Listen (Patrick Stump / Fall Out Boy Fanfic)

Chapter 25 - Now I'm Just Numb

A/N: I specifically chose this gif because Pete's smile gives me life and I desperately hope that makes up for the sadness of this chapter and the one before it.

            I sat on the edge of the bathtub, facing away from her, with my elbows propped up on my knees and my face buried in my hands. I had washed my hands and face already, but I still swore I could feel the blood on them. Aria was sitting in the tub. It had been drained and refilled twice already to rid it of blood, but Aria was still sitting there. Her fingers and toes were staring to prune up, but she didn't seem to care and neither did I. Neither of us wanted to move. I didn't need to look at her to know that her hands were pressed firmly against her belly, with her knees drawn up just above the water. I didn't need to look at her to know she was crying without a sound, the tears sliding down her cheeks in silence. In fact, it wasn't even that I didn't need to look at her to know these things; I just didn't want to.

If I were to turn around right now and look at my girlfriend, it would all come crashing down on me again. I would see how hurt she was, and I would know how empty she felt. I would know that I wasn't looking at the mother of my child, because our child didn't exist anymore. So for now, I sat silently and waited for the darkness in our hearts to just go away. It was a fruitless idea, and really, the darkness was just burrowing itself deeper inside me, the longer I sat there.

Joe had brought Aria in here and helped her into the tub over an hour ago. He'd told me that he's helped her get her blood-soaked clothes off, and at first, I was a little over protective. I'd scowled at him as I pushed past him to get to the bathroom, but once I'd seen her, I couldn't thank him enough. I wasn't so sure I would have been able to help her at that point. There was so much blood, and I knew it was my unborn child, that I could barely even look at her now without getting choked up. Now, Joe was sitting in the front longue with Pete and Andy.

Pete was on the phone again with Aria's doctor. I could still hear his voice from in here, and he was asking every question he could think of. Where did we go wrong? Was it the loud concerts? Was it being on the road? Was it this? Was it that? He asked so many questions that I wanted to take my phone back from him and shut him up. I didn't want to listen to him talking about it anymore, I just wanted to grieve on my own. With Aria, of course. Yet still, I was grateful to him too. He was doing his best to help however he could.

Andy had changed the bedsheets. After the initial shock of walking out of the shower to see Pete dragging me out a blood-soaked bed, Andy had gathered himself, gotten dressed, and carefully carried the sheets and pillows off of the bus and disposed of them. We'd stopped at a store twenty minutes ago, and Andy ran in to buy new sheets. He's just finished making the bunk up for us a few minutes ago, and I felt bad because I knew we probably wouldn't be able to sleep there tonight.

I heard the water moving behind me, which told me that Aria was shifting positions. I lifted my head for a moment and moved one hand to the edge of the tub. A few seconds later, the water moved again, and a cold, wet hand touched mine. She curled her pinkie around mine, like she was afraid to touch me any more than that, but I settled for it. I nudged my hand a little closer to hers, to let her know that she could hold my hand if she wanted to. She only held tighter to my one finger.

We sat like that for a long time. How long exactly, neither of us knew. I didn't move until a soft knock sounded at the door. I looked up at the door accusingly, as if that would make whoever was on the other side of it go away, but then I finally turned to look at Aria. She was staring blankly ahead, her blue eyes glazed over and unfocused. Like I'd predicted, her hands were over her belly, and her face was stain with tears. I moved my hand over the back of hers, squeezing gently to get her attention. She slowly turned her head to look at me, her face blank and expressionless.