I don't know, I just...

17-2

"No"
"Why?"
"You'll hurt yourself"
"How about that one"
"No"
"That one besides it"
"No"
"The swing?"
"No"
"The slide"
"No"
"Then why did you take me here?"
"You asked me to  take you here. Forgot?"
"Because I thought it would be fun. But now it seems impossible with you being over protective."
"come on. You do realize, if I let you you'll hurt yourself. No way I am taking that chance"
"You sound like I am 5 not 20"
"Well, you are 5 to me" how should I take that.
"That's my dad's dialogue, don't steal from him"
"Actually, i heard him saying that" you see that, he is diverting the topic.
"Don't divert the topic Walter. I want to go to the swing. Now, you let me or I'll go on my own." I threatened, trying my luck.
He stood there like a statue. I got my answer. So I turned around and aimed towards the swings. I pushed the button of my royal cart, he he my wheelchair.
Hey its not moving. Oh my Krishna. What happened.
"Oh my dear horse. What happened to you." I said out loud, looking down at its wheels.
"You call it a horse?" A loud Walter made me turn and look at him only to see he is the one who is holding my horse still.
I glared at him.
"I almost thought my horse got ill. I was scared"
"Horse? And you are what ? A knight?" Pure mocking. Its injurious to your health. But I liked his idea though. Me as a knight. Wow it'd be awesome. A long sword in my hand, fighting all the bad guys.
Dishyoom! Dishyoom! Bam! Dishyoom!
A loud laughter disturbed me.
'This guy should learn his lesson.'
"You're imagining yourself as a knight. Aren't youuuuh" he again fell into fits of laughter clutching his stomach.
I took that chance and tried to escape.
"Not so fast maam" shit, i thought he will be busy laughing.
Sighing i crossed my arms.
"You look cute when you try to be angry" oh that caught me off guard. What should I say when someone says I am cute.
Am i blushing now. Oh god please don't. He will mock me forever.
Stay strong priya. strong.
I didn't talk. Still angry.
"Oh come on, not the silent treatment " he said. I can imagine him sighing.
Thats it. Silent treatment. He will definitely say yes. Yes yes yes. You are genius priya.
I stayed silent for the next 15 minutes. He tried so hard to make me talk but i just pointed at the swings.
"OKAY ! you win" he said and I am happy dancing inside.
"Really" i turned so fast but he stopped me and made me turn slow.
"I have some rules."
"Ruuules? They are not good. If there are rules, you can't enjoy"
"With rules or None at all" flat. See that girl.
"Oookaaaay" i dragged the word.
"Good. Now
Rule 1, only swing and i push you.
Rule 2, no waving your hands and legs. It'll hurt you.
Rule 3, no jumping out of swing suddenly.
Now, which one you want."
"I GET TO CHOOSE?" I asked shockingly.
He chuckled.
"Of course drama queen, you can"
"That one" I pointed to the one.
"Now now, what did I say about throwing hands like that."
"But how can you know if if I don't point" I whined.
"That too" he mumbled under his breath, but I heard him.
He helped me to sit in the swing. And started pushing.
"Little high please" I asked.
"No" okay then I can live with it.

Its in times like this i get so confused. Why am I feeling so happy. Why can't that heavy happy feeling just below my throat disappears. And why can't i stop laughing like a mad person. And how do I know the person behind me is smiling as well. Its  creepy you know, to know what he is doing even without looking back. Something is really wrong with me.
When the little girl left the swing beside mine i asked wall to take that.
"No no it is for kids. I will break it"
"Just shut up and sit down" i ordered. Don't ask me how I got that confidence. Sometimes he is too good for his own good.
But he didn't say anymore and sat on the swing. I smiled at my victory.
Suddenly his hand came to my side almost killing me out of surprise. He held on to the swing metallic chain and started rocking my swing.
'Oh that was it. I was scared to death'
Wait, why am i scared? Its not like he will hurt me. I trust him blindly. Then why did i got scared? Why my heart is feeling like it just had a heart attack.
Contrary to his normal self he didn't notice my little scared episode. He is looking forward into the horizon. Deep in thought. I looked at him trying to figure what he is thinking about.
"Why are you scared of giant wheels?" He suddenly asked out of blue, now looking at me.
So he was thinking that. Why that. Of all things, why's that. Why something that tells how vulnerable i am. Why something that reminds how pathetic i am. Why something that declares how selfish i am. Why?
A big lump is formed in my throat, making it unable to talk, Not that i want to. My swing came to halt. Now it is impossible to avoid it. I want to run away from all these questions that are burning me. But there is no escape from self, is there?  I am no longer the happy self 10 minutes ago, not even close.
I couldn't look up. My eyes are fixated on my still bandaged hands. They are shaking, i noticed through my teary eyes.
"Priya" his concern filled voice called my name. Slightly making me jump at that.
"Hmm" i replied. I can't find my voice.
"I am sorry. You don't have to answer that. Please stop crying" why does his voice sound so sad.
He asked something and its my first time hearing him ask something. To top it off, I even made him feel bad  for asking.
If I am ever telling this to someone, it better be him a pure soul.
"Siri" I whispered
"Huh?"
"Siri, she is the reason I am so scared of them. We were best friends. She was my first best friend. And and I.. la.. lost her." I cried into my palms.
"We were 8 and went to a fair. She's so daring even at that age and loved adventures. She insisted on riding a giant wheel just the two of us, without our parents. And we did. But fate is so cruel. When we are on the top of its height, she lost balance and fell"
"Priya you don't ha--"
"No I need to, you have to know how pathetic i am. How blind I am"
"It's not your fault she is hurt"
"She is not just hurt Walter, she is dead. And ha...he...her mom....." I can bear it any more. No, I have to tell the truth. I shut my eyes tight.
"Her mom never lived after that. They lived near my grand parents house then. She never came out of house after that. Never smiled. Never been happy. Never Saw something that worth living for. But whenever I went to her she seemed happy to see me. I would have understood that and stayed with her. Tell her that there is still life to live for. Tell her that she is not alone. Tell her that I cared for her. Tell her not to stop living. If I was not such an idiot and tell her all the things, she would have been alive today. She would not have lost her hopes of being happy. But I didn't do any of the things I should have done. I just stood there like a statue when she is crying for her loss for three Painfully long years. Three years of continuous grieving and sleepless nights. Can you imagine how hurtful that can be. Can you? But I didn't I was so blunt to see all the things she went through. So dumb. So pathetic. But one day she found her relief, from all the things that hurt her and went to the one she loved so much"
There is nothing that can stop the pain and there will never be.
"She died?" he asked. My eyes are still closed.
"No, she killed herself "
"Leaving all the grieving  to the pathetic one who deserve it. One who don't know how to comfort people when they needed it.
She needed comfort and love Walter and I was unable to give it, and she died. Its me, who killed her. Not her. I failed my friend. It was my responsibility to take care if her mom after her. But I didn't fulfil it. I am so pathetic. So so pathetic. Soh pathetic."
I cried and cried so hard so long.
After a very long time I am cooled off. I couldn't bring out tears even if I want to. I felt something moved in front of me.
I opened my eyes to see Walter knelt there right in the sand. I rubbed my eyes and wiped the tears away.
"You can be anything but bad and pathetic."
"Huh?"
"I don't understand why you think you made her feel alone but you were just 11 then. You don't even know half the words you know now. I know what guilt  feels like but it never helps. You are the purest soul I have ever seen so don't try to taint it. If you know what to do then you would have. No matter how hard it is. Trust me priya, death is something that you can never control. I can't believe you went through all of this. Someone like you are not made for this. You are not meant to be hurt. Not meant to suffer. You are too delicate for all of those. Its not fair on the world. You have the greatest ability to make people around you happy without even knowing it. You are meant for that , to share happiness. Not enduring sorrow. You are so precious,. So please don't be sad. Ever."
"You don't think I am bad?"I can't be more surprised. Here I said how pathetic i am and he is saying I am precious.
"No no no, not even close. Far far far away from that. If I say I hurt someone when I was little and still feeling guilty saying I am bad. Would you let me do that?"
"No, but you were little" I tried to make a point.
"Exactly, you were just a little girl back then. Even if you say all the things that you want to now, you can't be sure she would be alive today. Love is a hard thing priya. It's hard when they are around and it's pathetic when they are not. Before that love, life seems too easy to give up. I don't think both of them would be proud to see you sad. Remember priya, they loved each other. She chose to follow her. And its not a decision taken in haste. She took three years to think and she made her decision. I know it sounds pathetic but I am sure that decision made her happy."
Is it true? That she was happy to do that. Was it so hard to live for her? Is it for our sake that all the years she tried to live? Does all this even makes sense. Are they happy? Are they together now? Did she found her? If she did, there is nothing better to hope for. I really wish they are together now. After all that's all they ever wanted.
"Do you think they are together now?" Hope over whelming in me?
"If only my thinking matters. Yes I  really think they are together now." He said with a smile. And that's all I ever wanted to listen.
"Thank you so much" this time my eyes are filled with happy tears.
"Now now, I don't like tears coming from your eyes. Care to wipe them?" He asked dramatically. A giggle escaped from me. Oh how this day turned out.
"Good . Now I have something to bribe you. But you have to promise me one thing"
"What  are they both?" I asked.
"Well the first one iiiiiiisssssssss........" he dragged the words and reached for his pockets. He took something out of it still hiding it in his palms.
"THIS" he opened his palms and showed me the love of my life. Oh my god. How did he got it. I forgot to get them from home. The ones I have brought first time came here didn't even last 15 days.
"How did you get it?" I asked eyes wide as a watermelon. The idiotic smile is back in its place on my place.
"I saw you obsessed with them in karthik's marriage. So when my friend coming from there yesterday I happened to ask him. So that's how."
"Thanks" I tried to quickly snatch it from him but he is quicker than me. Search. I want it. I can fight all the world for it. After all I live it.
"What did I say about throwing hands like that? Huh?" Isn't it like the third time he said that in the last few hours.
I rolled my eyes at him.
"What do I have to do" I asked dismissively.
"Wow what a charming person you are" sarcasm isn't it.
"Thank you" I said like I won a million hello kitty stickers. Yeah they are precious than a million dollars.
He laughed shaking his head, May be at my stupidity. Oh my charms people.
"Ok now serious. Promise me, you will never say or think that you are bad and pathetic."
I am dumb struck at it. Is it what he wanted. How much he cares. A warm feeling spread in my heart at his kind heart.
"I promise" I said nodding happily. He stretched his hand and I took the local made chocolate back at my place. This is the best chocolate ever. I watched it with so much happiness. My dad always made sure I have these all the time.
I could go on thinking happily but clapping sound made me come out of my train of thoughts. I looked up to see people, well they are far from us, clapping happily to us. Wait, why? Some of them are congratulating is. But why? I looked at Walter, he is as confused as I am. He then looked at me and at my hands and at his knees. I doing know want it is but he hit some realization. He sighed, a smile playing on his face. Hey. I still don't get it. He then slowly made me sit on my horse and started pushing it.
"What happened" I asked but he mumbled 'nothing'. I looked at the people now who are close to us as we walked out.
"You are lucky" a muddle aged woman told me in the process.
'CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHATS GOING ON?'
After want it felt like a day we reached his car. He is still smiling, shaking his head sometimes.
"What happened. Please tell me"
"You still didn't guess?" He asked amused. I nodded a no.
"They think I proposed to you"
Oh that. Wait, WHAT?
"What...wa.... what? No ....no .. why?"
" well, I did knelt down and took something out of my pocket, which you took happily nodding a big happy yes. So.."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What just happened. Why am I feeling heat on my cheeks. No no no not happening. This is so out of my style. Something twists in mg stomach and my toes curling. Wait, what is this.
I feel so embarrassed. Why did they thought he is proposing, why didn't they see what he was actually giving.
I didn't talk at all through out the drive back home. Glad he did not ask why. I am so embarrassed. I felt uneasy when he helped me out if the car. I went straight into my room. Never talked to him for the day. When he left, reez couldn't leave me alone about what happened. She claims something too big has to happen for me to stop talking.
When its unable to bear her anymore, o told her.
"WHAT? LIKE AS IN MARRIAGE PROPOSAL."
"Why are you shouting its not like you" i mumbled to her.
"WHY ARE YOU NOT SHOUTING? ITS SO BIG. OH, IMAGINE HIM PROPOSING TO YOU. WOW IT WOULD BE A GREAT SIGHT."
If it is stupid of her to say that, then want would you call me for imagining it. I felt something like pearcing my heart. What can that be? Dunno.
"No no no no, don't even go there. I am sleeping now" with that I shut my face with the bedsheets. Still couldn't take of that creepy smile and scary feeling in my heart.
I signed.
'If only he really did'
No no no no no no. No priya no. Very bad. Very bad of you.

'What a day'