Skinny Love: A Jack Barakat Fanfic

Chapter 2

~Still seven months ago~

Alex's POV

I was beginning to be seriously concerned with Jack, it had been a little over a week since the day he refused his first meal, which was also the last day he had had a full meal, not just a few bites of the food on his plate. Every day it was the same excuses, 'Oh, I'm not that hungry', 'I don't feel very well tonight', or 'I'm gonna go for a walk'.

I had tried talking to Rian and Zack, but they didn't seem nearly as concerned as I was. They thought he could just be stressed about our upcoming tour, or about his sister's decaying health, both very valid reasons for him to be stressed.

Maybe that was just it, maybe I was blowing this whole thing out of proportion. But something told me that it wasn't either of those things that were causing Jack to refuse his food. I had to find out what had happened to my best friend.

I got up from my seat on the couch to go up to Jack's room, it's like he spend almost all his time alone nowadays. When I reach his door, I knock faintly, just in case he was sleeping or something. I heard a sudden scramble from inside the room, things moving, drawers opening. My brow furrowed, wondering what he was doing in there.

"Hey, Jack, can I come in?" I ask cautiously. More movement, except it sounded more urgent now.

"Uh, gimme a second Alex," he called back. Was it just me, or did his voice sound strained? I decided to head on in, I mean, it was Jack! He never had anything too serious to hide, right? Wrong.

When I opened the door, I just stood in disbelief at what I was witnessing.

Jack's POV

I woke up late that morning, but I was still exhausted. I rolled out of bed, not wanting to get up, but knowing that I needed to weigh myself. I rubbed my eyes sleepily as I shuffled to my bathroom. Maybe I had lost weight over night, I lied to myself. I stood on the scale, disappointed to see I was the exact same: 164 pounds.

I sighed as I looked up at myself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. I had lost two or three pounds since I decided to diet like this, I just wish it would show faster, I was still too heavy. I hung my head, ashamed that I couldn't control my weight as easily as I was hoping. I blinked back my burning tears, unsure of what to do next. I had so much emotion built up inside me, but I felt so empty.

I managed to only let a few flaming tears slip down my chubby cheeks. I needed to let my frustration out, but how? I couldn't throw a tantrum like a child, that would let the guys know that something was definitely wrong. I couldn't do anything that would draw unwanted attention to myself. But it's not like it was a problem.

Plus, I already had a hunch that Alex knew something was up. His eyes narrowed suspiciously when ever I excused myself from a meal only a few minutes into it. He had good gut instincts, but I don't think he had me all figure out quite yet, and I planned to keep it that way.

I still had this situation with my frustration and disappointment in myself for not losing weight faster. Then it hit me. Since it was MY fault that I couldn't lose weight, I was the one that needs to be punished. I carefully looked in the bathroom drawer, where I spotted my shaving kit. I reached inside my bag and softly pullout out my razor. After much difficulty, I managed to pull the actual blade apart from the plastic handle. I slipped the blade in my pocket and wobbled off to my room, fully aware of what I was about to do.

Once I arrived back in the safety of my room, I took the blade back out. For a few what felt like an eternity I just sat and stared at it. Come on, Jack, do it, a voice in my head began muttering from the deepest depths of my mind. You deserve it, you're an embarrassment to your band, your friends, your family, your fans, I mean, think of Jamie! She would be so ashamed of your appearance if she could pull out of her coma, think about how ashamed Jamie, your little sister, would be Jack, it continued. More tears escaped m burning eyes as I pressed the blade to my wrist. Carefully, I pulled the blade across my skin. The blood beaded out in a straight horizontal line. I was fascinated at the sight of my own blood leaving my body by my own hand. I pressed down and sliced again, again, again, trying to get more blood each time.

It was a strange high, I felt so at ease, so much more relaxed now that I had received the punishment I deserved. The pain didn't phase me, it only stung a little, but it took away the pain I felt in my head. I felt a little proud of myself for this solution. I mean, I still don't have a problem. Definitely not.

I was so caught up in my unfamiliar but exhilarating thoughts that I didn't even notice the knock at my bedroom door.

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heyyy guys so i know this story still sucks thanks for putting up with it, the whole like one reader i have. imma keep writing, i probably wont post this until im done with chapter three, just because. thanks for readinggggg xx katie