Paper Hearts

NOW

One final, hollow scream of his name and I collapse beside him, both of us gasping for breath. I’m not sure exactly how long it’s been, but I know for certain that we’ve been fucking for hours – there’s a lot of stuff that can’t be said with words, not after eight years apart. Taking short, shallow gasps, I look over at Ollie and find that he is already looking at me. I watch the gentle rise and fall of his ribcage in thoughtful silence.

“That was...amazing” he says at last, staring at me, “I mean, sex with you was always amazing, but that – that was something else”

I roll over onto my side and smile at him, “It was pretty phenomenal”

He reaches out to stroke back my hair from my flushed face, “It’s strange...because you’re so different! But at the same time, you’re exactly the same” his eyes fix on mine, solemn, “You’re beautiful, Ede. You’re glorious. I’d forgotten”

I don’t know what to say. The sex was a hugely enjoyable method of distraction, but now the talking has to start – and I’m kind of scared of words, these days.

He takes my slender wrist between thumb and forefinger, turning it so that the charms on my bracelet sparkle.

“You didn’t take it off”

“Of course I didn’t”

Instinctively, I move into the position that we have slept in every night since we first shared a bed; I roll onto my belly, my head still turned to face him, and fling my arm across the smooth muscles of his torso. I feel, rather than see, his smile.

“Ede?”

“Mhm?”

He chuckles, “Sorry. I’d forgotten how sleepy you get after sex”

“I didn’t forget any of it. Not even the tiny little details; like how chatty you get after sex”

He snorts with laughter; I smile against his chest. A silence settles, a peaceful, comfortable silence. Ollie’s hands move smoothly over my hair, almost automatically – I get the sense that he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it.

“Ede, I need to tell you something”

“Can we do this in the morning, Ollie? Please” his confession will lead to my confession, and I’m not ready to drop that bombshell yet.

“I’ve waited eight years to tell you that I love you, I can’t wait any longer”

I tense against his hip, “Ollie, we don’t have to talk about this now”

He hesitates; I know he wants to protest, to insist that we talk about it in this instant – but I also know that he desperately doesn’t want to spoil our joint state of sated contentment. I wrap my arm tighter across his body. He relents.

“Okay...but, Eden, one more thing?”

I smile again, “If you must”

“Is there anyone else? I mean...are you with anyone right now?”

“No, Ollie. It’s always been you”

“You mean – “

“Yes, Ollie. You were my only proper boyfriend. Just you”

I feel him relax beneath my arm, “Okay. Right. That’s all I really needed to know”