge of the bed.

Lowell's words come back and echo menacingly inside Evan's head. She shakes her head. "No."

Olivia sighs. "Evan..." She felt so fucking useless. "I don't know what to do, honey. Seeing you like this is tearing me apart."

Evan turned away and laid on her side facing the wall. "Then don't look at me." She said barely above a whisper. She felt awful, really. She didn't mean to be so frigid towards her Mother. She just couldn't seem to get out of her head. Everything was a reminder of him.

"Evan..." Olivia said with tears in her voice.

"What?" Evan said with no emotion.

Olivia sighed. She was trying to figure out how they went from happy to shambles in what seemed seconds flat. "I need you to tell me what you need baby." She finally said.

"What I need is for you to leave me alone." Evan said.

Olivia shook her head. "Uh uh...I can't do that. I will do anything in the world for you but I'm not leaving you alone right now."

Evan's bottles up anger over the last week blew up. "I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" She shouted. She climbed off the bed, stormed into her bathroom and locked the door. She slid down to the floor, yanked the towel from the rack, pressed her face into it and screamed. She took a ragged breathe as sobs racked her body and reached to the cabinet in front of her and searched around for the stash of razors she kept in there. She finally found one hidden in her make up bag. She yanked her sweat pants down and stared at her bruised thighs. Tears blurred her vision as she remembered Lowell forcing her thighs open. She was tired of thinking about him. She just wanted it all to stop. She took the blade across her thighs, pressing hard. She sliced over and over again until she felt the buzz of adrenaline rushing through her body. She finally felt like she could breathe. She stared at the weeping cuts as the blood trickled down onto the floor beneath her. She was in a haze. She was riding a high she never wanted to come down from.

"Evan?! Evan open this door dammit!" Olivia cries. She had been calling out to her child for the past five minutes.

Evan snapped out of it when her Mom started pounding on the door. "Shit!" She pressed the towel against the cuts, hissing at the pain it brought. For a split second she wondered if she had gotten too carried away and in the next she didn't give a damn.

"Evan...what the hell are you doing in there?" Olivia asked.

"I'm...uh...getting ready to take a bath so...just leave me alone ok?" Evan said. She stood on wobbly legs and turned the knob to the tub. Her thigh was burning now but she was reveling in the pain.

"I don't think so. Not until you unlock this door!" Olivia said. She was getting ready to ram it down if she had to.

"Please...I don't want you to see me..." Evan whimpered.

"Honey, I gave birth to you, I changed your diapers, I've seen you naked hundreds of times." Olivia said trying to lighten the mood.

"But you didn't see..." Evan trailed off. Her stomach twisted into a hard knot and she wished she could throw up to alleviate it.

Olivia sighed. She had only seen her daughter's bruised face at the hospital, not her battered body. "Do you think that me seeing you like that is going to change anything? I'm your Mom, I will never ever stop loving you." She said.

Evan choked on a sob at Olivia's words. She knew they were true. She just couldn't deal. "I know...but can you please just leave me for a bit?" She begged.

"Ok honey, but please, please don't shut me out." Olivia said. She kept her hand against the door a moment longer before reluctantly leaving the room.

Evan turned to stare at herself in the mirror. She reminded herself of a corpse. She almost laughed when she thought about it. Then she frowned and wondered if maybe she was a corpse now. She was just remains. A shell of who she once was.