Chapter 10 – Hilarity
Drosselmeyer sat alone in the darkness of his void; at a nicely laid out clothed table. He stared down at his crockery set in frustration, his thick eyebrows drawing together as he stared at the small silver cake fork.
He moved it to the left side of the tea cup and then straightened it,"…..no" he moved it back to the right side and straightened it,"…. No, no and still no!" He placed it behind the teacup, "there! Now I can't see you!"
He sat back into his chair and sighed with content. The fork seemed to slink around the side of the tea cup and taunt him with its awkwardness.
Drosselmeyer glared at its inferiority attempting to provoke him, "It's just a fork… it means well…" he picked up his teacup trying to avoid looking at the fork and hesitantly took a sip of his tea. He swallowed it and sighed, "it's just a fork… just a fork…"
The fork seemed to laugh at him; Drosselmeyer slammed down his tea cup, "Why are you laughing! You think I don't like it when you're standing out like this do you! Well, well, well! I think it's perfectly fine that you sit there and mock me like that! Yes! Actually I find it quite enjoyable that you want to play games with me! Drosselmeyer!" He knelt down beside the table and looked right at the fork who stared right back at him.
Drosselmeyer whispered menacingly, "don't you think this is at all funny… actually I think it is foolish," an awkward silence followed as Drosselmeyer and the fork engaged in an intense; yet pointless, stare off. "You like games? Let's play hide and seek!" Drosselmeyer grabbed the fork and threw it far off into the darkness. He burst out into manic laughter.
"Stupid fork! Now you have to hide over there while I count to one million!" He sat down at the table still laughing; he clutched his stomach he was laughing so hard, "oh dearie me! Such, such fun indeed…" he picked up his tea cup and laughed into his reflection absent-mindedly.
Hearing a faint clatter he looked up and found a fork flying in his direction; it pronged his hat and the chair tipped over backwards – spilling the tea all over his chest and face.
A cackle of laughter echoed far off. Drosselmeyer looked up absolutely infuriated and dripping with tea.
His expression dropped when he peered above the table.
"So nice of you to save me a seat sir, it is not often I get invited to sit at tea parties very recently!" Carabosse sat sloppily in the large armchair at the end of the table lightly admiring one of Drosselmeyer's beautifully iced cupcakes, "some would say I am far too rude, isn't that just silly? "he picked the cherry off the top and swallowed it in one gulp.
"Yes…" he frowned. Carabosse sat in his original form: Extremely disproportionate; an odd ratio between his height and weight – very tall and skinny, a skin tone that would make even a ghost afraid, large dark circles surround his eerie yellow and red coloured eyes – they hid below a thick black fringe and accentuated his sharp facial structure.
Drosselmeyer returned to his usual tea drinking position in the chair he had lifted back to its original stance and sat down watchfully of his guest.
"You know what?" Carabosse said between mouthfuls of cake, "I am so glad that I could be here with you today Drossie…. Or is it night?"
"Don't call me that."
"Well, let's pretend it is daytime," he took a large slurp out of the teapot and the continued to eat the cupcake like a filthy animal.
"Why have you come here Carabosse? You know you're presence is never welcome here; never has been and never will be" Drosselmeyer pulled another clean teapot from the inside of his large coat.
"Oh, you know…" he said reaching for another cupcake. A hand slammed down on Carabosse's before he could take the last cupcake. Drosselmeyer had crawled across the table and gripped Carabosse's wrist.
"No. I don't," Drosselmeyer let go of his wrist and looked down at the cupcake tray; he swiped the last cupcake and retreated to his chair, "my cupcake…"
Carabosse rubbed his wrist, "rude!"
"Yes you are…" Drosselmeyer nibbled on his cupcake and dropped the cherry into his tea cup. Carabosse snorted in exasperation and swung his legs around so he was sitting properly on the chair in a more authoritive pose.
"My reason for being here is not because you give away the best darned cupcakes ever…"
"Teehee, I'm so popular"
"HUSH!" Drosselmeyer stuck out his tongue in reply.
"Remember whose tea party this is and I can be rid of you anytime I please?" Carabosse let out a huge sigh and rubbed his fingers against his temples.
"Anyway! I am here to inform you that-"
"You have eighty five per cent access to the story now, Fakir broke the deal and you can do as you please with my characters very much almost and you are in the process of destroying my barrier to the physical story blah blah blah, I know already! Get in with the gossip 'dude'! That is old news to me you fool!" He waved his hand as to mentally brush him off.
Carabosse stood there frozen in perplexion and utter surprise, "you already know?" he yelled in frustration, "how could you already know I - I just accomplished that in the past forty eight hours! How could you possibly know already!" Drosselmeyer winked and tapped his nose. His jaw dropped and he grumbled as he snatched a scone from a plate on the table, "idiotic old man… he really does know everything that goes on here…"
"stop frowning or the wind will change and your face will stay like that boy"
"Will you just shut up already!" he threw the scone at Drosselmeyer and he ducked agilely.
"You won't get a woman if you act like that that's for sure! You really are just a little boy still aren't you Carabosse? Throwing tantrums because you never get your own way! Grow up and man up won't you!" Carabosse stood with his back turned to Drosselmeyer; unable to look at the old man's face any longer, Drosselmeyer chuckled," Ah so much like your mother used to be…"
"My mother was a great woman! She accomplished many things before she died!" Drosselmeyer slammed down his teacup and ran across the table and pointed and yelled at him in the face.
"Your mother was a foul, evil, deceitful, witch! She accomplished nothing more than gaining the hatred of many people who had previously looked upon her as a goddess or angel of some description! She betrayed everyone who loved her even you! How could you possibly look up to her you heathen child!" Carabosse pushed over the chair and stormed off seething with anger, "of course! Just walk away from a challenge! Just like your mother!"
"I will avenge her! If it is the last thing I do! You hear me old man! I promise you that!"
"Bah! Foolish boy! Some things never change!" Carabosse disappeared into the darkness.
Drosselmeyer slunk back into his chair, "damn teenagers give me such a headache! As soon as those hormones kick in… WHAM! A mouthful of insults! Lord preserve us…" he rubbed his eyelids and poured himself another cup of tea, " I mean seriously! Who would ever want to have kids! They start out all cute and innocent and eventually turn into big filthy beasts! You love them, you care for them, you give them your life and whoopee! They throw it all back in your face when you're old and heartbroken..." he looked off into the darkness where Carabosse disappeared, "poor kid. Took a wrong turn somewhere down the bumpy road of life! If only I had written a story about the guy! Bahahah!" he swallowed a large gulp of tea and reclined into the seat more, "I'm so funny…"
A glimmer behind him attracted his attention. He turned around and the fork was lying on the ground.
"Oh. How hilarious…"
