Cannot Choose One (L x Reader x Light)

7

Okay guys... I have basically gone on a hiatus without even knowing it... But thank you for your supports~ <33 :) I love u all! Best thing to see is a hundred notifications after more than 2 months of disappearing xD.

Ah I honestly had no idea what gone through my mind when i wrote this chapter... This has gone from cheerful and funny to just... You'll see, you'll see. I hope this chapter doesn't bore anyone out :'D Though there is little romance ;)

Enjoy, my lovelies~

| LoliMonster |

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Years ago, when you were about... maybe 14? Not too long ago. You were getting used to living on the streets and stealing money, food, luxuries, etc. Whatever a human needs.

That time, you were still wandering on earth like an disowned animal. Drenched from the rain, covered in dirt and trash, wearing clothes people had abandoned on the sidewalk.

You were so depressed that day. So driven to the edge of committing suicide. So driven to walk up to a random tall building, go to the top floor, and leave the world with the sight of the city. This cruel and absolutely disgusting city where nasty people lingered, creating their nasty crimes, sinning.

You felt so empty. That day is still so clear in your mind. You had so many negative thoughts. You wouldn't call them "regrets" exactly.

That day, you were dragging your feet, trying to outrun a bunch of guys who you caught raping a girl in a dark alley. You were panting, splashing puddles under your feet as you ran, so scarred by what you've just witnessed.

A broken glass bottle of beer you held while running, which you found lying beside your feet as you watched: Yes. You tried to save the girl.

Stupid... You had thought while running away, I'm so so stupid to have done that. Look at what I've got myself into. So stupid... Yet, at the same time, you felt relieved. For whom? For the girl?

It wasn't for anyone. You had no idea why you did it. Perhaps you felt bad at that time. Perhaps... But now; at that time, you almost wish that they would catch you and kill you. It would make your death more dramatic and not so typical. Just average.

But you hid. As interesting as that sounds, you feared death. And you hated yourself for that.

After outrunning them, you began walking aimlessly. There was nowhere to go. No place for you. There never was to begin with. You belonged to the places where 'love' didn't exist. Only losses. Only tragedy. Only loneliness. Only misery. Only regrets.

You're about to start crying when your eyes caught a scene from a tv. It was through a glass window, displaying for all to see. Just that there was no one who ever passed or took a glance.

It was about a long distance relationship. The couple finally sees each other after a long absence, and the girl says, "It is as if no time has passed at all".

At that moment, you scoffed. Then you laughed. You laughed so hard, your laughter echoed through the streets. It wasn't even funny. It wasn't supposed to be. But you laughed. Because it was sad. Because to have no time passed at all was impossible. There's no way everything would be the same.

3 years ago, you were a girl from an orphanage. You were there at that place where 'love' didn't seem to exist. You were only striving for the top, to beat L. Just a normal little kid with a sad background story with all the other little kids who were the same as you. A dungeon of emptiness.

And now? You were running for your life. You don't even have the basics of surviving. You've grown. You look pitiful. Even worse than when you started out. 7 years later, all the cells in your body will be renewed. So what a laugh it was. It didn't make any sense. It was just sad. Love and romance makes you say stupid things. Illogical things.

Thank god, you had thought. Thank god I never experienced any love. Thank god... Thank god... You repeated. And that was even worse than anything a child would say. You couldn't even say it with your throat stinging, a lump threatening to spill out tears.

You closed your eyes. You shouldn't have let your guard down.

Big hands grabbed at you and you're pulled into darkness.

Your limbs tied and useless.

Shadows hovering over you as you cry in vain.

Pleading... Screaming... Struggling... Fearing... Hurting...

How funny it was. It hasn't even been an hour or a half, and you became that girl you had rescued minutes ago. So how can it seem as if no time has passed at all when just then, you were depressed and lost, and now you were having a mixture of feelings no one should be feeling?

Instead of feeling like a superman for rescuing someone, you felt like you just sacrificed yourself for a stranger.

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You woke up panting again, your whole body covered in sweat. You don't remember what your nightmare was about, but you knew it was scary.

You were being held down.

"[Y/N]... You okay?" A gentle voice, like someone was singing a lullaby, questions. Light puts his cool hand on top of your forehead, a look of worry in his eyes.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Your voice comes out hoarse.

"I just came to wake you just now to tell you breakfast was ready" he explains, stroking your forehead.

You nod, the tears coming to your eyes too quickly. You weren't supposed to have that dream. Why did you have that dream? That disgusting nightmare...

"Oh god" you let out a shuddering breath as you cover your face with both hands.

"Shh... It's okay, it's okay..." Light hushes, pulling you into his arms, embracing you. So safe... So warm... There was no way this man could be heartless. There was no way this man was that man who wrote those names away mercilessly. You just couldn't believe it. Not when he's comforting you so gently like this, holding you like you were something delicate and fragile.

You snuggle into his chest, burying your face into him. He holds you closer, tighter.

"I'm here... It's okay. It was just a dream, a flashback" he whispers soothingly into your ear and plants a kiss on the top of your head.

"Aww look at you lovebirds" Ryuk teases in a baby tone, cackling afterwards as he flies through a wall and away.

Freaking shinigami had to ruin the mood, you glare at the spot where he had just slipped past.

Light chuckles, "Oh don't worry, I'll kill that guy later."

You smile, your eyelids starting to grow heavy. With him wrapping you like this, there's nothing to worry about now, nothing to be afraid of. You trusted him so completely right now, it was almost terrifying.

It was like you were placing and entrusting your life in his hands.

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Until next time..!

|  LoliMonster  |