A Mere Observer

Mini Cafe Refuge

I wasn't aware of the amount of streets we raced past or much else besides my heaved breathing and the tug of Trent's hand on mine. It wasn't until I had to stop to catch my breath that I realized my breathing was so labored because I was beginning to cry. I sucked in the cool, night air that released in sobs and tears.

Trent pulled me into him, holding me against him, containing my shaking body. We stood under the canopy of a bakery, completely ignoring and completely ignored by the people who walked by. Unlike a normal night in Seattle when a light drizzle would fall from above us, the pouring was underneath the canopy as the tears poured and my heart poured against Trent's chest. The darkness, loudness, crampedness, and the words that still stung from the bar were too much.

Being held while crying was something new to me. Though my sobbing was deep and desperate, I felt safe. Like this was just a thing, and this thing would end soon and it would be fine because there was someone here.

He rubbed circles on my back and told me it was okay. He gave me little shushes. When my crying started to slow I told him I was sorry to which he just shushed again. A few sniffles later it finally stopped and I looked up at him, wiping my eyes.

"Is it just me, or is everyone being a major dick tonight?" he asked, gracing me with a smile that lit up the dark.

I laughed and sniffed again with my runny nose. "Yeah."

He scratched the back of his head and looked down at the ground. "Look, I'm really sorry for all that. For my friends and Markus... I couldn't let him talk to you like that, though. That was the last straw."

"It really was, wasn't it?"

"Are you mad I went off on him?"

Was I mad? No, I hadn't cried because I was mad. I cried because Trent was right and I've been very, very wrong. I was seeing only what I wanted to. Because if I kept trying to see Trent –and others alike– as the bad guy then I wouldn't have to see that Markus was really conceited with his camera, lots of cash, and I guess questionable credibility as a big brother. But when I'd made my resolve that Trent was someone I shouldn't be around, he threw that out real quick. There was no trying to fog my vision around Trent. I couldn't pretend that Markus hadn't changed. I wanted to so, so bad and I hadn't realized it till he showed up. The amount of excuses I made to convince myself that Markus couldn't screw up as a big brother all rushed to me.

How had I gone this long without realizing? When he didn't care that I got lost I was mad for a while, saw his fault for a moment when Trent held it in front of my nose that night. Yet the next morning I was hugging him, practically forgiving him for something he should have apologized extensively for. And for what? To keep the peace? And the time in the Maritime booth, I didn't want to mention it because deep down I knew he wouldn't care and I wouldn't be able to take it.

"No," I said, "I'm not mad. It helped open my eyes a little bit."

"You don't deserve half the shit you get from him."

"You're right."

"And ignore everything Riley and them said, too. I will have to have a little chat with them later."

I guess Riley was one of the names from the posse. I laughed, seeing now how I tried to blame Trent for his friends' actions to make him out as the bad guy. He might not have the best of friends, but would a bad guy hold me as I cried? I needed to stop basing what I thought of Trent off of everyone else and start basing Trent off of Trent.

And Markus off of Markus for that matter.

"So now that we are a well enough distance away from that bar," he smirked, "Mel, would you like to go to dinner with me? Like, a real dinner?"