The Secret Five #Wattys2016

Day 18-Anya

"I have to tell him. Anyway, he is going to notice when he sees the bandage I'm going to put on. What did you do anyway?"

"I don't know. I don't remember coming into the house."

"Have you been drinking today?" She shook her head. I don't smell alcohol on her breath anyway. I took the towel off her hand and saw a small gash in her palm. "Lock, I need to put stitches in this. You have a gash. Did you cut yourself or were you trying to pick up the broken glass?"

"Trying to pick up the broken glass. Just do it, quick, I don't want to die." I ran to the basement, got the first aid kit, and began to stitch Locklyn's hand. It was the same hand she burned a week ago.

This happened at Christmas time last year. It was when Rydal came home from California to say she was offered a modeling job in Europe for two years. Locklyn's parents were so happy for Rydal, they did not care Locklyn was honored an award for best oil painting and was going to the Museum of Modern Art for a month long exhibit. Locklyn cried and was upset because Rydal came and stole her spotlight again. All six of us, Locklyn, Cason, Trace, Hadley, Armin, and I went to a Christmas party and while there Locklyn became very drunk and broke a beer bottle and cut her inner arm with a shard of glass.

After I stitched her up and gave her some medicine for pain, she went into her room and shut the door in my face. She isn't herself and I'm worried for her in so many ways, how she looks skinner in the face, how she is walking with her head down and shoulders hunched, and how she keeps crying for no reason. I wonder if Cason is noticing the changes in Locklyn.

I went back outside and Cason went inside to check on Locklyn. Hadley was in the water floating and getting some sun. Trace just stared at the sky.

"What's up with you? You're acting weird right now." I tapped him on the arm. He flinched and looked at me. "You okay? You are acting strange."

"It's night time back home." I made a face and shrugged. "We would be at homecoming right now." I sighed and looked at the grass. "We are missing senior year of high school and everything happy and exciting happening. We are going to miss homecoming, prom, the senior winter ball, we are missing everything. It's not fair because back home, they may be acting like we never existed, that we are not part of the world anymore. I'm scared." Trace looked at me with tears streaming down his face. "I may not have the best relationship with my father, but I miss him. I miss how he would push me to become a detective instead of a physical therapist. I miss how he came home late and would come into my room and check my pulse, just to see if I was alive and then he would pat my chest and sigh. I miss that so much and it hurts because he lost his wife and now his son and he has no one else."

"Trace, I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare say sorry Anya." He became angry. "You know," he shook his head, tilted his head back, and sat up. "We have been tip-toeing around you for months because of Armin's death. He was all of our friend, our best friend, our brother. I get he was your twin, but he was the brother I never had. You quit a job that you were amazing at and now, you run off and not want to talk about it. Well, guess what sweetheart, it will always be there, that gapping pain in your heart, that sense of emptiness, feeling lost and alone, never having the chance to say one last thing and the guilt that follows, it will never go away." Trace stood up and chug the glass of whiskey he had. "Don't talk to me until you realize that we all lost a brother and not just you." He turned and walked around the front of the house.

Tears fell down my face and were landing on my chest. My nose was running and everything soon became blurry. Hadley was saying my name and I couldn't register it correctly. I quickly stood up and ran to the front of the house. Hadley ran after me.

"You know what Trace!" I yelled coming around the corner. He was sitting on the steps. "Ever since your mother died, you have been complaining and whining how you and your father fight. How you always wished it was him who died and not your mother. Well, guess what honey, your life is not as bad as other people here. Look at Cason and his family, him having to go back and forth between parents. Or at Hadley who barely gets noticed and is treated as a slave to her younger siblings. Having siblings and them being better than you sucks. And you will never understand that because you are an only child. I tried so hard to move past the aftermath of the accident, I tried to be better for the sake of my twelve-year-old brother."

He sat there and nodded. I crossed my arms and glared at him. "You are not the only one going through the stages of grief here!" he yelled at me and stood up from the steps. "Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I'm hurting by Armin's accident! I was standing right next to him and you don't get that his blood was on my body, that he bled out in my arms, that he stared at me and knew what the outcome would be!" Trace was screaming and pointing his finger at me. Cason and Locklyn ran out the front door and stood there.

"What's going on here?" Locklyn asked.

"He said something to me and you didn't know because you were in the stands!" Trace kept yelling and crying. "Before he went unconscious, he told me to always watch out for Anya and Alton, to promise him that I would make sure you were safe and always had a smile on your face that would light up a room. That person is long gone and I have no idea who you are anymore."

"He did?" I asked through sobs.

"And I promised to make sure you two are okay, to make sure you two are happy and not dwelling over his death because Armin wouldn't want us to be miserable. He would want us happy and living life. I talked to Alton everyday after school, I asked if he is doing okay in school, if he needs help, anything he needed, I would be there with it. I watch you, Anya, and I watched how you let yourself go, how this is eating you from the inside out. Armin is still here, not physically, but in spirit and I know deep down, he would not want you to be like this." He stepped closer to me. "I miss that bright smile you had, how your eyes sparkled, how your laugh was loud and annoying. I miss the old you and in my heart, I feel like I am breaking Armin's wish, that I am not looking out for you because you aren't smiling anymore, you aren't laughing anymore, you aren't you." He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me on the lips. My eyes widened. I didn't pull away though and I don't know why.

Everyone gasped. After a minute of Trace locking lips with me, he pulled away and stared at me in the eyes. He was as shocked as I am that he kissed me.

"Trace?" I whispered. "Why?"

"Maybe my promise meant more than just watching out for you." He smiled while staring at me in the eyes. "I believe this is what Armin meant, he knew along." Tears fell down my face.