Window View (Incomplete)

8 .

It's funny how you wish for better to come and when you feel that moment arriving , it's taken from you just as fast as it came .

I'm angry , bitter , and frustrated . It's been over a few days since I've spoken to Tre which was sadly my last . I cried every night since then but only a part of my soul cried because the other half of me wouldn't accept the fact that she was gone .

How could she leave me here alone to face these problems . She was supposed to be my hero . She was supposed to save me since I'm not strong enough to save myself .

"Lani you need to eat." My dad said groggily as he pushes a plate of food in front of me .

"You need to eat too." I told him . I push the plate back . Kaleb was happily eating his rice , ignoring our obvious misery that we're now living in .

My dad lightly chuckles , sliding his hands down his face . My dad tried everything he could to save her . He created a storm when we heard the news that the doctors couldn't bring her back . I feel in my heart that it wasn't her time to go . I honestly believe that she isn't gone .

Gazing up at my dad brought back the conversation that Auntie Sandra and I had about him supposedly 'raping her.' I use quotations because it seems unreal . She explained to me that what he done to her didn't involve sexual intercourse but drugging her and snapping pictures of her in the nude . Shortly afterwards , she was on the Internet .

I argued that my father isn't like that but she disagrees and saids that he's sick in the mind . When Tre was younger , he allowed men to do whatever they please to her . She was only four years old at the time .

I couldn't stand to hear anymore about her down talking my father so I walked away but in the back of my mind , I still wonder . I know my family is slightly corrupted but if it is this crazy then I don't want to be apart of it .

I wanted to talk to him about it but I don't know how i should approach him .

"I'm going out for a walk." I told my dad . He nods , slowly rubbing his index finger .

I stood from the table and made my way out of the house . I did notice the way Kaleb was analyzing my body . He's been sexually frustrated so I tried my best to make an excuse and leave the best way I can .

Walking down the sidewalk made me feel secured . I hugged my body as I crossed the street , receiving genuine waves and hellos' from people passing by . Florida people are nice sometimes .

One of my goal was to visit a foreign place with Tre . I set that goal to my soul .

We once had a converstaion about going to London and Paris then maybe to Jamaica and to Long Island . We planned to ride around and take pictures . She even insisted of us walking naked on beach and i gladly agreed . 

Now I don't see myself going anywhere . My best friend is gone . My only best friend left me to fend for myself . I was happy that Kaleb was finally caught but at the same time I was scared . I don't know how life would actually be after what's been in the dark came to the light and plus I don't know how my dad would react .

Maybe one day I would build all the courage in the world and blurt out to my dad that his beloved uncle took my innocence and uses me as his play toy .

As I'm passing an alley , my attention drifted to a group of people sitting in a corner smoking and sniffing some white residue off the ground . I cringed at the sight . One of the females looked up after rubbing the white residue off her lip and nose , her eyes begin to become teary eyed .

I shook my head as tears burned in mine .

"Mom." I sniffled . She looked worse than before . Dirt smudges was displayed on her clothes and face . She stood off the ground and starred at me .