Last love ( A Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 10 ~ here we go again

"The day you stormed out of the hotel, I was scared" I took a look at her closed eyes, so peacefully. "I feel guilty for saying that you had something with Niall" if I told her that I loved her, instead of getting all jealous, she would be here with us.

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Chapter 10
Farrah's p.o.v.
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I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw a depressed girl with a smile on her face, insecurity, shame, stress it was all written over her face. "I'm such a mess" I whispered to myself. That's what I do, I like to face the facts about myself. But of course, I am depressed, stressed, I don't trust anyone, or anything, I'm insecure, I like to starve myself, I'm sick 24/7, feel pain with every move I make, need to take all kinds of drugs, and none of them works! I want to be like Niall, he's so carefree, I want to be carefree. The thoughts of people yelling at me crosses my mind almost every second, I'm always doing something wrong and everyone likes to tell me that a couple times a day. I hate being me right now, this whole tour was supposed to make me relax a bit, but I've got more and more tense since I'm with the boys. I didn't realise that the tears stared to flow down my cheeks, I quickly brushed them away with the back of my hand before changing my cloths. This are one of those days when I change cloths 6 times a day. I don't care anymore right now, I just pulled on my black skinny jeans, tank op and grey hoody. I didn't care to much about make up at this moment, I added some eyeliner and mascara before unlocking the bathroom door. Harry was standing at the end of the hallway, he looked up at me and the second he opened his mount to say something I shook my head and walked past him. "Don't even try to talk to me Styles" I said before entering the bedroom, I threw my cloths on my suitcase and took my bag of the ground. I didn't even took a look at him when I walked past him. All the others were already sitting on the sofa in the living room, they looked up at me and only Niall seemed to see that something was wrong. "I'm going for a walk, someone's coming with me?" I asked, I looked at Niall, I begged him with my eyes, he stood up and nodded. I turned on my heels to walk out of our hotel room, I took a glance at Harry who was looking at me with anger in his eyes, I don't care anymore. I walked out of the room with Niall following behind me.

"Do you want some ice cream?" I asked him while we waited for the elevator. He looked down at me with a smile on his face "sure, but I'll pay" his Irish accent filled the hallway, Niall could make me feel better, I'm already feeling better "so what's going on?" He asked, that moment the doors opened and we walked into the elevator. "I don't know, everything" I mumbled while pressing on the button with the zero. I took a quick look in the mirror that was all over the elevator wall, I look like a mess, tired eyes, sad smile, oh god. "Did he do something?" I would never get tired of his voice. I looked up at him, did he mean Harry? I sighed an shook my head. "No, I don't know Niall, it's everything, I'm confused and tired and stresses I don't know anything right now" I said before closing my eyes, I was so tired of my flashbacks, pain and, just everything! He wrapped an arm around my shoulders an sighed just like I did. "So you wanted to just take a break, get away from it?" He said while looking down at me. I kept my eyes on the ground before answering, "I know it's not possible, but is better then my other plan to get away from it" I said quickly and almost like a whisper. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, I think that he knew what I was talking about. "F, you're not thinking about sui-" "I am, Niall, I mean I was, it's a normal question I ask myself when I feel like a pice of trash, what if everything just stopped , no more pain, no more depression, I would finally be done with everything" I interrupted him. His grip on my shoulders got tight and before I knew it he held me in a hug. "Please don't" I heard sadness in his voice, and to be in this position, talking about that subject, it made the tears run out of my eyes. "I will do anything to make you happy, but please, don't leave" his words made me cry even more and I heard him sob either. I wrapped my arms around his torso for a tight hug, I felt his heart beat and somehow it calmed me down. "So could we get that ice cream?" I mumbled against his chest. He looked down at me with puffy eyes, I whipped a tear away from his cheek just quickly enough to see his cute smile. "Of course"