RIDING AWAY

CHAPTER 41 - Do I really have to deal with it? I'd rather get barreled...

"What's on your mind?" My eyes popped open for the second time that day to find Noah hovering above me. I shrugged and my eyes widened when he lifted his hand and caressed both cheeks tenderly. He then showed me his glistening fingers. "Maybe talking about it will help you feel better..." He offered.

Why would I confide in him of all people?! I wondered inwardly at the same time my mouth opened to answer him.

"I'm so mad at Riley for giving up on us..." I muttered wondering whether he had some hypnotizing power or something.

He settled down on his side, his head resting on his folded arm.

"What do you mean by giving up on us?" He asked softly.

"He refused to tell me what was wrong." I explained. "It was as if he was hoping the problem would disappear if he didn't address it..." I went on. "I'm positive we'd have found a solution if he'd talked to me but he chose not to and I could tell in his eyes that he knew our days together were counted..." My voice broke at that. "The week before, he kept telling me how much he loved me..." I huffed. "Some kind of love that was..."

Maybe it was me. Maybe there was something wrong with me that made people unable to truly love me.

"He didn't know she was faking it..." Noah muttered a few seconds after my outburst.

"So?" I sniffled.

"So you were already broken because of that actor guy, your stepmother, your father, me..." He paused sadly. "He loves you so much that he chose to sacrifice your couple instead of subjecting you to the burden it would have been for you to accept to help him raise an unwanted kid with his ex..."

I frowned.

"I...I... No... D-do you think... B-but the end result is still the same!" I exclaimed angrily after his explanation had brought a glint of hope inside me.

"It is, unfortunately..." He agreed. No matter how you looked at it, Riley and I could never go back to the way things were. "You could still have another go at a friendship, though..." He added in a low voice, as if he was worried about the way I'd react to his suggestion. "Once time's healed the deepest wounds..."

Could I be friend with him again after all that had happened? I asked myself. Could I really trust him again after that?

Now that I knew he acted this way to protect me, my anger had subsided but it still hurt. It probably was too early to know whether I could forgive him or not, whether I could give him another chance or not.

I shook my head.

My heart was bleeding the love I'd been feeling for him. How could I even think of forgiving him? How could I stop seeing his lies, his hollow eyes after he chose what was supposedly best for me?!

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him..." I finally admitted, feeling totally depressed.

"Why?"

"How am I supposed to forget that we kissed and were intimate? How am I supposed to pretend that everything's ok when he goes back to his old ways? How am I supposed to let him wrap his arm around my shoulders loosely again after he used to give me butterflies?" I cried out and I was heaving by the end of my list of questions.

"If he was here right now and kissed you. Would you let him?" Lincoln intervened.

"I'd probably push him away but I don't see..." He interrupted me mid-sentence.

"Why?"

Why indeed?

"Because he's disappointed me, because he's lost the indefectible faith I had in him..." I replied in a small voice.