Maria woke to the sound of Shrek's ferocious roar.
Leafy must of panicked at his failed flirting attempt and fled as soon as he knew what green, greasy, freak of nature that closely resembled a booger you would sometimes find stuck to the bottom of a table awaited upstairs.
Shrek busted through the basement door.
"MARIA, PRAISE THE LORT OR YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF MACHO MAN, RANDY SAVAGE!1!"
"Praising the lort is all I know, mom."
Shrek was now boiling with rage.
Abruptly the voice of the Youtuber Cr1tikal could be heard, off in the distance.
"What's up everybody it's Cr1tikal, I'm the new announcer for Friday night's WWE smackdown. Let's do this shit."
Maria was now standing in the corner of a wrestling ring, and Shrek was in the other. Shrek was wearing a Sonic blue body suit, showing each and every roll.
Boi was thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.
Maria was wearing the most emo outfit possible, the clothing she was wearing was so dark that it absorbed any and all light that came contact with it, making Maria a walking heater and nearly invisible due to lack of light.
She wore black skinny jeans and a Black Veil Brides shirt. She had fake screw in ear gauges and wore a choker (fucking poser lmao). She had black vans too. What an emo fuck. This bitch don't stand a gottdamn chance.
"My anus is clenching." Cr1tikal announced.
Maria turned around, and her anus clenched too. Macho Man, Randy Savage was walking up to the ring wearing nothing but sunglasses, a cowboy hat, and speedo underwear covered in glitter, 3 sizes too small.
"YEAH YEAH YEAH." Screamed the Macho Man.
The crowd was chanting, "GOODBYE EMO!"
A single tear rolled down Maria's cheek.
"GOODBYE EMO!"
She whispered to herself, "No daddy."
"GOODBYE EMO!"
"Not like this."
She looked into the crowd, and in the front row, Leafy was sitting there.
"FIST ME DADDY!" Maria screamed at the Lizard King.
Suddenly the Macho Man picked her up by the ankles and then started to swinging that bitch around and fuckin THREW THAT BITCH ONTO THE FLOOR LIKE HE SAW A GOTTDAMN COCKROACH AND WAS GOIN' IN FOR THE KILL WITH HER DAMN FACE.
The Macho Man was hyping the crowd up. "I'M THE TOWER OF POWER, TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR, I'M FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY, THE SKY'S THE LIMIT AND SPACE IS THE PLACE!"
Maria rolled over to face Leafy.
"DADDY PLEASE!"
He gave her a thumbs up.
The Macho Man was suddenly surrounded by lizards.
The Macho Man began turning red. "THIS IS ENOUGH TO GET ME TO THE BOILING POINT!"
In a deadpan voice Cr1tikal said "They say there is only seven deadly sins however I argue that is incorrect, for the eighth deadly sin is angering Macho Man Randy Savage."
The lizards began devouring his skin, slurping at it like a watermelon.
The Macho Man began screaming at the lizards, sounding as if he was in the middle of shitting out all of Donald Trump's shitty ideas at the same time and doing everything he could to expel the shit from his anus. "I HATE YOU... I HATE YOUR GUTS!"
Shrek let out a hawk screech.
The Macho Man had been defeated.
Leafy jumped into the ring and onto Shrek's shoulder's.
"WHÄT ÁRË ŸØŪ DÕÍÑG ÎŃ MŸ ŠWÁMP!?!?"
Cr1tikal spoke again, "Prepare your nipples, ladies and gentleman. This is gonna be a big one."
Shrek attempted to throw Leafy off, but Leafy's thighs were too strong. Leafy crushed Shrek's head between his thighs like a watermelon.
Maria was now permanently traumatized from the death of her mother, but was also very turned on.
She looked up at Leafy.
"Be my sugar daddy?"
"Would you eat crickets for your Lizard King?"
"Maybe." She responded.
"I'll think about it." And with that, Leafy left, but he let a piece of paper covered in orge blood behind. It had his number.
It read: 850-244-3425
She decided she would text him later that night.
YOU ARE READING
me n my lizard daddy
HumorMaria was just a normal girl, until she fell in love with the Lizard King.
