“Somewhere in the centre of my soul, a rusty chain began to unwind. It freed itself, link by link, from where it had rested, unobserved, waiting for him...The chain continued to drop, to an unfathomable depth where there was nothing but darkness” – Deborah Harkness
Eden:
“I don’t want you to go, Emmy” George clung to Emma’s leg, his eyes big and brown and wet. I had tears in my eyes, too, but I had always fought hard not to cry in front of George. Ever.
“I’ll come and see you lots, George, I promise” Emma crouched down, looking tearful herself, and hugged George hard. She kissed the top of his head, “And I’m only a twenty minute drive away, remember? And Mummy can bring you to see me on the train – you’d like that, right?”
Reluctantly, George nodded. His little fingers gripped Emma’s blue cashmere jumper so hard I feared he might rip the expensive fabric.
Chase hovered awkwardly next to me; he’d just hefted the last of Emma’s boxes into the back of the hired van and was watching her warily. I think he thought that maybe she’d change her might at the last minute, horrified by the thought of leaving my son, but I knew she wouldn’t. She loved Chase, really loved him, and I knew already that the two of them had a future together. I could see it already – a family home, a couple of pets, doll-like dark-haired children. I was truly, truly happy for them, even if part of me was maybe a little jealous too.
“He’ll be fine” I forced a smile for Chase, lightly touching his arm, “Don’t look so guilty. He knows that he’ll still see Emma all the time”
Chase grinned ruefully, ran his hand through dark golden curls, “I hope so. I just feel bad for him, y’know? Emma is like his family”
“Emma is family” I corrected, and Emma looked at me from over George’s shoulder with a watery smile. She gently prised him off of her and kissed his forehead.
“See you very soon, okay, sweetheart? I’ll call you tonight! We can speak on the phone”
George looked wary, but he did indeed let go; leaving Emma to fling herself into my arms in a most un-Emma-like way.
“I love you” I told her, trying to pretend I wasn’t crying. She was making my shoulder damp.
“I love you too, Eddie. You ever need me, you know where I am, okay? Just because I don’t live with you anymore, it doesn’t mean anything needs to change. And if you ever need help with the rent – “
“Don’t. No. I have to cope on my own. We’ll be fine”
“Okay. Of course you will” she drew away, smiling at me with a mouth that wanted so desperately to frown.
“Thanks for everything”
I snorted, “Are you kidding? You don’t have to thank me for anything. You’ve done everything for me”
She shrugged, grinning teasingly, “I do what I can”
I laughed and hugged her again, trying not to think about how lonely the evenings would be without her to drink wine with and laugh with and curl up under the duvet to watch movies with.
My eyes prickled, but I didn’t cry until much later. Not until she’d driven away with Chase and George was all tucked up in bed, his eyes red from crying.
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A month or so after his fourth birthday – several months after Emma and Chase had moved in together – George arrived home in a particularly strange mood.
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Paper Hearts
العاطفية“Something magical has happened to me: like a dream when one feels frightened and creepy, and suddenly wakes up to the knowledge that no such terrors exist. I have wakened up.” - Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy. Eden Copley is sixteen the day she meets O...
