A Conflicted New Home: Kylo Ren x Reader

Chapter One

The stars don't stop moving for anyone. They continue to grow and move, day after day, year after year. So why does it feel like ground beneath your feet is immobile? We don't feel the planet moving, but at this particular moment it felt as though nothing was moving. Everything stopped growing, everything stopped moving. Your lungs felt suffocated, and you could feel your fingers trembling as you grasped the sheet of paper off your desk.

Moving, you think to yourself. Moving away. You weren't just moving down the street or to another sector of your planet. You were moving systems away from your home. A trembling finger grazed over the official order seal from the chief director of your employer. It wasn't a question as to whether or not you were being relocated, it was a demand.

You could quit, you think to yourself. But who would care for Mama and Papa? They would get along without you, you think. But with no income of their own, there was no way they'd survive.

You had stared at the official order all night, feeling your world crumbling. It had been specially delivered to you this morning, but you couldn't bring yourself to open it until a few hours ago. Why were you the one who to be chosen? Couldn't it have been someone else? Someone with more ... confidence? No, that wasn't the word, you think. You were confident. You were just ... frightened, you reflected.

You will be assigned to Starkiller Base in the galactic west. Your extensive psychiatric knowledge and support is highly desirable to the First Order. They have hand selected you via your credentials to assist them and you will be relocated to the base indefinitely. Your presents is expected within the next three days.

The letter continued on, giving directions as to where you are to go and when. Behind you, the tiny clock on the wall continued to tick loudly in your ears. You were frightened, you reluctantly admitted to yourself. 4 years of residency in a psychiatric hospital taught you many things, but none of them had to do with treating those amongst the the notorious First Order. You had heard of people being captured by Stormtroopers for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time and never being heard from again. The galaxy was afraid of the First Order, that much you knew. So why would anyone willingly go there?

But you had your family to think of. Mama and Papa and your little brother Ollith. They depended on your income more than you did. After Papa had been injured years ago in the Galactic Civil War fighting for the Resistance, there had been no more income to help the family. Your mother wasn't stable enough to find employment and your father was too badly injured to consider going back into the workforce. Ollith was too young.

That left you. You paid for your time at the Academy though odd jobs and worked nights to help with bills at home. You alone were your family's source of income. You learned how to treat mental illnesses and behavioral issues while at the Academy and tried to help your mother return to her feet. But treating family was too much of a difficult task. Mama suffered deeply from depression and anxiety. Once Papa had been injured, she feared she would be left alone and sunk into a depression. Papa turned out for the better, but never returned to his normal self, and neither did she.

Now was your chance to have a better income to send home to them. So they could live comfortably and happily - if their minds allowed it. There was no accepting the position, for it was required of you. But there was accepting it in your mind. Slowly, you stood to your feet and began packing your belongings, quiet not to wake everyone.

You couldn't bear to say goodbye, let alone tell Papa where you were going. You could hear his disapproving voice telling you how much of a disgrace it was for you to be working under the First Order - the ashes of who he fought against. You could only hope that they would all be satisfied with the pay. You thought of what it could buy - a new bed for Mama and Papa, some new toys for Ollith - perhaps even a better house than the shack they lived in now.

Yes, you would accept this offer. You had no other choice. Your anxiety would have to take a backseat for now.

Slowly, your hand scribbled out a letter to Mama and Papa. You thanked them for everything they'd done for you, and told them about where you were going and why. You hoped they would understand.

You grabbed your hastily packed suitcase and turned to look at the kitchen once more. Your lips turned into a small frown and your fingers shook as you stuffed the letter into your coat pocket. Breathing deeply, you shut off the light and left for your journey to Starkiller Base.