28 Days

Day 6

Short update yet it still almost killed me while writing this. But as long as MaiChard is smoothly sailing, kampante lang tayo.

Enjoy!

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Day 6

The blinding lights from the window woke me up. I turned over on my other side and snuggled back under the covers, trying to go back to sleep. But I couldn't. Then I again remembered everything that happened last night. Right after Alden said those words to me, I quietly got in his car and never dared to speak again. I can feel him casually taking looks on me, maybe checking if I was still breathing or whatever he thought that moment. The only thing that I wanted last night was to go home in my condo, pack my things and fly back to New York. Spending another week here won't do me any good.

But I remembered Valeen and I couldn't ditch her wedding just because I can't stand seeing my ex-boyfriend with his new girl. I then texted her to apologize to them for the scene last night. I also told her that we could hang out here and I'll cook something for them. I was surprised when she replied and told me she'll bring Patricia along. Good thing she didn't thought of bringing Kim too.

I ran downstairs and looked for something I can cook. Too bad Coleen didn't stock enough groceries but I still have something I can use for baking. Maybe we'll just call for a pizza or whatever they want to eat and have it delivered.

I always cook for myself in New York. One thing I learned when me and RJ were still together is to stay away from fastfood as I can. Ugh, forget about what I said. I decided to bake muffins. Valeen and Patricia loved those and I'm sure they'll love this.

I already showered and the muffins are already set when the doorbell rang. I put the muffins on the side to let it cool and opened the door. I welcomed the two with a hug.

"Hi Meng! Grabe, ngayon lang ulit kami nakapunta dito sa condo mo ha."

"Oo nga e, pasok pasok. Oh, may dala na pala kayong pagkain!"

"Oo diba tinext mo na wala ka ngang groceries tas oorder nalang edi nagdrive-thru na kami ni Val para di na tayo maghintay ng mas matagal."

Inayos ko yung mga dala nilang pagkain at nilagay lahat sa table. Kumuha na din ako ng plates at utensils.

"Saan nga ba yung venue ng kasal nyo?" I asked Valeen.

"Sa may St. Peter Parish. Dun kasi kinasal yung parents niya tsaka dun kami unang nagsimba together as an official couple."

"Grabe no, akalain mo yun? In three weeks, ikakasal ka na. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks Meng. Alam mo akala ko talaga ikaw ang mauunang ikasal satin eh. Sayang."

"Ano ka ba ikakasal muna kayong dalawa bago ako no. Tsaka pano ako ikakasal wala nga akong boyfriend."

"Kayo sana ni RJ eh.." Mahinang sabi ni Patricia. I smiled at her to make them feel it's okay.

"Ano ba kayo. Kung kami talaga sa huli, antayin nalang natin diba. But I'm afraid di na mangyayari yun. I saw the way he looked at her. It was the same way he looked at me before. And, he's happy."

"But are you?"

"Pinili ko naman 'to eh. Ako yung may gusto nito. Ako yung tumulak sa kanya palayo kaya ako nandito kung nasaan ako ngayon." Patricia hugged me and I didn't noticed I was already crying.

"So Valeen, how does it feels na in three weeks time ikakasal ka na lalaking mahal mo? Don't mind me, okay lang ako." I tried to smile.

"Honestly, I still feel like I'm daydreaming. Yung feeling na ang saya saya kasi eto na yun e, wala ng atrasan 'to. Masaya.. Sobrang saya na minsan nakakatakot. Pero si Je, siya yung pumapawi ng takot ko. Sa kanya ako humuhugot ng lakas na meron ako ngayon."

Scared. That's what I felt years ago. Being with RJ is both happy and scary. Every moment with him felt like floating higher and higher that it made me so scared that I'll fall alone and got hurt. RJ was so sure about me, about us. But being the ever pessimistic bella that I was, I trusted him with all my heart but it was me whom I don't trust. I'm afraid I won't be good enough for him. I unconsciously sabotage what we had with the fear that he will leave me the same way everyone does when I don't meet their expectations.

"Maine, you don't know how proud we are of you. You're so strong. You and RJ may have had something that was wonderful and transcendent for a time but as much as it sucks, the universe has a way of teaching the both of you lessons because it’s the only way you’ll learn them. We can’t always have what we want, but we know you too deserve to be happy. And we hope that you let your heart open to love again, the same way how RJ met Kim. And found your own happiness even without him."

"But I don't want to find my own Kim, because I know deep inside in me, this.." I pointed my finger on my chest, "this stubborn heart still belongs to him. It still fcking beats his name. But who am I to take his happiness away from him? I'm not asking him to take me back, just let me love him until this stubborn heart learns to stop and realize that maybe we weren't really meant to be together. But somehow, maybe someday.. We'll be. And if that time comes, I won't let that chance pass away again."