A Mere Observer

Seattle Sunday

Markus would be on the other side of the door. Waiting, probably counting off the things he wanted to say just as I am now. I took a final, deep breath. I shook my head a little to clear away the lingering thoughts of Trent's little peck on the top of my head. I adjusted my glasses, and swiped the key through the slot.

Markus was sitting on his bed, staring down at his phone, and when he saw me he scooted to the edge. I wasn't sure what distance would be safe so I leaned on the wall next to the bathroom.

"Hey."

"Mel," he said before he paused for a really long time, "you shouldn't just run off like that."

"Yeah, well, I felt like it was warranted."

"Yeah, but-"

"And it didn't seem to matter when I was out all alone the other night so I don't see why this matters."

"Mel, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was that big of a deal, you should have said something."

"You're right, I should have," I nodded. "But you should have asked if I was okay, too."

"I-"

"And you should have scolded Nate and Greg. And you should have asked what I was doing today, and where I went when you were on stage, and," I took a couple of steps closer as all calm left me, "you should not have said those things tonight."

"You're right, I'm really sorry Mel. I didn't mean any of it, it just came out."

"Do you really think I'm not grateful for all of the things you've been able to give me? That I hate having to mooch off of you?"

He shook his head vehemently. "I don't. I never have. I don't know why I said those things."

"And do you realize how much it hurts when you cast off my photography like it's nothing? You know how important it is to me."

"I do." He stood, holding his hands out like he was pleading. "And I have no excuse other than I've been an ass."

I sighed. "I'm doing what I can to try and understand your world right now, Markus. But I think it's about time you should start reeling yourself back into the real world. Everything that you're so worried about lately, it's not –it's not all there is."

He stayed silent, only nodding with a pinched brow.

"I hate that Trent had to be the one to stand up for me. I'm sorry for that, but he's right. All I want is for you to be my big brother. I don't expect you to change overnight, but, I want you to start trying."

"Okay."

My heart was pounding by the time I was finished with what I had to say. Though my blood was pumping, I felt a surge of exhaustion. This kind of thing was emotionally draining, and confrontation of this magnitude was my kind of nightmare-fuel. I felt too tired to be proud of myself, I would put that off until tomorrow, but I did mentally thank Trent for giving me some courage to carry it out.

It didn't seem like Markus had anything else to say, so I told him I was going to bed. I changed and burrowed under the covers, feeling like a deflated marshmallow under the stark white comforter. Markus went to the bathroom to change before going to bed, and I checked my phone one last time before drifting off to see a text from Trent.

Meet me tomorrow?

If I wasn't so tired I might've noticed the fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

Sure.

I fell asleep before I could see his reply.

"How do you even know him?"