Introduction:
Do not expect any type of made up story within this. I've always wanted someone to talk to, someone to tell all my secrets within me, yet I trusted no one. However, I always wanted to get it off my chest. I was never the girl to keep a diary, I only wrote in notebooks to save for future years. To hopefully become an author- if not, just publish a random story. Before I begin, I'd like to add a little background.
I'm writing to get this off my chest, to see if random strangers would like to comment on anything, since you probably have the interest in reading, since you came here in the first place. I understand if you don't want to read the entire thing, that is why I'm doing it here. Sure, I'm telling it to people on the internet, but there is a very slight chance you know me. Here goes...
When I was younger, I was the favorite in preschool. Not just by my teacher who taught a group of 5, but by all the kids there. One day, while playing outside, I slipped and fell. That was the first time I'd been made fun of- as far as I knew. I didn't like it, everyone agreeing with that one kid, but who was I to care, I was only 4 years old. They were still my friends. I enjoyed being the one girl that everyone wanted to sit next to.
In Elementary or Primary school, I was shy. My teacher loved me though. She enjoyed my participation and spark of interest. That is how I started to become more out-going. While the years passed, my 4th grade year started putting me back into my shell. I remembered that when I was in 2nd grade, kids would look at me funny, as if I was one of those odd animals behind a gate to protect them from my wrath. While in 4th grade, I had a few friends that always got me into trouble because I laughed. They would make me laugh at the stupidest of things. When I had got my yearbook that year, I placed it down on one of the lunch tables to let my friends sign it while I went to get something from my backpack. When I got back, the page was turned to my class. My face was scribbled out with a Sharpie. I never scribbled out anyone's pictures. I wanted my yearbooks to look clean. I asked my friends to find out if anyone sounded/looked guilty. They all said it was like that when they looked at the class to find themselves. I was extremely sad that day. I only got 3 signatures that year. Then I remembered, I never got signatures.
I did get this one I will never forget, though. I was in 1st grade and my best friend commented on my story I wrote. It was for Author's Fair. On the back she wrote 'Boring story, it was stupid. I hated it.' She wrote that right in front of me. To this day, I believe my stories are retarded. I rarely want to share them, but I want the feedback.
The next year was 5th grade. I decided to hide myself. I saw some of my old photos, I was ridiculous. From 5th grade to 8th grade, I always wore a hoodie, so nobody could see my arms, jeans, so nobody could see my legs, sneakers, so nobody could see my feet, and hair down, so nobody could see my face. I would wear that everyday. I purposely bought 3 pairs of my favorite jeans. No matter what time of day it was, or what time of year it was, I always wore that outfit. That is when I lost respect for myself.
But who will respect you when you can't even respect yourself?
