The Life I Never Had

~12~

A few weeks later after SPN marathon.

I stood excitedly next to Ronnie. We're about to film our first scene. I'm very jittery and nervous. Finally it was time.

"You excited because I'm super excited!" Ronnie grinned.

"Totally!" I agreed. We went on set and began.

"We can't afford to think like that Ronnie!" I exclaimed. We then began laughing.

"Who is Ronnie?" Ronnie asked jokingly everyone laughed and I pushed her. The director called his calls or whatever and we started again. It was a lot of fun with not that many bloopers... That was until the guys came on.

"We're- what the hell are you doing?" I asked. Misha was not in the sight of the camera and throwing things at us.

"Language." Jared scolding. We all laughed.

Another instance is when it came the time for Ronnie and I to tell the guys who we were, right before the episode was wrapped up.

I looked over at Ronnie and back up at the guys.

"We're your daughters." I said. And then they started to scream. Really loud girly screams like the Yellow Fever episode of Supernatural with Dean and the cat. I rolled my eyes and Ronnie and I laughed as they screamed.

"Are you done yet?" I asked. The finally stopped and nodded laughing.

"We have to redo the whole thing now don't we?" I asked looking over. Bobby nodded and we went again.

~~~

"I'm exhausted." I whined walking into the hotel with Jared. He chuckled.

"That's gonna be your new life." He said.

"I'm only exhausted because you and Jensen make it exhausting." I complained.

"Not me? Yes!" Misha exclaimed.

"You know you love us." Jensen said.

"No I don't." I said sticking my tongue out. Then Jensen and Jared stopped and out hands on their heart mocking hurt.

"She doesn't love us." Jensen said.

"That's so mean." Jared said wiping away a fake tear.

"I'm done." I said rolling my eyes and walking away from them. They laughed from behind me and followed. Gosh, they're such idiots, I do love them though. Even Jared. Yup. I said it. Screw you all. I forgive him. I haven't told him yet though... I'll do that later. When the other guys aren't around.

~~~

"Because Ronnie he's your co-worker and he's married." I laughed into the phone.

"So? I can still be attracted to him! It was perfectly fine before we started working together now anyone I tell would probably tell me that was weird.

"Ronnie, Jensen's way too old for you."

"That doesn't change the fact that he's hot. I never said I want to get with him, I just said I find him really attractive."

"Okay, do you really want to go into work everyday and sit next to and talk to and work with someone you find attractive who is married and has a child? The same guy who plays your father."

"Well, I mean no, but what am I supposed to do? I can't change the fact that Jensen is a sexy beast."

I busted out into a fit of laughter at her choice of words. I could just see Jensen's arrogant smirk when she said it too. Wow. Let me just wipe away the legit tears from my laughter.

"Are you done yet?" Ronnie asked in a jokingly annoyed tone.

"First off, I wouldn't say things like that because imagine the embarrassment you would feel if her heard that. Second, you are so fucking beautiful you can get any guy your age and single with a snap of your fingers so go for it. Get a boyfriend and be attracted to him."

"Zoey, you make me out to be way more then I am."

"Ronnie, what's the most attractive thing about Jensen?"

"His eyes."

"You mean the eyes that you have! You totally have his eyes! Guys would swoon at the sight of you and would long to stare into your eyes for hours."

"Well go write a song about it then Miss Taylor Swift because I don't believe you." she said. I rolled my eyes. There was a knock on my door.

"Ronnie I gotta go, I'll talk to you later I said.

"Kk. Ttyl!" she said laughing. I groaned at her text talk and hung up. I opened the door and a giant stood before me. Oh wait, false alarm it's just Jared.

"Sup, sasquatch." I smirked. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm gonna hit the hay. You good?" He asked. I nodded.

"Okay then." He said awkwardly and turned to go into his room.

"Jared wait." I said. He turned and looked at me concerned.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"I forgive you." I said. He looked stunned and taken back. Once he got over the shock his smiled.

"Thank you." He said.

"I'm sorry it took so long and I was such a bitch when we first met." I said.

"Okay, 1. Watch your mouth. 2 it's okay I understand." He said. I didn't answer I just walked over and hugged him. A heartfelt, real hug. He hugged me back and it was warm. His body was firm and he smelt like a mix of a little bit of cologne and leather. I don't know what it feels like to hug someone you define as your dad but I think this is it.

"I love you dad." I said simply. There it was. Simple. No dying had to happen no big huge thing had to come up. I, by myself, decided he earned the title from me. He is my dad and he made one simple mistake because he was seventeen and didn't know what else to do, it was stupid, selfish, and childish, but he recognized and was truly sorry for it and he wanted into my life. So I'm going to let my walls down enough to peak over and try to trust him. Not completely. No one can ever know about my blades and depression but I will trust him with other things.

"I love you too, Zo." He said, I could here the huge grin as he said those words and it made me smile too. This could work.