Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

Being Diagnosed

"Actually," Lucius started, "Severus had also told me that she had used stems and Euphoria Elixir for a short time because she was feeling terrible anxiety. She has also had a couple anxiety attacks in the past."

I stiffened. Why had Uncle Severus told him all of this? I didn't want peope knowing this. This was my personal business. My own personal, embarrassing business. No one needed to know but myself.

"I see. So the anxiety was starting before the battle happened?"

"Yeah..." I wispered into Lucius's ear.

"Yes." He repeated.

"Eleanor." Green put the folder down. "I'm going to ask you a few qustions. I want you to answer them for me, okay? You don't have to talk to me, just shake you're head. Can you do that for me?" I stared at him.

"You want to get better, don't you, Eleanor?" Lucius asked. I thought of my Uncle. Scabior. Vincent. I nodded. "Then you have to answer him, okay?" I nodded again.

"Alright," Healer Green started. "Do you recall bein easily distracted?"

I shook my head no.

"Easily functioning with little sleep?"

I nodded my head yes.

"Poor temper control?"

Yes.

"Have you been eating like you should be?"

No.

"Are you refusing to eat?"

No.

"Then are you just not hungry?"

Yes.

"Are you tired?"

Yes.

"Do you feel useless? Or hopeless?"

Yes.

"Do you feel like doing anything? LIke things you used to do? Hobbies or anything?"

No.

"Just feel like laying around in bed, huh?" I noted sympathy in his voice. I pulled on my hair as my tears came back full force. Why were there so many questioins? He frowned.

"Alright. We're done with questions right now. I'm going to get you a cup of water. It might make you feel better if you have a drink. " He got up and got a cup before using his wand to fill it up with water. He held it out for me, but I looked away from him. I didn't want to take anything from him. Lucius took hit from him and nudge me.

"Here, Elle. Take a drink." He tried to give it to me, but I didn't take it. How did I know it was water? I didn't want it. I stared at it. "Come on, have a drink. PLease?" He put the cup to my lips. OKay. If Lucius was so converned with me drinking it, it had to be safe. So, I took it from him and tilted it back, taking a small sip. Then, I simply dropped it to the floor. It landed on it's side, making water creep out onto the floor. "Eleanor! " He reached for the cup, surprised. Healer Green beat him to it."I am so sorry, she-"

"I understand. She's fine. It's just water, I can just clean it up. But if I didn't know any better, I think she wants to go back to her room for a nap. Am I correct?" He looked at me. I put my face back into Lucius's arm.

"I think you are." Lucius replied, patting my back.

"Thank you for coming in." Healer Green opened the door for us. Lusius got up, forcing me to do the same. Actuallly, a nap sounded nice. I was tired. The only thing I was worried about were the nightmare. The horrible, terrible nightmares that had been tourchering me. I used my toes to elevate myself to Lucius's ear.

"Do I have to go to sleep?" I wispered. He looked at me, puzzled.

"Why don't you want to?"

"Because, every time I sleep I have nightmares?" I started crying again at just the memories. Like most of my nightmare I had before the Battle, they wer more flash backs then dreams. I kept seeing Scabior falling to his death. Kept imagining the horrid cursed fire engulfing Vince.

Lucius hugged me.

"Is everything okay?" Healer Green asked. Lucius continued to stroke my hair.

"Yes. She just said that she's been having nightmares."

"About the Battle?" He questioned. I started sobbing; He had said no more questions.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Green solomly said. "It was nice seeing you. I will have your diagnoses later today. "

"Thank you." Lucius said on our way out the door. Since we were walking, I couldn't hug his torso, so I was hugging his arm instead.

"No problem. Goodbye, Miss Snape. Have a nice day."

I cried all the way to my room, then laid on my bed and cried some more. Lucius continued to pet me hair, making feel better, yet worse, at the same time. Scabior used to do that when I was upset. It mmake my heart hurt for him, but yet, it felt to good. So familiar. My emotions were everywhere at once, and this made the knot in my chest the tightest it had ever been. It was so hard to breath.

"Shh..." Lucius shushed. "You're going to give yourself an anxiety attack if you don't calm down."

"I...I...." I tried to find something to say, but couldn't find anything. So instead, I let myself fall asleep, only to, as expected, have a nightmare.

......................................................................

I woke up already crying. Lucius was sitting in a chair beside my bed, reading a thick looking paper. I sat up, wiping my eyes, trying my best to keep the rate where it was instead of turning into sobbing. He looked over at me.

"It's okay, Eleanor. " He assured, half hugging me. Then he pulled his hand away, holding out the paper. "Look, you have your diagnoses. See? Now it will be easier to help you. They said they're going to try to start you on Combinations tommorrow."

I raised an eyebrow. Combinations of Potions? That's what they gave sick people or crazy people. I had to be either of the two, and I had a pretty good feeling of which one I was. I took the paper from him and read. When I finished, I wadded the paper up and threw it across the room. Panic rose in my throat.

Bipolar Disorder.

Severe Depression.

Post Tramatic Streess Disorder

. All accompanied by attacks of extreme anxiety.

That's what I was disagnosed with. There wasn't only one thing wrong with me, but a list. A list. I pulled on my hair as I began sobbing.

I was crazy.