Strained

Chapter 29

They flew back right after their last concert and instead of staying in London, they all headed straight first to their family's home for ten days.  The separation had been too long and they needed a kick to pull them back into reality in order to stay grounded and to not lose their mind.

Their family got scared when they saw their face, their baby looked empty of life. They lost weight, their skin was pale with dark rings under their eyes, they barely smiled and it was hard for them to explain how the tour was.  Their voice was uncontrollably shaking while they were speaking as if the memories were too painful or shameful to recall.  The parents sensed that something went wrong and cried with frustration, blaming themselves for not taking good care of their child and the result now, was to see them lost and unhappy.

The boys were remorseful by being the cause of their parents' tears even if they did not admit that they used drugs. But they did not regret at the time to have tried, without it, they would have had a nervous breakdown. However, it was a wakeup call to quit the chemical substances. They could not allow themselves to deceive their parents another time.

Gabriel during the whole week, spent most of his time secluded in his old bedroom. Nothing had changed since he left three years ago for the Rising Stars' audition and he did not want to. It was a sanctuary where the belongings of his childhood flooded the space. He wanted to buy a bigger house for his mother and changed afterwards his mind, refusing to lose the house where he grew up and which was filled with blissful memories. Instead, he paid to make improvements: new furniture's, a new kitchen, new paints on the walls, a new decorated living room... His bedroom was the only space untouched.

Sitting on his bed, he stared blankly at the posters of the Who and the Rolling Stones on the wall in front of him, remembering fondly the moment he bought them with his father and sighed helplessly. He cruelly missed the days when he was free, everything seemed simpler back then and he wished for a second, to go back in the past just to feel again what it was to be careless, to be a nobody and to not have his life completely upside down. Yes he was rich, successful, in good health and adulated by millions of fans but he was not happy. Even if he knew that many people would do anything to have his life, right now, he would gladly hand it if he could.

He thought about the time where management wanted to push Oliver as the new front man to release him from his chores. They were also scared that Gabriel would not be a long term asset. Charles closed almost a deal for Oliver to date another famous American singer to raise his profile but unfortunately it did not work with the girl and for the public anyway, Gabriel was and will always be 'Young Up Spirit'. They loved him and it could not work otherwise. Gabriel had such high hopes about it that he was shattered when he heard the bad news at that time. Things could have been different if he had not been the face of the group. Maybe he would have been happier.

Or not. He realized that no matter what, his status of Pop star would have come with the venomous feeling of loneliness and he laughed at the irony of it as he was usually never alone. But as soon as he stepped outside of his hometown, it was his 'celebrity self' that people were looking for, not his 'authentic self'. He had to act the way he was sold which led every single person he met to either worshipping him or trying to take advantage of him. Everything was fake, inorganic and he often wondered at the end, who he really truly was.

He was so much looking forward to spending time with his childhood friends, people who knew the real him but as he travelled all around the world, saw and did things that they would never be able to relate to, the gap between his life and theirs became too big.  When they listened to him, it was obvious that they were envying him and for the life of them, they could not comprehend why Gabriel sometimes complained. Gabriel tried to explain the reasons but none of them seemed enough to convince them and Gabriel just felt even more misunderstood.  Gabriel never dared to admit to himself that he was jealous of them, jealous of the simplicity of their life, their obliviousness. To avoid any more conflict and to not appear like an ungrateful brat, he never brought the subject again.