I'm Going Slightly Mad

Chapter 24

Over the next few days, Aaron’s mood improved drastically. It was getting cold out again, finally. By now it was almost November, so it had been cold for a while, but now it was starting to feel like winter, Aaron’s favorite season.

He’d once heard of a condition called seasonal affective disorder, or, coincidentally, SAD. It was essentially a form of depression that only affected people during the winter. Aaron had the opposite of that. When winter came along, he got excited. He loved the winter holidays, he loved watching the snow, and he especially loved the long nights spent wrapped up in a blanket, drinking tea and writing until his fingers were sore. Almost all of his favorite memories had been made during winter, and he intended to make a few more. Even his favorite clothes were worn in winter: his Burberry scarf, his dark overcoat with all the buttons, and his second favorite boots (first favorite being the Guccis, which were far too expensive to be exposed to snow).

Miles, he found, shared his love of cold weather. When Aaron started babbling about how excited he was for winter, Miles’s eyes lit up, and he joined in eagerly. Miles’s best memories were apparently of playing in the snow as a child; building forts, snowmen, and having snowball fights with his mother. He also found mittens amusing, which Aaron didn't understand, but to each their own.

They soon took to taking walks around the campus every day after their classes were over, simply to enjoy the cool air and wait for it to snow. As it got colder and colder, though, these walks seemed less and less like a good idea.

Aaron shivered, and watched as his breath billowed into the air and dissipated. He stuffed his good hand into his pocket, and wondered if there was any way to warm up the hand wrapped in plaster.

“Cold?” Miles asked, looking concerned.

Another shiver wracked Aaron’s body. “Little bit.”

Miles tugged him close, so they were pressed up against each other. “I’ll warm you up.”

Had Aaron’s cheeks not already been red from the cold, he would’ve blushed. “Thanks.” He laughed awkwardly, but made no move to get away.

They walked on, Miles’s arm around Aaron’s waist, sharing body heat. Aaron hated to admit it, but he loved it. It simply felt right in a way Aaron couldn’t find the words to describe. His vocabulary was developed enough that he rarely felt at a loss for words, but he knew of no terms that fit this. Only right, and that wasn’t exactly an adjective you used on a feeling. Usually, he hated when something was beyond his ability to define, but this, in its rightness, was exempt. It was right, and good, so Aaron could feel nothing but right and good, and maybe a little confused, and a lot curious.

This was something he didn’t really want to think about. He got the feeling that it had deeper meaning that he wouldn’t appreciate, and the last thing he wanted was to ruin this.

He stopped thinking, and they kept walking, and everything was right.

***

With Lucas so busy, Aaron didn’t have many friends left. In fact, he had only one: Miles.

Aaron wasn’t the friendliest person you could come across. He was loud, opinionated, and always had to be right. Those weren’t exactly appealing qualities. People usually stayed away from him after only one or two interactions. That was about how long it took for them to realize that he wasn’t friendship material. No one ever gave him a chance to show that he wasn’t always such an ass, save for Miles and Lucas.

Lucas had seen him at his worst, so Aaron’s usual behavior didn’t bother him at all. He knew it could be worse, and the way they could banter together was apparently worth sticking around for. Aaron wasn’t honestly sure why Miles still hung out with him. He was sure he’d proven to Miles that he simply wasn’t a great person, yet, Miles kept coming back. Aaron appreciated this, of course, but that wasn’t to say he understood it.

There was something off about Miles in general, and Aaron wasn’t sure what it was, or if he even wanted to know. Of course Miles had feelings for him. Aaron had stopped denying that a long time ago, and he was fine with it. He’d never tell anyone, but he was developing feelings for Miles, as well. That wasn’t what was off. There was something else, and Aaron just couldn’t place it. It was almost like desperation, or resignation, something of that sort. Sort of like he was afraid of something indistinct. He was determined to break free of this fear, but it followed him everywhere, leading to that resignation. It seemed to Aaron like something intangible, like a feeling or a memory. Both, perhaps? Every now and again, Miles’s mood would suddenly shift, and happy, awkward Miles became uncomfortable and anxious. As far as Aaron could tell, there was no pattern, no physical trigger. It had to be something in his head.

Like when they were walking earlier, and Miles had his arm around Aaron. He’d been ecstatic at first, talking rapidly and grinning constantly, but after a few minutes, he paused, going silent, and when he spoke again his voice was quiet and tremulous. His smile disappeared, replaced with a worried grimace. Aaron asked him what was wrong, and he only shook his head, looking confused and somewhat bleak.

This had only started recently, so Aaron didn’t have much information to go on, but based on the data he’d managed to gather, it seemed to have something to do with closeness. Not always only physical closeness, but if they were talking about something particularly deep or intimate, Miles would seem to shut down a little. It was quite odd, and Aaron had to admit he was worried.

Was he doing something to make Miles uncomfortable? Was this all his fault? He was normally very good about not accidentally alienating people. He’d always been very perceptive, picking up on people’s feelings and moods. Yes, he usually used this to piss them off, since he could detect sore spots so well, but on occasion, he could really help people. The switch in Miles’s mood always happened so quickly that Aaron couldn’t get a lock on it, so not only was he confused, he was also frustrated.

This would undoubtedly take deeper investigation.

***

The day the cast came off was one of the happiest days Aaron had ever known.

He gazed at his bare arm, smiling as he flexed his fingers. There was still pain, but it was lesser, easier to ignore, and he could ward it off with only an aspirin or two. He’d been absolutely ready to tear the cast off by himself for about two weeks now, so finally being rid of it felt amazing.

Miles, who had come along ‘as moral support’, grinned at him. “Feel good?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

Miles reached out and took his hand, gently rubbing his thumb in circles on Aaron’s palm. Aaron took the initiative and twined their fingers together so they were holding hands.

Miles’s grin disappeared, and he took his hand away from Aaron’s.

Aaron frowned. Had he done something wrong? Miles had been the one to take his hand, it couldn’t be Aaron’s fault. He narrowed his eyes. Deeper investigation, indeed.