Kiss and Kill (Jercy AU)

7

I'd never fallen for a person as hard as I fell for Percy.

He was on my mind when I woke up and the last thing I thought of when I fell asleep. His smile was permanently ingrained in my mind. His laugh was the most beautiful sound.

I hated it.

How could I afford to let myself fall for someone so quickly?

I didn't look at the gates like I used to, longing for an escape. Longing for my way out. It's like I didn't want to leave. That thought kept me up at night.

That had always been my plan. I couldn't stay here for so long. Why didn't I just leave when I had the chance? Sure, it would have put Percy in danger and he'd probably be a walker and I didn't want that...

My mind was fighting itself. One part of me was thinking of how green his eyes were. The other was blaming myself for letting myself give in to his actions.

I tried convincing myself it wasn't real. I tried saying a lot of things that I knew I didn't believe.

I stayed inside all day. No one showed up when I missed the meals. I stopped coming to them. They would only draw me more in than I already was.

Percy never showed up.

I scolded myself multiple times when my mind wandered to him. It was like he was a priority I needed to think about, to be with.

The moment I started talking to myself was when I finally decided I had lost it. I looked into the mirror, still seeing those dead eyes staring back at me.

"Stop it."

I started hitting the counter. I started falling to the floor. I started giving in. Everything I had avoided from the beginning was coming after me in a new level of desire and I couldn't resist it.

I needed to get out.

-

I followed the same tracks from before. Just the thought of being here made my chest ache. Part of me wished he would meet me here and the other was ready to jump back into the lake if he ever showed.

The thought of a walker coming from behind me didn't faze me at the least. I'd be glad to let it bite me. It'd save me from all these choices I couldn't decide on.

In the meantime, as I waited for nature to take its course, I watched the sky and how the clouds moved slowly. They weren't going far when I kept my eyes on them.

I pictured myself in a place that wasn't here, in a time that wasn't now. A place that felt more like home than the gated community a mile away.

I realized I never really felt at home. Living with my mother had been a nightmare. Sleeping in an unknown apartment by myself had been lonely. Now that I had been brought into this different world where people raised families and were able to walk outside without a gun in their hands to protect them, I began to question what I really considered home.

I could be safe there.

I wouldn't have to worry about when my next meal would be. I could have friends and learn to trust again. If these walls stayed up for as long as the people said they would, I'd have to start a family like everyone else were.

My thoughts went to Percy. I'd be leaving him behind if I left. I shouldn't have put myself so close to him. But it was done and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Look who we have here."

I turned around and found Poseidon with another man standing above me. I scooted back until there was no more room on the pier.