“Sometimes she did not know what she feared, what she desired: whether she feared or desired what had been or what would be, and precisely what she desired, she did not know” – Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy.
Eden:
I took Mum, Dad and Emma to the scan with me. I’d already persuaded Emma and Mum to be my birthing partners, and I took my Dad because I thought that maybe actually seeing the beginnings of the baby inside me would make him a glare at me a little less often. The midwife looked a little surprised when the four of us crowded into the room, but she didn’t protest.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I’d feel when I saw my baby. I thought maybe I’d be scared, maybe I’d be shocked – maybe actually seeing it would finally make it feel like this was all real and I’d have a massive freak-out. I wasn’t sure. But I could never have prepared myself for what I felt when I saw my baby on the screen.
I fell in love with it. Literally. Sounds ridiculous, I know, it was just a blob on the screen, we couldn’t even make out a head or limbs yet – but I loved it. Because it was...mine. Completely and utterly mine. It was inside me, I owned it, no-one could take it away. And thinking about that caused a massive smile to bloom on my face.
Emma squeaked, “This feels very real now”
“Yes” Dad agreed shortly, but his voice was faint and I think he was more than a little mesmerised by the image on the screen.
Mum leaned over me to get a closer look, “Oh, Eden, it’s so exciting to see him!”
“Him?” I smiled quizzically at her, “Do you know something I don’t?”
She laughed, “No. Not exactly. But they do say that mums are always right, don’t they? And I think that’s a boy”
I tilted my head to one side, looked at the scan as though it would give me a give me a clue, “Really?”
“What do you think it is?” Dad asked curiously. I almost thought I’d imagined him speaking; he hadn’t spoken to me in weeks, let alone shown any interest in the pregnancy. I looked at him warily.
“Umm..I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it”
“I agree with your Mum” said Emma at once, “And you know I’m also always right”
She and my Mum grinned at each other. Dad looked at me, at the nurse; finally, he looked at the screen.
“I think it’s a girl” he decided, “I hope she looks like you did”
On that day, we smiled at each other for the first time in weeks.
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At the beginning of November, I had a visitor.
I was four months pregnant by this time – though only just – and the scan photo of my baby was displayed in pride of place on the mantelpiece. Even Dad was beginning to come around to the idea since the day of the scan. Emma and my Nan had started to get excited- Nan had already bought piles of clothing and even a couple of toys, though I told her it was much too early, and me and Emma spent our lunchtimes leafing through the giant dictionary of baby names that she’d bought. I was just starting to show, which meant the whole school now knew my secret – and it wasn’t pleasant. I was a victim of daily questions over the identity of the father, cheesy pick-up lines from guys who were suddenly interested in me now that they thought I was easy, and far too much slut-shaming for my liking. Ms Hugo offered to stop their crass comments, but I pointed out that even she couldn’t stop them from talking. Not everyone was like that, though; everyone who had been my friend before Ollie stayed my friend, and seemed perfectly content to support me. I really valued them.
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Paper Hearts
रोमांस“Something magical has happened to me: like a dream when one feels frightened and creepy, and suddenly wakes up to the knowledge that no such terrors exist. I have wakened up.” - Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy. Eden Copley is sixteen the day she meets O...
