Teaching Academy - Boot Camp (ON HOLD)

Chapter 5 - You Don't Know You're Beautiful

Song on Sean's iPod – What Makes You Beautiful – One Direction

Owen pulled away from me slightly; just enough that I could properly see Sean and Kota who had scooted closer to me. By the time we finished arranging ourselves, we were all sitting indian style with our knees touching. I had Sean to my left, Kota to my right, and Owen directly across from me. Sean and Kota had each taken one of my hands to hold before anyone even spoke. "Ok Pookie, out with it. What are you conditions?"

They looked nervous. Like I was going to ask for the moon and they would have to find a way to rob NASA of its stash of moon rock. "Relax. All of you. It's not that bad." They all sighed in relief but I noticed their shoulders didn't relax. They want this as much as you do.

"One: We made decisions as a family. Not on little mundane stuff, but the big stuff we talk about and make a decision as a family."

Owen motioned for me to continue, "Two: No more running off to defend my honor without me at least knowing about it. You don't have to save me. Just help me save myself."

Ok, here goes the hard part. "Three: I can't pick between you." Sean just squeezed my hand knowing this was part of our conversation from yesterday after we kissed, but Owen and Kota looked confused. "Let me explain. I've had one "boyfriend" in my life. We dated in medical school and it was far more about understanding what the other students were talking about than it was about actual feelings." Kota squeezed my hand in a gesture to continue. "I'm new to this whole relationship thing and I find myself with a group of guys who are..."

"Are what, Sang?" Owen asked when I didn't continue. "Sang," he moved to kneel so that he could get closer and when he used two fingers to lift my chin to meet his eyes, I knew. I knew that he wanted me to trust them to listen, to understand, to love me no matter what. "Are what, Sang?"

"Who are each running away with a piece of my heart and not in that sibling love type of way."

"Thank you for trusting us, Sang. Are there any other conditions?" I shook my head no. "Good, Sean and Kota do you have anything to say?"

"Pookie, I know we talked about this yesterday, but let me be clear. I meant it when I said that I heard those giggles and I was a goner. I meant it when I said that I knew you were conflicted about all of us. And I sure as hell meant it when I said that I was ok with you kissing the others as long as you came back to kiss me. But I want to go one step further, I mean it now when I say that I'm fine with sharing your love in any way you choose to share it, as long as it is with our family."

"But what if our family expands?"

"Then we vote on that. Knowing that person is also going to get a piece of your heart. Remember, we talk about and vote on the big stuff." I nodded at him, tears threatening to spill down my eyes.

"Sweetie," Kota began, "you have such a big heart. Look at what you did for Gabriel. He's insecure but you let him play dress-up with you. You could see on your face that you were worried about what it would cost you at that boutique, but you were determined to buy something. Was that for you?" I shook my head no. "No, that was for Gabriel. With Victor you made sure that we didn't exclude him from our dinner plans. You did that because you knew it would be important to him. With me you have never once made me feel like I am the science nerd with zero friends that I was back in DC. So if you are willing to share your big heart, I'm willing to lock my piece up and throw away the key because you are never getting it back." The tears were falling in earnest now; silent traitors to the emotions I was trying to hold in check.

"Sang," Owen began as he took out another perfectly folded handkerchief and dabbed at my eyes, "you know that I didn't find my family last year. Being left behind made me feel like there was something wrong with me; as if everyone could see I was broken by my father and wasn't worth the effort to put back together. You've always made me worth the effort. From telling me that I had someone to share my past with, to even insisting that I get over my formality and call you Sang. You've seen me, Owen. Not Dr. Blackbourne. So, I'm thrilled with the piece of your heart that I've gotten and just want to cherish it forever. Anything else to say, gentlemen?" Kota and Sean shook their heads no. "Then we should vote." Owen went on to explain that the Academy has a formal way of voting used for "the big stuff". As we went around the circle and made our family official, I couldn't have been happier than I was when I got to say "I am willing and I will obey."

We stayed by the lake for a little while longer, learning about each other, talking about our meditation prompts. I laughed when one of the questions Kota needed answers to write now was "What is my nickname from Sang?" Thankfully he took his Dr. Einstein nickname with pride. "I can live with that." When he asked about Sean and Owen's names the laughter freely flowed. Sean asked me if he could revise who he was allowed to flirt with.

"Why?"

"Well, how else am I going to get the little old ladies and brave child princess to agree with me?" I giggle at the thought of Sean flirting with grandmas and toddlers, and accepted his proposed changes to the flirting rule.

It was nearing time to start prepping dinner and Owen asked for a private word. Sean and Kota made their way back to camp after they each gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me how happy they were with our family.

"What's on your mind, Owen?" He gave me that millimeter smile and he took my hand and led us toward the far end of the lake.

"That's usually my line." A joke? From Dr. M&M? Miracles do exist! "Sang, I wanted to make sure you were ok. We've gone over a lot of heavy material and are bringing up unpleasant memories. Our brains process emotions and pain differently and it can manifest itself in nightmares or physiological ways; stomach aches, head ached, etcetera. So, how are you holding up?"

"So far, I'm ok. I had nightmares as a child but they have not resurfaced since I've been here."

"That is excellent news, Sang. However, I would not be surprised if the nightmares did return on occasion. Will you come to me if this happens?"

"Yes, Owen." I made sure to look him in the eye so that he knew I was serious.

"Excellent, now one other thing to discuss." I turned slightly and raised an eyebrow to him. "Sean kissed you in front of me." Ah, yes... that. "I didn't mind seeing that." Well, that's a relief. "However, it did make me want to do this." His lips found mine the kiss was chaste, but somehow full of passion. It was everything like I expected a kiss from Owen to be; straddling a fine line between formality and unbridled passion. One of these days I'm going to break through that candy shell. We stayed there on the banks of that lake for a few more minutes. The smell of Owen's spring soap and the chrysanthemums that surrounded us overwhelming my senses.

When we arrived back at camp, I wasn't surprised to find a sing-a-long going on. No it was the fact that it was Marc, Rave, Axel, Luke, and Silas doing their best One Direction impression while butchering the fish. The most unfortunate part was that we didn't have a way to record it.

Dinner was delicious I just wish that I had ranch dressing to dip my celery sticks in. Unfortunately, as the only Midwesterner of the group, no one understood my love affair with ranch dressing. I'll convert you all soon enough. After dinner we gathered around the fire for a short while talking amiably with each other. Victor was telling horror stories of finding fans in his hotel room wearing nothing or the girl that tried to impress him by playing Chopsticks on the piano. Dr. Fire Eyes was taking the ribbing of the men in the group well, but something was still making him sad. His eyes were set to embers and not the inferno that I had come to love. I'll have to get him to open up on the hike back.

Soon enough it was time for us all to make our way to bed. The plan was to be up at dawn and back at our cabin by noon. While North, Silas, Luke, Gabriel, Nathan, and Victor looked at me going over towards the tent I was to share with Marc with anger. Owen, Kota, and Sean silently conveyed that they trusted me. It was all I needed to get through the night.

Or so I thought...

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A/N: Those of you on the Facebook group knowthat I wrote this with a fairly high fever. I'll go back as soon as I'm feelingbetter and fix any mistakes. Until then, I'm off to bed. Dr. Sean would beangry if I stayed up too much longer and I really don't want to be grounded.