Dancing on Eggshells

This is the part when I'm lonely and turn to an idiot for help

Grounded. For a while.
I would rather say that and ditch the lecture Chris and I received once I returned home from Jamaica Plains.
No TV, no Netflix, no social media, no internet, no watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show or talking about it for a long time, no using the computer for any other reason besides school work, no going out with friends at night (not that I have any) (yes, I'm still proceeding to that part) , no spending time anywhere after school unless you can't come home because of one of Mom's slightly dangerous patients (and she said they were more sane than Dad's! Liar!).
I'm basically a prisoner in a maximum security prison.
Except my room is more pristine then those dull and dirty cells. I bet my parents are going to convert my room into a cell once I go back to school.
Ugh, I can't believe what a mess I've got myself into!
I bet my Mom and Dad will never trust me ever again. They kept telling me that the main wrong Chris and I did was lie to them, and so long too.
There's also another thing, I was right about about what my mom would do. She texted Winona and Violet's parents who probably spread the word and put me into shit.
What put me in shit was when Violet, Kayden and Winona knocked on my house door. Apparently, their parents had sent them over to my house to talk to me. They were there to talk to me about us going on a break. When I mean 'us' I mean my connection with all my friends, not their connection to each other.
Winona told me how I promised them that if we were caught that I'd take full responsibility and that the cast would have the right to put all the blame on me. With that, they expressed their anger to me in a very subtle way as if they had been rehearsing it.
Yet, they weren't finished. I was already freaking out because I really didn't feel like losing my friends at that moment. What they said to me was just ready to pull me apart.
"It's also Celeste", Violet began.
"Yes, she's in a mental institution". I reminded them.
"Yes , we're aware". Kayden said.
I was definitely a tad more angry at him then the girls because he was supposed to be my boyfriend and not go against me.
"Then what about her"? I said, my tone rough and forced.
Winona sighed.
"We think she's changed you".
I wanted to scream at Winona, literally take her ear and yell into it.
I slapped my arms against my thighs and raised my voice without realizing it.
"How the hell has she changed me"? I yelled them.
"You just disappeared on Wednesday", Kayden mentioned, "we could've helped you".
"There's also the panic attacks". Winona said.
Yes, they're getting worse. Worse by the day.
I had a panic attack in front of Winona and Violet a free days ago and from then, its worsened.  I knew it was Celeste getting into my head but I didn't want to tell anyone they were coming back.
Who am I kidding, everyone already knows ! Most of my panic attacks have been alone and just a case of me wanting to cry. Barely classified as panic attacks. But I had one-a real one- the other night...in front of my parents. My dad prescribed me some Zoloft and some other anxiety medication and my mom forced me to talk about my feelings and shit.
In fact, I thought I felt one coming over me as my friends talked to me. I just took deep breaths, and hoped I wouldn't burst out crying and start hyperventilating.
"In my opinion", Winona said, "you've let yourself fret over a grown woman who should be able to take care of herself-"
"Jesus fuck! You know she can't ! For fuck sakes!" I screeched at Winona.
She just stared at me like she had seen a ghost or a monster. Had she? Had she seen a monster?
Was I the monster?
Had Celeste put me on the insanity train?
Had she driven me to the insane point?
Holy shit, I thought to myself, I'm mad, I'm actually crazy.
"Keoria! Inside! Now!" Mom yelled from inside the house.
Winona looked like she about burst into tears. She was, her eyes were becoming glassy and my heart was breaking.
"Fuck you". She muttered, "you need help, Keoria , seriously ".
Then they turned around and headed home, avoiding eye contact with me as if I would turn them to stone.

Two weeks past to reach the present. I've been able to manage my anxiety and only attempt to try fog Celeste out of my mind has much as possible.
My friends have carried on avoiding me completely since we returned to school. It even looks as if Ms Myers has a chance seizing Celeste's job.
I'm also juggling my heartbreak of losing Kayden. Due to the fact that he was grounded for lying to his mom about Rocky Horror , he broke up with me when we returned to school. He came to my locker, told he me had been thinking a lot since he was grounded and how he decided he felt too angry at me to carry on with the relationship.
I was dumped. I even told him to go fuck himself because I was (okay, I'm even now) an emotional wreck. I've been eating my lunch outside the library and then have been going to read in there when I finish eating. I'm dreading group projects and I am probably close to overdosing on rescue and tranquil drops that I drop down my throat every morning and before bed so I can sleep.
Now I'm thinking about the miserable life I live as I sit on a bar stool with a cappuccino in my hand and earphones in my ears at Coffee and Caffeine.
My mom is hosting an intervention for this patient she has now and apparently he's psychotic or depressed or suicidal or delusional or homicidal or psycho or catatonic or half-dead or almost dead or already dead or a sex addict or a vampire and doesn't want me at the house.
I don't remember what she said about him but I know she said one of the above.
It's Thursday and I've already started studying for finals as my parents are forcing me. I'm not studying now though, but watching Skins on my iPad. I'm not actually supposed to have it or even be watching from it but I decided to use the motto 'YOLO' today so I don't feel guilty.
I just finished watching JJ's episode and I've just begun watching Effy's episode of season three. The scene has opened to Effy obviously having sex with someone, rocking on him with her shirt on and a frown on her face as if sex is as boring as going to the toilet.
I give credit to Sylvia Plath for that simile.
I then realize that the someone is Cook and I want to cringe for Effy, despite the fact that she obviously let it on herself.
I watch in slight awe as I watch Effy rock on James Cook's body, it's something that I haven't really seen before. Especially now that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, it makes me depressed to watch. It's not like I would do that sort of stuff with Kayden, but still.
Suddenly, I feel a tap on my back.
I swing to my right to see a woman sitting next to me on another bar stool along the high table. Her laptop is open and opened to documents or emails, just boring work stuff. The woman is pretty, probably in her early or mid thirties with blonde, shoulder length hair and big grey/greenish eyes. She wears little makeup, just some blush and mascara and is dressed in a dark , red blazer and black 'work pants'. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then just think of all those ugly, loose pair of pants that woman dress themselves in for work.
Have they have ever heard of jeans? My mom sometimes wears jeans to work! She's still alive! What about tights? Just some Walmart tights? They're comfortable and stylish!
Stop abusing yourself with ugly loose pants , women!
The woman's big, green/grey eyes are staring into mine and are looking all sympathetic and shit.
I take my earphones out of my ears and pause my streaming. I even lock my iPad so no one can see Effy screwing Cook.
"Um, hi". She says to me.
"Hi". I say in a protective manner.
"I saw what you were watching".
I raise my eyebrows.
"Yes, a miserable girl named Effy is rocking herself on the bed because she's bored ". I lie.
"I know she's having sex with someone".
I roll my eyes and fold my arms.
"Why do you care"? I ask the woman.
The woman clears her throat.
"Don't you have anything better to do then watch basic porn"?
"It's not porn! It's British drama!"
The woman sighs and then...she touches my hand. I'm ignoring the fact that she could be a psychopath who wants to kidnap me because I think that might make my life slightly more exciting.
"You're lonely , aren't you"? She asks.
I shrug.
"I guess I am, I've got Skins though, they're kind of my friends".
"Sweetie, that's the worst thing a psychologist could ever hear".
For a moment, I'm confused as hell. Then I realize why this woman is all sympathetic , warm, non-judgmental, interested, worried and kind.
She's a damn therapist.
"My mom sent you ,didn't she"? I groan.
"No".
"Oh".
The woman shuffles her shoulder.
"I don't have anything better to do then help you, so I'll introduce myself", the woman announces, "I'm Tammy Bryn".
"That's an interesting name". I say.
To think about it, I shouldn't of said that because now I have to tell her my name. I'm the chick who was basically named after a coffee shop.
"Thank you". She says with a smile on her face.
She holds out her hand to shake mine and I take it.
"I'm Keoria Atkins". I say, shaking Tammy's hand.
She laughs.
"I'm the one with the interesting name"? She kids.
I slightly laugh as well.
"I guess".
She laughs again. She then turns back to her laptop and shuts it down. She packs it away in her bag and her attention is suddenly all on me.
"How old are you , Korea"?
"It's Ke-Ora".
"Koria"?
"No, Keoria".
"Keira"?
"No, that's my mom's name".
"Kearin"?
"What sort of name is that? Is it Chinese or something"?
"It's actually my cousin's name, he's Irish".
"He"?
"Okay, how do you spell your name"?
"K-E-O-R-I-A, the 'I' is silent".
"Oh, Keoria!"
"Yes".
"How old are you"?
"Fourteen, fifteen in June".
"So you're a freshman in high school"?
"Ugh, school".
"I'm starting to get an interpretation that whatever is happening with you has to do with friends? Boys?"
I laugh.
"Oh, it's much more than that!" I say.
"Then what is it"?
I raise my eyebrows.
"Its a long story", I warn, "it's basically a screwed up version of every teenage story ever told".
She smiles.
"Well, I'm ready to listen to your screwed up version ". She says.
"Why"? I ask.
"You seem like a good kid and I enjoy helping good kids".
I laugh weakly.
"I'm only classified as 'a good kid' because I'm high on rescue drops".
She raises her eyebrows.
"So you're anxious"?
"Yeah, I feel my brain burning and pounding with fear almost every day and my breath turning into sweat so yeah, you could say so".
I know I'm being a little difficult, but I'm sick of playing the easy card. It's too boring. I'm pressing the challenge option in life because I need to be tested for my happiness.
Tammy puts her hands in her lap and looks at me with a face that really proves she cares.
Maybe she's not psycho. Shit, that would have been more exciting!