Chapter Two:
My own parents- I rarely tell them anything. I only tell them things that they will eventually see. I get a C in History, I would tell them why. I fell face first on the concrete, I would tell them how I got the injury. I break a glass cup, I would tell them I did it. There was a lot of things I didn't tell them though.
There was this one time where I was roaming the kitchen for a snack and I was thinking what it would feel like to be suicidal. The pain, the tragedy, the sorrow of family, the weight lifted off the family- I wondered how it was. Then, I thought, what would happen if I killed myself? What would my family think? What good what I do to my family? I would take away my debt, my tuition, they would have one child less of responsibilites. How bad would they miss me? Would they cry? Would they be sorry for leaving me in the shadows making me feel as if I'm a waste of energy and space?
"What if I just tried it...?"
Like I said, I was in the kitchen at the moment so I had put my hand out toward the cutting knives. Then my common sense kicked in again. "Are you insane? You can't try suicide. Why would you even think of that? Your life is awesome, god damn it!" I didn't know who to tell. I was afraid that they would do something. I was afraid of what they would say. If they would put me in therapy or a mental asylum. Ask me a ton of questions, I didn't tell anyone in my family. The only people I told was that Kelsey girl and a few of my buds. I was afraid.
Another situation was one day I wanted to run away from home. It wasn't that bad, I didn't do it, but I wanted to. I knew when to leave, where to go, what to take, and why I wanted to do it. My family didn't appreciate me one night. I had successfully raised my C- to an A- in class. When they found out I raised it, they were disappointed in me for having a C- in the first place. They said that I spend too much time on the computer or in a sketch pad (And I did). They compared me with my older brother. They believe that my brother is unsuccessful, using him as a bad example. They say he plays too many video games, doesn't socialize, goes to a horrible college, struggles- They made him sound like a mistake. I wasn't going to let my parents back stab their first son behind his back. I stood up for him. That was when I found out I was not afraid to stand up to people, even if it was my own parents.
Leading to the entire 'stand up to anyone' scenario, there's another story. It was the last day of 7th grade and I decided to talk about my interests getting back into Invader Zim. While my 8 or so friends and I were eating lunch, 3 other girls I have never seen before on campus approached us. I assumed they were just buds with one of the 8 friends. I continued talking normally. Everyone around me grew silent. I didn't know what was going on so I finally stopped talking. The 3 girls were talking to my one and only Asian friend sitting at the corner of the table. They were telling her things like:
-You're ugly, you have no friends, nobody likes you, you're a slut, you're a bitch.
I don't hang out with sluts or bitches. So I raised my voice to get the girl's attention.
"Errrhrmmmmm, excuse me, she has friends."
The girl completely ignored me. So I decided to say something stupid like 'Are you a red light because you need to stop.' She looked up and smiled. This girl then continued to talk bad about my friend right in front of me. In the mean time, my Asian friend was going through her binder nervously trying to make it look like she wasn't paying attention. I then got up and stood right across from the girl. I then told her with a steel tone of voice, "Hey, you need to stop. My friends and I are trying to enjoy our lunch here on the last day of school. Go on and enjoy yours." All 3 of them stared at me and warned me it was none of my business.
"It is my business because 'surprise' she's my friend. So yes, she does have a friend." I told her.
She said that one friend is nothing. I was pretty pissed at such a hypocrite. I then looked at her and laughed when I said, "So two friends makes you the most popular girl in the world?" At that point, she was getting in my face. One of the teachers had walked by and asked if there was a problem between us. They sweetly told the teacher no while I yelled with my biggest attitude voice ever, "Yes there's a problem here!" I turned back towards the girls when my friend Kelsey pulled my arm and told me to drop it. All 7 of us walked away from the scene while my Asian friend and the 3 girls were discussing with the teacher who seemed 'very concerned.' About 3 seconds later, my Asian friend caught up with us and thanked me. At that moment I realized nobody was with me. It was myself V.S. those 3 girls alone. However, I was ready to get hit in the face with something. 10 seconds later, the 3 girls came up to all 8 of us again behind the gym to stay in the shade. They were apologizing to my Asian friend when I sarcastically asked them if they were really sorry or if they were just saying what they were told to say. The bell had rung and we all walked away from them. They tried grabbing onto my friend's backpack while she was walking. They threatened us that if we kept walking away they would start something. I shouted while walking with my back towards them, "Swearing doesn't make you seem kickass!" In order to protect my friend, I walked behind her so that if those girls tried grabbing her again, they'd grab me instead. I would be much more happy to tell the story myself to the principal or to any sort of authority about those stupid, slutty girls.
And I didn't give one fuck to see what would happen next year.
