The Improbable Clause of Missing You

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Four

24: Walking home a shadow

"Be honest," Sebastian said, eyes boring into my bowed head as I stared down at my Math homework.

"Yeah?" I asked, deciding to humour him. He'd seemed off his game the entire day, and I reckoned it was the least I could do. Besides, this equation was hard.

"Would you rather just stay friends with someone or have a crush on them and have them know?"

We'd been increasingly close since our 'date', but recently it seemed more of us dancing around once again, on par. I'd thought that maybe we'd be more on the same page, and I suppose we were.

Which was mildly uncomfortable and unsure.

"Crushes are overrated, really." I replied, ignoring the squeeze in my chest.

"I agree! I keep telling my friends that but they keep talking about how I know so many girls and they label me a player. And I tell them that we're just f-r-i-e-n-d-s." He responded enthusiastically.

"The boy can spell. I'm sure the special one you're waiting for will appreciate that." I teased, thoroughly amused. At least our banter was still the same.

That was ignoring the weight of the consideration that I was just another friend to him as it flitted over and heavily on my lungs.

"Aren't you? Waiting for that special someone," he pushed casually, though there was an edge to his tone.

"I don't know, actually. Maybe I've already found him." I said, faux innocently. If he wanted to play this game, so would I.

I didn't want to get hurt. Thoughts of Owen occasionally flashed in my mind, and I... I didn't want to get hurt again.

So if this was what Sebastian wanted, then I would do the same. Once burned, twice shy.

His mouth opened to reply immediately, but he swallowed back the words, instead settling for a thoughtful sound. I'd seen the indecision briefly through the cracks of his composure.

"I don't know if I like anyone right now. Everyone's just a friend to me," he settled for instead, pasting a smirk on.

"Your mum is your mum, and she's part of that everyone," I winked. "Anyway, I'm sure you'll find her soon."

"Actually, I'd rather stay single." He said, eyes clear of the conflict I'd seen earlier.

I fake laughed, but for the sake of whatever this was, I couldn't give up. So I set my eyes, clear of the hurt I was sure had shone through earlier, and determined as ever. "Now, or forever?"

"Now, I suppose." Sebastian sighed, pausing. Clearly, he'd seen the change in my demeanor, and I knew he didn't like this one bit.

Well neither do I, dumbass. But he continued, and I was caught off guard. "Or... together, with you. Since we're both single now."

Mockingly, I blew a kiss. But there was a serious light as he stared at me from across the table. I froze. "I... But, uh, we're kind of more like... I don't know." I hesitated, all confidence lost. Dammit, Sebastian, let me be mad at you.

"I was kidding." He smirked, reaching out to ruffle my hair.

"I didn't get the memo, must've been lost in translation." I said, flustered. Here I was, being obvious as hell, while he was still perfectly unruffled.

His smirk grew wider, obviously pleased with himself that he had managed to get a rise out of me. "That air kiss wasn't lost."

Still flustered, I turned my head back to my paper. "Shut it." I mumbled.

I was an idiot, and he was infuriating. It was kind of humiliating, really, to be so ready and open but so shut out. Yet I wasn't lonely, and we still basked in each other's company. What a contradiction, huh?

Later, he'd insisted on walking me home. It was strangely personal, and, ironically, a little too close to home. Normally, he settled on just walking me to the train station. Although he seemed relatively normal, there was no bite to his wit, and most of his engagement had been inquisitive nothings. Sure, he was smiling, and had offered me the same jumper that I'd returned just a little while ago, but still.

Something still felt... Off.

"Hayley?" He prompted, as we stopped by the streetlamp by the turn of my street.

The way he said my name was like an indulgence, delectable and dangerous. More dangerous to which party, I had yet to discover.

"Sebastian?" I mimicked, cocking my head at him.

"Well, if you're done," I replied, making a move after a few awkward beats of silence. "See you soon?"

His hand shot out quickly to grasp my wrist. "I'm leaving for France tomorrow. A school trip."

"O-Okay," I replied shakily. It was the first I was hearing of it, and the toll of his incoming absence was already beginning.

It was then I realised just how much I liked him, and how much I wanted to tell him. The desire to kept growing and growing, barely contained. But I reminded myself that I didn't really know how much I meant to him.

Abruptly, I was pulled into his embrace roughly, but handled with enough care to feel safe. Relishing in the warmth, I leaned closer, until his chin was resting on my head. I was mildly annoyed that he hadn't told me, and I pulled away to give him a piece of my mind.

But I couldn't get far enough, for his arms were still encircled around my waist, and there was a physical reluctance to move apart.

"I can't believe you just told me," I glared savagely. "Awful. What kind of friend are you?"

"The best kind, considering we're not really friends, are we, Sanders?" He smirked, and my hands found their way to over his chest. His heart was beating faster, I knew it.

Deftly, he caught them in one hand.

My head and heart just skyrocketed and reached dizzying heights.

"So..." I was drawing it out, savouring the way our breaths mingled, our lips just a mere whisper apart.

I heard him take a sharp breath in, before drawing me even closer into his embrace. His arms were snaked around my waist, and as I looked into the never-ending depths of emerald, I knew his resolve was breaking, as was mine. I could feel the masks slowly slipping away, falling into something almost tangibly vulnerable and honest.

I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. It was the least I could do, after all. What I hadn't counted on was his cheek turning, my lips grazing the corner of his. Without meeting his eyes, I let my head fall to his shoulder awkwardly. His hold on me tightened soothingly.

When we pulled apart, I watched as the walls were slowly built up again, the masks and the game. It was then that I began to feel a little bit shaky, my lips tingling. He looked at me, eyes kept clear of emotion.

"Think you'll miss me, Sanders?" The smirk was back, and all I could think of was wiping it off his face with an intimate reconciliation of our lips.

"Miss you? Hah, unlikely. The probability for me to ever miss you is laughable." I managed to get out, focusing on articulating the witty remark that had formed in my mind.

For a moment, there was a flash in his eyes. Almost like a light of understanding, sadness even. It was enough for me to wonder whether he had felt it in that almost-kiss, or when our masks had been slowly chipping away. But then it was gone, and I was unsure if I had seen it at all.

"See ya around then, Hayley. Stay safe." He kissed my forehead, and with that, he was gone, and suddenly I was so overwhelmed that I wasn't sure if I was about to collapse into a shaking mess of tears.