Art Class

18

(all rights reserved)

ZOE

THE CAR RIDE BACK to Cole's was silent.

I couldn't bring myself to talk about what I just witnessed. I may have been seconds away from seeing Jason carried away in handcuffs. He could've gone to jail, hell maybe he is in jail right now. He could be in some cold empty cell and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

Why would I want to do anything about it?

The last time I laid eyes on Jason was when he was raising his fist to strike me. Why are all these guilty emotions coming over me now? I thought I was over it, I thought I had tucked Jason away in with all the unpleasant things of my past.

So why was he trying to creep back into my present?

What felt like hours was merely minutes, Cole pulls up to his apartment. He turns off the engine and looks over at me. I avoid direct eye contact and open the car door. I hear Cole's door open then close, I wait for him to open his front door. His keys jingle.

It's freezing outside but I barely feel it.

Finally the door is open and we step through. The warmth from Cole's apartment engulfs us. It brings back some feeling.

"Zoe."

I stop in my tracks, I can feel Cole's presence as he takes a step closer to me. I don't turn around. I can't face his searching eyes that I know, knows everything that I am feeling. His hand gently touches my shoulder, but I still flinch nonetheless.

I step away from his touch, "I-I have to use the bathroom." I lie.

I close the wooden door behind me, my reflection stares back at me in the mirror. I look as confused as I feel. Then the tears cloud my vision until my reflection becomes a blurry odd shape. I feel myself sliding down the door until I am on the floor.

Knocks. Cole.

"Zoe? Zoe are you okay? Open the door, please." The worry in his voice only makes my shoulders rock harder, I hold my face in my hands and squeeze my eyes shut. The door is unlocked but I am sitting in front of it.

I move so that Cole can finally open the door.

In seconds the hard floor is replaced with his hard chest. He holds me close to him while he rubs comforting circles on my back.

I don't want them to, but all these memories come flooding back.

"Jason please believe me!" I pleaded. He looked at me in disbelief, I couldn't see the usual glow in his eyes. He wavered in stance a little before pointing his index finger out at me.

"I can't believe a cheater." He spat.

The words hit me deep down, the Jason I knew would never accuse me of something like that. I loved him too much to even think about hurting him in that way, in any way. I tried to step closer but I was shocked when instead he used all his strength to push me away. I flew back into the bookcase that stood in the corner of my room. Books fell everywhere around me.

I looked up at Jason, his eyes were wide and his hands frozen in place.

"Zoe..." He scrambled over to me mumbling out the word 'Sorry' too many times. But being the naïve teenager I was, I accepted his apology. I let myself believe that it was the alcohol that made Jason that way. I made myself believe that he loved me too much to want to intentionally bring harm to me.

That was the first time he put his hands on me.

"Zoe, why are you crying?" Cole brings me back to reality. My sobs have lessened and I am able to speak. Though I don't want to admit what I am crying for.

"It's," I hesitate. "Cole why couldn't we have stayed and helped him?"

I don't need to elaborate on who the 'he' was. Cole retracts just the slightest bit, he looks down.

"What would we have done?" He asks and I know it is rhetorical but I answer anyway. I lean back and look into his eyes.

"I-I don't know, maybe explained what happened to the cops? We could've gotten him out of there like we got out of there. I don't know Cole, something."

His hands grab onto mine, I look down at them.

"Zoe, do you still love him?"

The question is unexpected but it's as if he has been waiting for the right moment to ask it. I am ashamed of my answer before I even say it.

"We were together for four years Cole. How can I not still love him? We spent thousands of hours together, we have thousands of memories. I can't just throw that away in the blink of an eye."

I'm afraid when he pulls his hands away from my own. He stands up, I do the same. He leaves the bathroom and me, dumbfounded. I follow him to his room where he is going through his drawers and collecting clothes. He puts them in a small overnight bag. He doesn't acknowledge me as he passes by me and out of the room again.

Seconds later he re-enters with a toothbrush in his hand, he puts that in the bag as well. He zips it up.

"Cole, what are you.."

He looks up at me, I have never seen his eyes so emotionless.

"I think we need time away from each other." He simply says.

My heart drops, "Why?" I try to keep my voice steady. He runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath.

"Because you love him Zoe!" He exclaims, then quieter, "Because you love him."

He looks back up and I can now see that there are tears welling up in his eyes. The sight of that makes a lump form in my throat. I step closer.

"Cole, I thought you could understand-"

"I can't." He cuts me off, "I can't stay here knowing that you feel that way about him. I can't want to be close to you knowing you feel that way. I can't want to wrap my arms around you and kiss you like it's my last chance of ever doing so. "

"I know exactly how I feel about you Zoe, exactly. I don't want to put all of my heart out there just for it to be crushed. I want you to know exactly how you feel about me and you can't if I'm here swaying your feelings."

The tears are back, in both of our eyes now. "It's the right thing to do." He finishes.

Though he is about to leave, I wrap my arms around his neck and smash my lips against his anyway. His hands stay where they are, that hurts in a way I didn't know was possible. I pull away and look him in his eyes. I want to tell him to stay but I can't get the words to leave my mouth.

He leans down, placing a kiss to my forehead. I let my eyes close.

Then he is out of his room and out of his apartment.

And I am alone.

............................................

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, it means so much!