"Hello?" Pt. 1

February 24th 2016

"Oh... cool."

"Don't sound so awkward about it, Daniel. Ok, important question for you- French manicure or lilac?"

"For...?"

"My nails."

"Hands or feet?"

"Hands."

"French manicure."

"Yeah, you're right. Lilac it is."

"I'm pretty sure that's not what I said."

"I'm choosing to ignore what you said."

"Then why ask?"

"Because I wanted to."

"I don't get you."

"That's the beauty of this friendship- neither of us quite understands the other, but we're still cool regardless."

"Insightful."

"Yep."

"So, what are you doing after visiting Lucas?"

"Probably coming home."

"I don't suppose you fancy going out for dinner?"

"Are you asking me out on a date, Mr Whitaker?"

"No."

"Oh. I was kinda hoping that you were."

"Because you're so in love with me"?

"Damn it, you caught me!"

"Go on, tell me the real reason."

"I wanted to seduce you, get you to fall madly in love with me, propose and marry me and then I could one day be a Duchess."

"Ah, you just want me for my future title."

"Totes. Why else do you think I call you daily?"

"Well, I don't feel used at all."

"Oh, you're totally being used."

"Haha. So, dinner?"

"Yeah, why not. Text me the details later. Do I need to get dressed up?"

"No, jeans and a t-shirt will do. You're a cheap date."

"Cheap? Honey, there's nothing cheap about me. Not even my jeans and t-shirts."

"We're going to MEATmarket in Covent Garden."

"What if I told you that I'm a vegetarian?"

"They have a veggie option. And, you're not a vegetarian. I saw how you attacked that double cheeseburger from McDonalds on your birthday."

"You're no fun."

"I'm not?"

"You don't indulge my weirdness."

"If I indulge your weirdness, you'll get more weird. Then, I'll have to indulge even more of your weirdness and that'll make you weirder again. Vicious cycle. Which is why I don't dare start."

"You are such a bore."

"It's called being a grown up."

"No, sweetheart, it's called being over thirty."

"Sweetheart, you're thirty next year."

"Why would you say such a thing?!"

"Because it is a fact."

"That's just cruel."

"That's life."

"Life is cruel."

"Yes, it is."

"Great, now I'm feeling down. I was having a really nice day, and then you went and ruined it."

"It's only ten past nine, Sophie. Your day has barely started. Just watch more 'My husband slept with my best friend and a lie detector test will prove it!' and you'll feel right as rain again."

"I'm not sure Jeremy Kyle can get me out of this funk. Maybe Schofield on This Morning will. I love him."

"Schofield? The silver fox?"

"I have a thing for older guys."

"You have a thing for most guys."

"That's called lust. This, with Schofield, that's love."

"Your taste in men is all wrong."

"Oh, I am fully aware of that! If you line up all my ex-boyfriends, that much is pretty obvious."

"Haha, that bad?"

"Worse. Drag queen, married, obsessed with his hair... none of them were catch of the decade."

"If it makes you feel better, my history isn't that much better."

"True. At least none of my boyfriends shagged either of my sisters."

"Thanks for the reminder, Soph."

"You're welcome."

"Is it time for This Morning yet?"

"Trying to get rid of me?"

"I was trying to be subtle..."

"Hey!"

"It was a joke. But, seriously, I do need to go."

"Fine."

"MEATmarket at six?

"Isn't that a bit early for a workaholic like you?"

"For you, I think I can do it."

"Lucky me. I am not wearing jeans and a t-shirt, though."

"Just don't get too dressed up, that's all."

"But I wanted an excuse to wear my new Westwood ballgown!"

"Shit out of luck, Sophie."

"Whoa! Dirty mouth there, Whitaker."

"Learnt from the best."

"Atta boy."

"See you later, weirdo."

"Ok. Love you, bye."

"Love you, bye."