Imaginary Boyfriend

Chapter 36

            My words had really touched a nerve. Instead of feeling good about it, I just felt even worse.

            “This is your fault. Sam left you because you didn’t put him first. I had nothing to do with it!”

            “No, but you jumped at the opportunity to get him back! You don’t love him, you’re just using him to get back at me.”

            “I’m done.”

            My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Done with what?”

            “You,” she snarled. “You keep making out that I’m in the wrong when I haven’t done anything half as bad as you!”

            “You tried to ruin our relationship!” I practically screamed.

            “Only because you took something that didn’t belong to you!” she yelled back with more power in her voice than I had ever heard. “You took away the only good thing I had in my life.”

            I clenched my fists. “He broke up with you! If he hadn’t, I never would have started dating him.”

            Sarah stared at me in disbelief before closing her eyes and exhaling sharply. I watched her rub her temple in an attempt to calm herself down. I took her silence as a chance to keep speaking.

            “I forgave you after you kissed Sam. Do you know how much strength it took to do that? You just couldn’t stand to see us happy.”

            Her eyes snapped open and the fire in them had gone out.

            “I love him.” Her voice cracked as more tears ran down her face. “You have no idea how long I have loved him. Do you know how happy I was when he asked me out? It didn’t make my day, my month, or my year. It made my life, because before I met him I wasn’t living, I was just existing. I spent years building walls to protect myself from falling in love, and he broke every single one of them down without even trying.”

            Every horrible thing I wanted to say to her died in my throat. My stomach dropped as I realised that she wasn’t lying. I could tell by the look on her face—nobody could fake that look. She was truly heartbroken, and I had basically rubbed salt on her wounds. I was an awful, awful person and I immediately regretted my harsh words towards her

            “He broke up with me for you. He will never love me. I will only ever be a friend to him.”

I stepped forward, my arms open to hug her, but she spurned my advance by pushing me away and heading for the door. “Oh, and I didn’t sleep with Sam. What’s the point? It will only end up in you two hating each other, and me hating myself.”

            And then the door slammed shut for the second time today.

            I wanted to run after her, to apologise for how selfish I had been, to beg for her forgiveness, but my legs wouldn’t move. I was rooted to the spot, staring at the empty of space where she had stood.

            She was right. I took away the first ever man she’d ever loved, and I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew how fragile she was when it came to relationships, ever since she had given away her virginity to somebody who she thought she could trust, only to have it blow up in her face. And I still took him.

            Burying my head in my hands, I groaned. I never knew just how much she loved him. Yeah, she had admitted it before, but Sarah’s idea of love had been distorted for a very long time and I never really believed her.

            But she did. She loved him just as much as I did.

            My mind wandered back to when I found out that they broke up, and how I never even bothered to go see her. And how I constantly called her a bad friend when all along it was me.

            My brain finally connected with the rest of my body and I was running out of the apartment.

            “Sarah, wait!”

            Her back was turned from me and I watched her freeze on the spot. Taking my chance, I grabbed her shoulders, spun her around and hugged her.

            “I am so sorry,” I mumbled in her ear.

            She stumbled back from the sudden weight, but soon enough her arms wrapped around mine. “I know, it’s okay,” she said, sniffling.

            “No, it’s not okay,” I said sternly, pulling away but still holding onto her arms. “I should have been there for you. I’m the worst friend ever. Don’t forgive me so quickly.”

            She laughed shakily through the tears. “I’m not. I’m just saying… I understand.”

            “I will do anything it takes for you to forgive me. Name it, and I’ll do it.”

            Her sad eyes lit up. “Can we… hang out? You know, like the old days. I miss that.”

            I missed it too. I missed the days when the only thing we had to worry out was what we were going to have for dinner. A massive weight was lifted off my shoulders as I quickly nodded in agreement.

            “By the way,” Sarah said as we walked back to my apartment, “I’m sorry too.”

            “No, I completely understand why you acted how you did,” I said quickly.

            “I’m still sorry. I saw the way he looks at you and I just… got jealous and I lashed out. I never should have kissed him.”

            Unwanted memories threatened to resurface, memories about the night the three of us went to a nightclub and how unwanted I felt, but I shook my head, refusing to think about them.

            “It’s in the past,” I smiled.

            Sarah smiled too and just like that, we were friends again. It felt good to sit and watch countless episodes of Friends and to just forget about Sam for a while. I knew I would have to sort things out with him too, but I had to take things one step at a time. Right now, I was rebuilding my friendship with Sarah and I needed to provide her with my full attention to make up for the times we neglected each other.

            A smile crept onto my face as I watched her scoff down three packets of crisps by herself and grin at every funny joke.

            We were going to be okay.