The Big Book of Oneshots

Dirkkat #1

(A/N) Alrighty so @peaily14requested that I do Dirkkat for my first oneshot story in this BIG BOOK OF ONESHOTS so here it is. I made it a humanstuck and bc i'm unoriginal, Dirk is a mechanic uwu and Yes Karkat's and adorable lil albino that dyes his hair.

Without further ado, I give you Dirkkat.

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"Your car is ready..." Dirk mumbled a good ten or so feet away from a guy on his phone. This guy came in a lot, not so much for car troubles but for his younger brother. "So..." Dirk asked as he approached a short male who regularly came into his Auto Repair Shop. He didn't exactly...know him. This guy usually only came in to see Dave, his younger brother. The guy looked up from his phone, his ruby red eyes matched his dyed red hair and Dirk could've sworn that this guy just took an hour long swim in a giant pitcher of Kool-Aid. "Are you...Dave's boyfriend or...?" The guy groaned loudly and rolled his eyes.

"No jackass. I am not and nor will I ever be Dave's boyfriend. I don't understand why incompetent fucks like you continue to make the very same asinine mistake when I have repeatedly made it clear that Strider and I are best fucking bros. No more no less." Sheesh. This guy sure had a mouth on him. Dirk kind of liked it. He grabbed a rag from his pocket and began wiping some of the oil off of his hands.

"Hey man, not my fault my lil bro is constantly seen glued to your hip." The red eyed male rolled his eyes and shoved his phone in his pocket to cross his arms properly.

"Dave and I are just really close okay? Is it so bad to be such good friends with someone without someone else assuming that they're dating?" Dirk shrugged and leaned against the wall.

"People, like myself, just can't really seem to see two people be so close and still manage to keep a strong platonic relationship. Some people are fucked up like that." The guy grunted in response and shuffled his feet.

"So, if you aren't dating Dave then you're...?"

"Single. I will be single from the womb and I'll still be single till the tomb. What's with your sudden interest in my relationship status? This is the first motherfucking time we've had a conversation that wasn't anything more than 'Your car's ready.' and a half mumbled apology." Dirk shrugged again.

"I was just wondering if a single like you could perhaps mull over the idea of going out to catch the latest horrible chick flick with a single guy like me?" The red-haired male raised an eyebrow. This was certainly a quick turn of events.

"Seriously? I don't even know your--"

"I'm gay."

"Hello gay, I'm Karkat." Karkat smiled ever so slightly at his own joke. "But I meant to say that I don't even know your name, dipshit, not your sexuality." A blush began growing on Dirks cheeks but he attempted to keep his expression as stoic as possible. Stay cool Strider.

"Right. Sorry. Just used to jackasses asking what I'm into before asking what my name is." Karkat nodded, understanding. "Anyway, My name is Dirk. And not to sound a creepy fucking stalker but I sort of already knew your name. My brother told me, he talks about you a lot."

"Well, not to sound like a creepy fucking stalker back but I already knew your name. Your brother also told me, he talks about you a lot too. I only asked so I didn't seem like that one creepy twelve year olds that stalks her gross little crush over social media." The Strider chuckled and nodded. Karkat was funny. He was exactly the way Dave had described; he had a fiery attitude and his jokes were ironically funny. He was also pretty blunt and Dirk digged that in people. Not to mention Karkat was just a breathtaking view. Ruby red eyes to match his ruby red hair, freckles dusted his cheeks and the tops of his exposed shoulders. He had braces on his teeth which were, wait for it, red. He was...astonishing.

And he was seriously considering Dirk's movie date offer.

"So...If you aren't doing anything that requires your full attention Friday night, we could go out to the nearest teenage infest cinema and sit down in a disgusting theatre to watch a cliche movie with B plus actors." Karkat snorted and Dirk swore it was the most adorable thing he has ever witnessed in his entire life.

"Gee you make going out with you sound like so much fun."

"I know, I'm the King of Dating. King Strider at your service with offer A, a shitty movie night at an overpriced theatre that's horribly cleaned or offer B, a nice movie date here in my very own home complete with dinner, romantic lighting brought to you by Daves secret stash of scented candles, and a movie of your choosing that comes with popcorn made whatever way you like it. Buttered, salted, kettle corn, caramel, you name it and I look up how to make it on Google." Karkat giggled and covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the noise.

"You're an overachiever aren't you?" Dirk nodded guiltily. "Alright, fine. But just so you know, I have very high standards and I like my popcorn buttery." Dirk grinned widely and nodded, making sure to remember Karkats popcorn preference. "Oh, and If you're free tonight, you could always put your miraculous dating skills to the test sooner rather than later."

"Hm, a challenge eh? Well lucky for me I happen to love challenges." Karkat hummed and digged through his front pocket before pulling out a bright pink gel pen and grabbing Dirks hand. He scribbled on his open palm before letting him go a second later. It was Karkats number.

"I expect to get a call tonight that says my date standards will be surpassed. Until then," Karkat walked over to his newly repaired car and hopped into the driver's seat. "I'll see you later." The red haired male waved before pulling out of the garage and leaving Dirk there alone, a goofy grin plastered on his usual emotionless face.