A Conflicted New Home: Kylo Ren x Reader

Chapter Sixteen

When your eyes fluttered open just a few hours later, you had temporarily forgotten where you were. Once you remembered, you turned your head to look at Ren. You frowned when you realized he was gone, the space next cold compared to the way it had been hours before.
Reminiscently, you brushed your hand across the sheets where he had slept next to you. You wondered silently to yourself what he had thought about quietly sleeping next to you after a long night of conversing. A small smile flittered across your lips as you remembered how it felt to just talk comfortably with someone for the first time since you had arrived here.
You stood up a few moments later from Ren's bed and stretched your arms, pushing away the fatigue that was trying desperately to keep you laying there You looked down at your wristwatch, anxiety suddenly hitting you. It was almost noon, you realized as you bit your lip. Quickly, you groping through the dark for the door that had been left closed. Once you opened it, you looked around his office, you eyes landing on the two empty chairs where the two of you had sat last night. Ren was nowhere around and you found yourself frowning as you gazed at the wide empty space.
Where ever he was, he was probably busy, you thought as you made your way down the hallway to your room. You hadn't thought this plan through, you reflected with regret, hoping no one would notice you wandering about without your uniform on. You still felt wary when walking through the hallways of Starkiller base alone as you thought about your attack a few weeks prior.
"Excuse me," you nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt a cold, metal tap on your shoulder. You swiveled around, coming face to face with a Stormtrooper before he shoved a letter towards you. You looked down, taking the thin paper in your hand with a frown.
"Mail for you, Miss." The stormtrooper rumbled, obviously bothered by his duty. "And the General would also like to see you as soon as possible."
You looked up at the stormtrooper, feeling your heart sink into your stomach. What could the General want to speak with you about, you wondered. You had already given him your notes on Ren for the week.
"Do you know what for?" you asked the masked trooper hesitantly.
"Negative," he shook his head. "Please follow me."
"I know my way, thank you." you told him quickly, wanting to change your clothes before meeting with the General.
"The General was pressing that you arrive at his quarters before noon." You looked down at your watch, realizing it was ten of twelve. You felt your stomach growl almost on cue. Reluctantly, you nodded your head and began following the trooper, putting the letter in your mouth as you swept your hair up into its usual style. As you walked, you slid your finger in the envelope and opened it in one fluid motion.
"Oh," you whispered to yourself with a frown as two of your paychecks fell into the palm of your hand.
Keep them. - Papa
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"I would like to speak to you about something, [y/n]." The General spoke softly as he sat behind his desk, his datapad propped neatly in front of him. Your ears were already ringing from the disappointment of the letter you'd received. Two checks sat in your lap as you crumpled up the paper in the palm of your hand.
"Of course," you replied as you looked down at the paychecks in your lap.
"It has come to my attention that you resided most of last night in Master Ren's quarters. Is this true?"
You looked up quickly, your face beginning to burn as you tried to sputter out an explanation.
"Seeing as you are not properly dressed this morning, or should I say afternoon, I would assume the rumor is correct." Hux glanced up at you from behind his eyebrows, one of them cocked precariously as he waited for your response.
"We were talking," you explained, your voice sounding timid.
"Talking?" Hux cut you off, looking up at you completely as he practically bit back a laugh. "Kylo Ren does not just sit and talk, Miss [y/n]. I would appreciate it if you did not lie to me."
"I am not lying to you, General. I would not do that."
Hux stared at you as he blinked, his eyes narrowing with doubt. Finally, he looked down at his paperwork, grabbing a pen as he began to sign something quickly.
"This is a write-up," He told you as he slid the paper across to you. "Per Supreme Leader Snoke's request."
"Supreme Leader?" you queried as you stared at the paper. Hux slid a pen across his desk to you.
"Supreme Leader caught wind of the rumor and requested that I reprimand you properly. I suggested a more civilized approach, this write-up. He has already emphasized to both you and Ren, I heard, that he does not want Ren to become distracted from his works."
"I would not do that, sir. I apologize for my behavior." Your voice hung in the air as Hux nodded his head. Quietly, you reached for the pen and signed the write-up with a frown.
"See to it that this does not happen again, Miss [y/l/n]." Hux did not look at you as he grasped the paper out of your hand and slipped it into a drawer. He had never addressed you by your last name, you realized with a small bit of sadness.
"Good day, General," you bid as you stood up from your seat.
"Yes, Good day."
The General's voice sounded as though it were underwater as you listened to him though fogged ears. A cold sweat suddenly broke out across the back of your neck as you grasped the leather bound chair you'd just stood up from. Behind you, you heard Hux distantly ask you if you were alright while you tried to steady yourself, your vision becoming blurred and tunneled.
"[y/n]?" you barely heard Hux say as his chair slid across the floor as he stood.
You tried to say something, but nothing came out as your ears began to ring. You swallowed hard and everything went black.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"She's coming too," you heard someone say. Your ears were ringing so loudly that it sounded as though someone was trying to tune a radio in your ears. Nausea swept through your system as you swallowed hard and opened your eyes.
You were laying in Hux's office on the ground, a pillow propped hastily under your head. A stormtrooper hovered above you as Hux stood in the background, his gaze somewhere between his usual disgust and concern as he folded his hands behind him.
"I'm going to vomit," you sat up quickly as the stormtrooper back away, practically throwing the trash can in your direction. You hadn't eaten since 4 o'clock last night you realized as you dry heaved in the metal can. You swallowed, sweat dripping down the back of your neck.
The door behind you slid open and another stormtrooper trotted in, the same medical droid from your last visit in their wake.
"Ah, Miss [y/l/n], we meet again. You've been my patient more than I've seen most on this base," the medical droid jested as it hovered its hand above you. You still felt lightheaded as you rested your head on the trashcan.
"It seems to me your blood pressure has dropped dramatically, causing a Vasovagal syncope episode. Has this happened to you before?" the droid asked.
"I haven't eaten since last night," you said as you closed your eyes.
Behind you, the door slid open again.
"What is going on?" Ren's recognizable deep voice rang in your ears.
"It seems to be your counselor has fainted," Hux replied with contempt.
"Why? What happened?" He asked, his voice booming behind his mask.
"She informed us that she has not eaten since last evening's meal," Hux informed Ren, his voice sounding as though he were dissatisfied with a child.
"Perhaps some chocolate will bring her blood sugar back to normal readings," the medical droid suggested.
"I don't have any such thing in my office," Hux responded bitterly. You felt as though you were burdening him with your ailment. Instead of being concerned for your well being, he was dissatisfied with the situation taking him away from his work.
You felt yourself becoming dizzy again and you laid yourself back down on the ground.
"I will take care of this," you heard Ren's voice echo in your ears, your body swiftly being lifted off the ground and into his arms again. You were too dizzy and much too nauseous to pay attention to your surroundings. You heard Hux scoff as Ren turned to leave the room.
"I do not think that -" you heard the droid's mechanical voice escalate before the door shut behind the two of you. Ren's boots pounded on the ground as he brought you down the hallway and into his quarters. The room around you was felt as though it were spinning as you closed your eyes.
"Why didn't you eat?" he nearly spat at you, his voice cracking, revealing panic in his tone. You felt your body being placed on a soft surface, what you imagined being his bed. You kept your eyes closed, but listened as the cranks in his mask opened as he discarded his helmet. You heard his footsteps leave the room as you tried to shut your eyes more, feeling the bed spinning underneath you.
"I was nervous," you responded wearily.
"About what?" you heard him practically bellow from the other room. He was angry with you. You were angry with yourself for being so foolish. You lifted your hand to your forehead, feeling the sweat and heat emulating from your skin.
"Last night," you explained quietly. "I was nervous about last night."
Ren didn't reply as you heard him shuffling around in the other room. You tried to think of something else to get your mind off the world around you spinning, but nothing worked. Your stomach churned with nausea. Finally, you heard Ren's boots returning into the room, pounding against the ground as he made his way over to you.
"Eat," He emphasized, pushing your hair out of your face with attempted gentleness. You opened your eyes, your gaze landing on his hand as he held a small dish of food in front of you, its contents slowly morphing into some type of bread.
"Emergency food portions," Ren explained in his deep voice, "it is all I have until the kitchen decided to cook another unpalatable meal."
You attempted to sit up, leaning against the wall behind Ren's bed. You felt yourself become dizzy again as you closed your eyes and tried your best to eat the bread before you gagged on your nausea. Within minutes, the thin line of sweat that had been flooding your body seemed to evaporate into your skin. You breathed out steadily, opening your eyes completely for the first time since you had fainted.
"How do you feel?" Ren asked after a few moments passed. You could tell by his tone that he was unsure of how he felt or even how to react. He wanted to sound concerned, but you were sure he was purposely altering his voice to sound as it normally would.
You took in a deep breath, nodding your head. "Better. Thank you."
Ren nodded his head, looking away, "Do not do that again."
It wasn't a request, it was more of a command.
"I'm sorry," you apologized quietly. You felt embarrassed. You looked down at your lap and gasped, remembering papa's letter.
"My paychecks! They're in Hux's office."
"I'll get them later," Ren replied, looking away from you as he held a gentle hand in the air. "Just rest."
"I feel fine now," you tried to stand up, but Ren grasped your hand and pulled you back down.
"I said rest." Despite his words, his tone remained gentle. Slowly, you sat back down next to him and searched his face.
"Why are you doing this?" you asked him.
He turned his head to look at you, his harsh features suddenly soft. His eyebrows knitted together as tried to find the words.
"I don't know," he swallowed, his voice sounding genuine. You were unsure as to what you should say in return.
"I'm confused," he finally answered. He turned to look at you. "I can't remember the last time I felt the desire to care for someone."
You nodded your head, still at a loss for words as you watched him avoid your eyes.
"When I look at you, I feel- different. I feel this forceful pull towards you. Like nothing I've ever felt before." He paused, "I sense Supreme Leader's discontent with me. He is aware of my distraction. That's what you are to me. A distraction."
"A distraction?" you knitted your eyebrows together, confused and flattered by his words. You sat there and pondered his words for a moment, your eyes dancing over his profile in the solaced dark. You were a distraction for him. It wasn't meant to be a degrading compliment, it was his way of telling you that he cared for you. That you were something that took away his pain.
"Yes," he tilted his head in a curt nod, turning to you. He didn't elaborate, but simply just stared at you, his deep hooded eyes flickering over your features. A moment later, he leaned in towards you and your mouth met his in a soft kiss. You could feel warm lips against yours as you reached up and touched his face for the first time. His normally hardened, lust filled kisses were tender and slow, filled with hesitating pauses as if he were trying to form a mental image of your mouth upon his.
Carefully, you brushed your fingers along his closely shaven chin, small prickles of stubble teasing your skin in places where he had missed. He gave you a small push against your lips and you found yourself leaning back, your shoulders gently resting on the blankets beneath you. His lips pulled away and he looked down at you, his arms on either side of your head as his unwavering gaze met with yours. You smiled dotingly at him, letting your fingers fall down his neck and grasping his robes into your fist. Was this it? You asked yourself. Was this going to happen?
Once again, his lips met with yours except this time they were filled with small amount of urgency. He yanked his gloves off, his hands suddenly at your waist as he maneuvered himself over you. He slipped his fingers under your shirt and exploring your skin as he exhaled a small groan. His lingering kisses slowly traveled down your jaw, leaving small traces of wetness in their wake. The palms of your hands found the back of his head, your fingers lacing through his thick dark hair as he buried his mouth in your collarbone. You breathed out, feeling his teeth nip against your skin as he gently bit down, leaving a small mark as he drew your flesh into his mouth.
Below you, his hands slid up your skin underneath your shirt. The feeling of his calloused fingers brushing against stomach sent a chill up your spine. You leaned up, allowing him to slide your shirt off over your head and tossing it aside. You watched him as he sat back on his feet, staring at your body for a moment with twinkling eyes you had never dreamed of seeing. His eyes traveled over your body, and you could almost feel his gaze as it traveled down the valley of your breasts, down to the button of your bottoms. You grabbed his hand, waking him from his trance as you pulled him back down towards you, his lips ravenous against your mouth. You began pulling at his clothes, the desire to feel his skin overwhelming you as you tangled your legs with his. You felt your whole body blush as you realized what the feeling of his arousal was against your leg.
A soft gasp escaped from you behind your lips as his hand kneaded your breast greedily through its restraints. You arched your back, pushing his hand further against your chest as your hand slid down his face. He leaned upward and kissed you hungrily again, his lips caressing yours with desperation. Your hands reached for his robes as you tried to pull them off yourself but with no success. He leaned back again, breathing heavily from his mouth as he reached for the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head. You watched as his bare chest heaved as he drew deep breaths. You reached up, your fingers gently sliding down the center of his chest, through the sparse hair that resided in the center.
He grasped your hips, fingering the button of your pants as he leaned down and drew kisses down the center of your stomach. You reached down to touch his tousled hair, your fingers gingerly tracing over the beauty marks that peppered his shoulders. You felt his hands hastily try to unbutton your pants, yanking them off your legs as you lifted your hips for him. As soon as your bottoms reached the floor, his hands were at your thighs, kneading them as he planted a sloppy kiss on your lips. You didn't mind, you realized as his tongue brushed against yours. He groaned, pressing his hips against your thighs with anticipation.
Suddenly, he stood up, kicking his boots off as he stared you down. His eyes were filled with craving. You pushed your shoes off too, hearing them thump on the ground as he quickly slid himself back in between your legs. You leaned up and he reached around you, fumbling as he tried to maneuver your bra hook. Finally, you reached for yourself and unhooked it with one hand.
Ren looked down at you, his dark eyes glistening as a small laugh escaped from him.
"It has been– a very long time for me since the last time I-" You reached up and kissed him, sliding your bra off your shoulders and tossing it to the side. He sighed heavily as your skin met with his.
"You're not the only one," you smiled, touching his face as if to reassure him. He stared at you, a small smile flittering across his lips. This was probably the most you had ever seen him show happiness.
Your fingers trailed down his neck, down his chest and stopping at the elastic at his waist. He leaned his head down on the pillow beside you, a groan filling your ear as you touched him for the first time. You basked in the feeling of him as you caressed his arousal. Within a few quick strokes, he reached down and grasped your wrist in his hand, an embarrassed laugh coming from beside you. It had been a long time, you reminded yourself. You could feel the heat pooling between your legs as you fondled him, his hand cautiously hovering above your wrist with anticipation to stop you. You felt him push his arousal against your heat, causing you to moan as you arched your back against him.
Almost frantically, he pulled away and rid you of the rest of your clothes, but not before he pulled his own pants off. You laid back down, your eyes avoiding him as your face began to blush uncontrollably at the sight of him. Nestling himself in between your legs, you breathed in heavily to try and relax. Ren noticed, pausing as he pushed your legs aside. He leaned down, resting his nose against yours as he stared at you, holding the side of your face.
"Are you sure?" he murmured, his hot breath hitting your lips as his thumb brushing against your cheek. You had never suspected him of such gentleness. You nodded your head, closing your eyes as he leaned down and kissed you once more. He teased you for a moment, feeling him against you as he tried to find your entrance. Suddenly you gasped, feeling the muscles around him expand as he gently pushed himself into you. It had certainly been a long time for you too, you realized.
"Oh," your moan fluttered as you grasped his dark hair in your fist. In one fluid thrust, he was completely inside you and you leaned back arching your back against him as the mixture of discomfort and pleasure washed over you.
He didn't move, just rested his head on the pillow beside you. His warm breath in your ear as you both adjusted to the feeling of each other. With carefulness, he began thrusting himself into you, his hips pumping against yours as you wrapped your legs around his waist. You held onto his shoulders as he buried his face in your neck, grunting at each thrust. He pinned your hips down, sitting back as he drilled himself into you. Your nails slid down his chest, causing his skin to redden in its wake.
Ren took your hands in his, pinning your wrists down above your head with just one of his hands. His pelvis pushed against your clit, causing you to buck your hips and moan loudly. He leaned down, covering his mouth with yours in a hurried kiss. He kissed behind your ear, causing a shiver to travel down your spine as he let go of your wrists. Immediately you pulled him closer to you, your nails scraping his back as you whimpered in his ear.
"[y/n]," he murmured, burying his face in your neck. That was all you needed as your abdomen contracted, an orgasm rippling through your body as you cried out. His name slipped through your lips as you grasped ahold of him, your nails digging into the skin on his back.
You could feel him shuddering above you, feeling your orgasm as he thrust himself into you with fervor. You felt his muscles begin to tense under your fingertips.
"Oh gods," you cried out, your lips pushed against his ear as you rode out the last waves of ecstasy. He was not far behind, a loud coarse groan emulating from the crook of your neck. You slid your fingers into his hair, holding him close to you as you felt him finish inside you.
The two of you panted heavily against each other for a few moments as you rode out the euphoria that was coursing through you. You leaned up a few moments later, gently kissing the shell of his ear as you smiled at him. You felt his lips curl into a smile against your skin and you both began to chuckle.
Sluggishly he rolled off of you, resting himself down on the pillow next to you. You watched as his chest heave in and out as he breathed heavily. Finally, he looked over at you, grabbing hold of your hand as he pulled you close to him.
"Was that–?" He asked through deep breaths. You cut him off, resting your head in the small of his shoulder.
"Perfect," you breathed