Unexpected LOVE

Her Wish ( Chapter 2 ) Merlie's POV

Do you know what pain feels like? No, it's not that stinging feeling you feel on your body. Pain is when you feel that suffocation you feel from inside. That overwhelming feeling of impossible nausea and hurt. It's like you've lost all hope and just want to let go. Death. It is peaceful, serene and inevitable so why not choose when you want to go, it's freedom, it's a release from all this pain. These are not things you would have heard me say a few months back.

Truth be told, I still miss him. It's been months since our break up. Derek dumped me. Why you ask? Because I am a good for nothing fattie. He is right, I am. But it does not matter, I still deserved better. I still know that I love him. He could threaten to kill me and I would still do because my love for him is definite. He loves me too but he is too shallow to see it. He will always be too shallow to see it.

I tried to change for him, I really did. I stopped eating for him. Whenever I did eat, I puke it out cause this is what he wants. I tried to become beautiful for him, it didn't matter what it took.
I have now realised that my sister would not let me become beautiful. That bitch! She has everything, that perfect slim body and that perfect black hair which made every guy in school notice. She would never know what it feels like to be ugly and now, she wouldn't even let me become beautiful.

She kept an eye on everything I did. She was selfish! She does not want me to be beautiful. She does not want me to get with Derek. She does not want me to be happy.
What is left to do?

Die.

I don't care about how I look anymore. I stuffed down that lasagna without a care in the world. I gave myself two months. I will do everything I want to do in these 2 months and then bid adieu to Earth. No one can stop me.

But, everytime I see Derek with another girl, one with a body of a super model, I feel the pain coming back again. The only way to stop the pain was distraction. Distraction. Distraction.

I felt the pain again, that overwhelming feeling of hurt. Tears started falling and I could not breathe. Everything seemed like gloomy clouds and I felt only pain. Pain that I wanted to stop. It was suffocating and my breathing became too laboured.

The razon lay there on the sink, that will help. I picked it up before I could fall down. I took the blade out, mechanically.The sharp razor looked at me threateningly. I pressed it against my wrist, blood trickled down, I made a cut on my hand with it. Cut that was deep enough to distract me. The stinging pain pulled me out of that dreadful gloomy clouded world. The sting distracted me. Blood trailed down all over the floor. I lay there for a few minutes letting the sting take over my senses and thoughts.

I picked up the towel on the floor and dressed my cut.
I went to my bed and laid on it. I tightened my wound dressing and drifted into a dreamless sleep.