New Found Freedom - Kylo Ren x Reader

Chapter 12

You return to the Temple the next morning. Before you go to Ben, you give yourself some time to think. There's a garden next to where the Sith's meditate, and that's where you find yourself after returning from your trip.

You sit next to the flowers, rolling over the emotions in your heart, and the knowledge in your mind. You've never felt the call to the light until now. Growing up, all you had in your soul was hate and anger, wishing for a life where you could have control. Power is what you wanted, the power to make decisions for yourself. The First Order captured you, and that's what you got. They taught you to find your inner strength. You feel like you owe it to them to ignore this sudden call to the light. After all they've done for you, how could you betray them?

After meditating a bit with some of the Sith's, you leave the garden and go straight to your chambers, hoping Ben will be there. Sure enough he is, and you stare at the ring on your finger before approaching him. He turns to you and smiles, happy to see you home.

"How was your trip?" He asks.

"It was great." You lean up and place a small kiss on his lips.

"I have to confess something." You say quietly. He stares at you, waiting for you to speak again. "I lied about where I went. I actually went to D'Qar. I spoke with your mother."

He becomes tense, his lips purse in anger, and you watch him raise his hand slightly. You feel the Force surround you, closing in on your throat. But before it can cut off the air to your lungs you use all your strength to scream, "BEN, NO!"

He stops. His arm coils, like he's snapped out of almost doing something he would have seriously regretted. But he still can't believe what he just did. "I'm so s-orry!" His voice cracks.

You take a minute to recollect yourself, straightening your posture. "You stopped yourself. You didn't let your anger control you." You take a daring move in this situation and hold his hand. "I know you're not happy that I met your mother, but I only want to help you. I don't want to see you so miserable anymore."

He looks down at your hands, fingers connected. Inside he is so vulnerable. So scared. He hasn't slept in weeks, he hardly eats. Most days he spends secluded in your chambers, because he's afraid that if Hux and Phasma see him, they'll know he's straying to the light. You can tell he's different just by looking at his pale face and the dark circles under his eyes. He looks at you, his lips forming a small frown. "What did you tell her?"

You squeeze his hand gently. "I told her that you feel guilty for what you did. That you still feel the light inside you. She wants to see you, Ben. She wants to forgive you."

"But what if she can't? What if she sees my face and becomes disgusted, what if she looks at me with hate in her eyes because I'm the one who killed the man she loved. What if the Resistance finds me and ends me?" He tenses up, looking at the ground.

"You have to put your fears behind you. Do you want redemption? Do you want to get away from the dark side? Do you want to finally be happy?" You hold his face in your hands.

"Yes. I don't want to live this empty, cold life anymore." There's sincerity in his eyes. If you had thought for a second he wasn't being genuine, you wouldn't have gone through all this trouble.

"Then you have to see your mother. She knows you were manipulated at a young age, she wants to save you from the darkness. I can help her but I can't do it on my own."

"What about you? Snoke put his faith in you, he wanted to put you in charge of the First Order if something happens to me. What will you do if I leave the dark side?" He takes both your hands and holds them between you and himself.

"I haven't figured that out yet. I thought I belonged here, in the First Order. It was my first real taste of freedom and happiness. I'm not going to worry about myself right now, though. Don't you worry about me either." You lift his rough hands and kiss them, smiling faintly.

"Just don't ever let me hurt you. You're all I have right now." Ben says.

You nod. "I won't. I promise."