Not Alice

Chapter 7

*Matt's POV* (surprise)

I can't believe I said that. I don't love J. I can't love her. I may have felt a few things when we kissed, but feelings are not my thing. She probably hates me now, and normally I wouldn't care but she's like a book that you can't stop reading.

I don't know how I'm going to approach her now, but maybe I don't have to. Perhaps if I act like last night and this morning didn't happen, everything will go back to normal.

I've known J for a week, I can't have feelings for a girl that I just met. I can't have feelings in general.

I break away from my thoughts and look up from my desk to see J in her room. Her long hair is thrown over her shoulder and her nose is scrunched up from the confusion of whatever she's reading.

My attention is brought to my phone as it lights up from a Tumblr notification.

empty-th0ughts-and-broken-words posted a text post.

"Although my mind is raging in ways I cannot fathom, someone holds the power to silence it. In theory, I'm letting myself get too close again. Once someone has any form of power over you, you become the likes of a cigarette. They keep you around for the high if you will, and use all you have until they get bored of you, or until they finish the cigarette essentially. However, I am a human being and a cigarette is an inanimate object, so to personify the object and to give it the qualities of yourself is probably not a good idea. The girl with feelings was left in my old home and an empty shell took her place. There's no room to let people in now. I refuse to become the cigarette again."

I've followed this blog for almost a year now and the posts are always so relatable. I've never talked to the blogger, I just read her posts and often find myself liking or reblogging them. Whoever she is, we seem to have similar things in common.

I almost messaged her once, but I felt that it would be too weird and talked myself out of it.

I look up from my phone and view a smiling J. She's holding her phone near to her face and whatever she's looking at seems to happily perplex her. I watch her mouth the words "who are you" as she scrolls furiously. I start to feel creepy for watching her so I get up and close my curtain and shut off my lights.

I crawl into the warmth of my bed and long for J's presence, but I quickly snap out of it and shake that thought from my head. Moments later I feel my eyelids get heavy and I allow myself to fall asleep, partially afraid of where my dreams will take me.

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*J's POV*

Tired is just the beginning of how I feel. It's been such a long day and I've spent most of it in my secret get away. It's a nice place to be, but I started to feel lonely so I walked into my house and spent the rest of today in my room.

While I was lying on the hammock and over looking the city, I felt inspired to blog. My blog is completely anonymous and no one but myself knows that it belongs to me. Tumblr is my electronic best friend where I can post what I feel and be surrounded by people who understand.

It took a while to formulate what I wanted to say, so I didn't post it until moments ago. To summarize the post, I talked about the feelings that I shouldn't have for Matt and how I'm letting him in. I also compared myself to a cigarette, which is what I am often treated like. I'm very tired of being the cigarette and I was supposed to leave that J back in California.

As I ponder how relatable my post was, my phone lights up with a tumblr notification.

the-illusi0n-of-reality reblogged your post.