The Bad Boy's Snowflake

Chapter 10: A Mess, a Note, and a Savior

We pull out of the parking lot and the bus is buzzing with excitement. Everybody is talking about the goal Paisley scored and the trip to Lenny's once we get back. I just sit in the corner and mope. One, because I couldn't play in the game. Two, because Tommy was a jerk to me. And three, because I have to ride with Sadie. I love Sadie to death, but she can not drive. She is the worst driver in the history of driving. We have almost been killed a total of six times, and Sadie has only driven me somewhere four times. Once we've been driving for about an hour, everybody seems to calm down.

"So," Sadie asks, sitting next to me, "why do I have to drive you to Lenny's?"

"Tommy won't drive me," I reply moodily.

"Aww!" she gushes. I look at her in confusion. "You're mad that he won't drive you because you can't spend time with him now!"

"It's because he promised he would do it, he backed out, and now I have to ride with you and probably die because you're a sucky driver!" I snap. She looks at me in pure shock. I've never been so mean to her in my life. "Sadie, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!"

"It's fine," she says sincerely. "I get it."

I'm not sure you do, I want to say. Instead I just nod. "You're the best, Sadie."

"I am, aren't I?" she laughs, and I laugh with her.

"I'm going to try and nap for a little bit. I was up pretty late last night," I tell her.

"All right," Sadie replies. "Are you feeling ok, Catherine?"

"Yeah," I lie. "I'm feeling great. We just beat Colton, why wouldn't I be feeling ok?" I smile convincingly.

She smiles, convinced. "Great! I'll wake you up when we're back."

"Sounds great!" I reply with fake enthusiasm. She smiles at me and walks to the front of the bus with Macy and a few other girls from the team.

Once she's gone my fake smile turns off and my face turns into one of exhaustion. I sigh and put my headphones in. Sugar, We're Goin Down by Fall Out Boy comes on. I sing the lyrics in my head as I think about what a crappy person I am. I'm shitty to my friends because I'm in a bad mood, I leave my brother home alone all day, I skip class and leave my friends to handle it. I'm a fucking mess and I don't know what to do. Suddenly, Lenny's doesn't sound so fun anymore.

When we get off the bus, I ask Sadie if she would mind bringing me home. She looks at me quizzically and I make the lame excuse that I feel sick. Technically, I do feel sick. Just not that kind of sick. I'm sick with myself for being like I am. I'm sick of my mother whose always gone. I'm sick of my father who left with no explanation. I'm sick of everyone.

Sadie brings me home without questioning me too much. When I get out all she says is to make sure I call her if I need anything. I smile and tell her thanks. As she drives off I get a gut-wrenching feeling. Everybody does everything for me. I do nothing. I'm lazy, I sit around like a fat-ass, and I'm a burden to everyone.

I go inside and yell to Sam that I'm home. He meets me in my room, asks a few questions about the game, and congratulates me before going back to his room. I walk into the bathroom and grab some random pills and a glass of water before walking back to my room. I begin to write a note to Sam about how much I love him and how I hope he doesn't miss me.

Dearest Sam,
I love you more than words can describe. You have been the best brother any girl could ever hope for. Don't think that any of this was because of you. I know it might be hard to understand, but I had to do this. I was a horrible person, and I only ruined the people I interacted with.
You are a great kid. You're smart, resourceful, and talented. I know that you will go on to do great things. Never let anybody bring you down. Tell my friends I love them. I love you so much!
Don't miss me too much,
Catherine Spire

I place the note on my pillow so he can find it when he comes in here. I sit on the ground. I open the bottle and pour four pills onto the palm of my hand. Just as I am about to put them in my mouth, someone says my name.

"Catherine?"

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Hey, guys!

Sorry this is so short. I wasn't exactly sure what else to put in there.

I probably won't be able to update until at least next Tuesday because on I'm going on a retreat this weekend, and I won't have a chance to write the next part before then. While you're waiting, go check out my friends!
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Thanks, guys!