Kiss Me Goodbye

Our Days Are Numbered (Day 14)

 Sunday, July 9

The wind blows my hair around wildly, and I push it back from my face impatiently as I bite my lip. The shade of a tree keeps us out of the summer heat, and nearby, children are sliding down slides and swinging on the monkey bars. I glance over at the playing kids, not entirely sure what to say.

"So this is it," whispers Luke. "Last day here."

"Yeah." My voice breaks, and I can't go on.

Somewhere in the distance, a child screams a sound of mingled mirth and laughter.

"I can't believe time's passed so quickly," Luke says. He stretches his arm around my shoulder, and I rest my head against his chest. I can feel his heartbeats through his thin shirt.

Thump, thump.

It seems to me like a clock, ticking away ominously. It's the countdown until I'll have to leave this wonderful place.

"I'm really going to miss this," I sigh, "it's so beautiful, and it was such a good escape."

"Well do me a favour," he says. "when you go back to Michigan, give Leon a big, hard slap from me."

I give a watery chuckle. "I will."

He strokes my hair in silence, obviously contemplating something. "I really can't believe it," he says.

"Our last day together," I sigh. "My flight is at 4:30 A.M. tomorrow..."

"Well you know what?" he says, "we're going to make this day the best!"

I give him a questioning look, and he grins down at me.

*

The lake looks different than it did the first time we came here. Then, under the moonlight, it was so serene. Now, the rays of sunshine dance across the surface of the water, and in the distance, someone seems to be kayaking.

"Come on," Luke says, pulling me into the water.

We splash and play around like little kids, and after our energy's exhausted, he takes out a picnic basket full of snacks. Sitting on a red-checkered blanket, we munch away happily. Luke's hair is wet, making it look almost brown, and I note with a pang that he looks amazing.

When we go back into the lake again, it seems to be with a more serious air. Luke's eyes turn more and more melancholy by the second, and I can feel the weight of separation weighing down my heart.

Finally, I can't avoid the topic any longer. "So what are we gonna do?" I ask, even though I already have an answer.

Luke shakes his head, spraying droplets of water all over the place. God, he's so handsome. "I love you," he says plainly. "I want to be with you no matter where you are."

The blatant desire in his eyes makes shivers go up my spine. "You're- you're coming to Michigan with me?" I hold my breath, hardly daring to believe it.

"No," Luke says sadly. "I wish I could; I'm really gonna miss you, but we can still be together."

I gulp, steeling myself. This morning I had spent most of my time sitting, thinking, and moping. Although I don't want to, I realized that I have to do this. A long-distance relationship just isn't possible, and I'd rather end this earlier than get too emotionally attached.

"Luke," I say, looking everywhere but his eyes. "I'm sorry, but- I just can't."

"Can't what?" he asks, his eyes wide.

"I can't do this. I just don't think a long-distance relationship is a good idea." I say.

"Oh," he says. When I chance a glance up at him, his eyes have gone blank. "Okay. Do you want to go home now?"

"What?" I ask. "Already?"

"I'm tired," he says. And it's true, his eyes seem to have aged a thousand years. They look weary and tired, not bright like they normally are.

The ride home is silent, and when he pulls up to Aunty's house, I breathe a sigh of relief. The atmosphere is colder than custard.

"Are you alright?" I ask.

"What? Yeah." he responds. His voice cracks at the end and he sniffles.

I place my hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure? I'm here if you need to talk."

He shakes my hand off angrily. "I don't need to talk," he says curtly. His voice is tinged with hurt, and I feel like something has gone through my heart.

"Look, is this about us?" I ask cautiously.

Suddenly, Luke blows up. "No- Yes! You know, you're not helping! How can I get over you when you act like this?"

"Sorry," I whisper. "I hope we'll keep in touch, then." I lean over to give him a kiss on the cheek before scrambling out the door. I have barely gotten out before the car sputters angrily and backs out of the driveway, zooming around the corner out of sight.

"Bye, Luke," I whisper before running into the house.

*

My heart is heavy as I pack up all my belongings. When I'm finally done, I trudge downstairs and set it by the door.

"Is Luke coming to see you off tomorrow?" Renee asks. She leans against the doorway, watching my expression carefully.

"No," I say, willing the tears not to flow. "He isn't."