(STU's university page)
STU Stories
23 mins ⊙▽
Dear Mr. Intrams, M.D.
I told myself years ago that if ever our Uni page is still live when this day comes, I would tell everyone the continuation of our story.
I would tell you our story.
Una kitang nakita nung freshman ako sa BS Biology. Sa swimming class. Magaling akong lumangoy pero dahil pagod ako sa isang activity the previous day before the swim, namulikat ako. No one believed I was drowning. Siguro, hindi ako masyadong kumakawag. Or maybe, even when I shouted back then, mahina pa rin. You were at the opposite side of the pool but you dove into the water and saved me. I cried when you pulled me out of the pool, while coughing out water. Maybe, I worried or startled you with my bawl. Kinuha mo yung panyo sa bulsa ng pants mo and offered it to me. Our eyes met, you smiled, and I held my breath. That was the moment I fell for you.
I always watch over you since then. That one day, when I couldn't take your loss, I sent you a message using an account named En Visible. I had been your Invisible Girl. Your someone to talk to. Your someone to ask how your day was. Your someone who wishes you a nice day. Your 9PM.
Who would have thought that you would fall for me, too? Nagkasama tayo sa loob ng 283 days. Nanligaw ka kasabay ng thesis mo at lab duties/internship. You were ideal. Lagi tayong may date kahit na halos wala kang tulog. Nasa bahay ka kahit na nandun ka lang para gumawa ng academic papers. You never fail to bid me goodnight. You never fail to greet me good mornings. Lagi mo kong sinusundo at inihahatid. Lagi rin akong may rose hanggang sa nakalbo yung garden nyo.
May mga araw na sa sobrang pagod mo, hinahayaan kitang matulog muna sa kotse bago mag-drive. You would close your eyes and fall asleep. Panonoorin naman kita. At tuwing nahihimbing ka na, hinahawakan ko ang kamay mo. So you would know I was right beside you. I would sit in silence until you open your eyes again.
Those were our happy days.
On the 283rd day, you left for UCLA. Right after graduation. Hindi ko alam noon kung kakayanin nating maging in love at masaya sa long distance relationship. Akala ko noon, understanding, forgiving at patient ako. I learned with you that I am not. I am possessive, demanding and clingy. I am always lonely with you away.
I learned a lot more about myself dahil sa relationship natin. Ganun pala yun. We get to debunk our own myths and get to the truths of ourselves when we love, when we're tested, when we're lonely.
I love you a lot. The distance made me terrible.
Our first year was okay. Nakauwi ka pa para sa debut ko at nung spring break nyo. Pagdating ng second year, araw-araw na yata akong umiiyak after ng video calls. I hated the distance. Sometimes, I hate you, too. Oftentimes, I hate myself.
Nakapasa ako sa sponsorship sa ospital nyo nung third year na ko. A guy came who openly told me he likes me. A girl came to you, too. I was jealous. You were jealous. We fought terribly.
You asked me to study Medicine with you. Diyan sa UCLA. I declined. Mostly, out of pride. Ayokong gastusan mo ko. Ayoko ring iwan na mag-isa si Nanay at si Yani. You were hurt. I was hurt. We fought more.
Sa third year mo diyan, dumalang na ang pag-uusap natin. I was a freshman in Med. You were in your third year. I was overwhelmed with schoolworks. You were, too. Lagi tayong pagod. The talk became mechanical, tiring. I would cry missing the old times.
Sa fourth year mo, halos hindi na tayo nag-uusap. You have internship in Med. I was rebellious. Kung sinu-sinong pinagselosan ko. Kung sinu-sinong pinagselosan mo. Bago pa tayo mag-usap, pagod na tayo pareho.
We ended up making excuses for our busy schedules.
And then, one day, I saw a photo of you with another girl.
I didn't talk to you for days. When I did, I was crying.
I realized that I only seemed to hate you because I missed you so much. Because I hated it that we were apart. I wanted you to do something about the distance kahit na dapat naiintindihan ko na nag-aaral ka.
And you cried, too. Because you missed me that much, too. You reminded me that I am all that you look forward to. And that it was hard to be apart.
Nakalimutan kong hindi lang ako ang nahihirapan. Na hindi lang ikaw ang malayo sa akin. Malayo rin ako sayo. And while I was here with Nanay, you were alone in UCLA.
I was blinded of needing, missing, and wanting you so much that I didn't realize you were needing, missing and wanting me that much, too. That I have to do something about us, too.
I was selfish. I neglected you when I thought you neglected me. Pwede namang ipinilit ko pa na maging mas present tayo sa isa't isa.
I was sorry.
So before your residency, I flew to spend time with you and I gave you myself. It just happened. We didn't even think nor talk about it. Siguro, dahil parehas tayong baliw sa isa't isa. Siguro, dahil masyado nating na-miss ang isa't isa. Sigurado, dahil mahal natin ang isa't isa.
I couldn't get enough of kissing you and assuring myself that we're together.
I realized how crazy we still are for each other.
So, we started again. We left messages for each other. Long voice messages not answered in real-time. We had video calls na walang nagsasalita. Just you and me, both working on our desks. We had video calls na pinapanood mo kong matulog o pinapanood kitang matulog. We had video calls na kumakain.
But even with that, I love you and you love me.
You loved me even when I was being immature and in love. I loved you even when you were being too overwhelming.
We love each other even when we seemed to have forgotten how we started.
We love each other until we remembered...
I remembered how when I was invisible, you were the first person to see me. You watched over me. You loved me. You made me feel wanted.
You claimed me yours.
I remembered how when you were grieving, I wanted to be that one person for you - cheering for you and loving you in silence.
I remembered the days we were together more than the days we were apart. I remembered how you are my super crush - until now.
I remembered that awkward girl who typos and emojis with you. Who stammers and murmurs. Who was shy to tell you I love you.
I remembered that clingy guy who teases me so much. Who stares too long to make me blush. Who never tire to tell me he loves me.
I remembered the magic of us.
Yes, we got mad and hurt each other. But like you said, 'let's get mad and forgive each other after'. We did that.
We survived that.
Last summer, you gave me a ring to wear for when you come home. Sabi mo, isusuot mo sa kin kapag nagpaalam na tayo kay Nanay.
I'm sorry, honey, but I'm already wearing it. I already asked Nanay to let me marry you.
You are already engaged to me. Congratulations! Yey! ＼(^o^)／ (/^▽^)/ ＼(^o^)／
I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
I love you so much, MM ko.
***
Invisible Girl, M.D.
