The Bucket List >> Sabriel ✔️

20: Create A Flamethrower

Charlie said nothing; only gave the boys a cunning smirk.

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"You can crash with us for like, a few months." Gabe suggested to Charlie as they arrived at a new hotel after taking their car and things from their old one.

"Are you guys going out of Canada anytime soon? 'Cause I sorta need to leave ..." She said anxiously.

"Yeah, we're leaving tomorrow to go drive a motorbike off a cliff, wanna join?" Gabe giggled.

"Hell yeah!" Charlie enthused, high-fiving the immature boy.

Sam and Kevin exchanged a glance. "Psychopaths, both of them." Kevin whispered to Sam, who nodded in agreement.

"Right, well, imma take a shower ..." Gabe slid awkwardly out of the room. Charlie and Kevin dispersed to their own rooms, and Sam shuffled to his room, the one beside the bathroom. He stopped in his tracks as he heard a muffled sob from the next room.

"Gabe ...?" Sam knocked hesitantly on the door. There was no answer. Sam paused, not wanting to just barge on in, but Gabe needs me, so he did it anyway.

He looked around the bathroom, confused. Gabe was nowhere in sight. Another muffled sob followed by a tiny whimper drew him to the corner, where his boyfriend was huddled, next to the cabinet, where his boyfriend was clutching a razor -

"Gabe!" Sam gasped, diving forward and snatching the razor out of Gabe's hands, thrusting it into his own pocket. The boy was shaking, and Sam drew the small trickster into his arms. He drew a sharp intake of breath when he saw blood trickling down Gabe's hands.

"Gabe, oh my God, Gabe ..." Sam flustered, reaching up and snatching a damp cloth from the sink. He gently mopped up the blood and wiped the cuts on Gabe's wrists, all the while holding Gabe close and listening to his shaky breath and frequent whimpers.

"Why?" Sam whispered, twisting his body to reach the cabinet, snatching out bandages and antiseptic wipes. "Why did you do this, Gabe? And why didn't you tell me?"

He gently dabbed the cuts with the antiseptic, and Gabe squeaked in pain, burying his face into Sam's chest. "Damn, I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry, I have to do this ..."

He finally finished, and he carefully wrapped Gabe's wrists in soft bandages, rocking the small boy back and forth in his arms. Tears were clouding Sam's vision, thoughts were whirling around in his mind, why would he do this to himself ...

"It ... it hurts ..." Gabe whimpered, tears soaking Sam's shirt. Sam blinked, a tear dripping out of his eye, and he lifted Gabe's wrists, gently kissing each bandage.

"There. All better." Sam held Gabe closer, resting his head on top of his boyfriend's.

It took a few minutes for Gabe to speak up. "I've been doing this for ages. I just didn't wanna tell you. I couldn't tell you, I just couldn't bear you to think that I'm weak and pathetic -"

"Gabe, you're not weak or pathetic. You are the strongest person I know ..." Sam rubbed circles onto Gabe's back, cradling him like a baby.

"I didn't get hurt today. It's a shame ..." Gabe sighed. "I was hoping to. I only like danger for two reasons; one, the adrenaline makes me feel good, and two, there's a very high chance I'll get hurt. And pain makes me feel even better than adrenaline ..."

"Gabe, please ..." Sam's voice cracked, and he buried his face in Gabe's hair, squeezing his eyes shut as his body wracked with sobs.

"They put me in a small space today." Gabe was shaking. "The kidnappers. I woke up before you and Kevin, and they were still in the same room as us, and I was being sarcastic as usual and they didn't like that apparently ... they locked me in this cupboard, if you can even call it a cupboard, it was that tiny. They only kept me there for about ten minutes but it freaked me the hell out ... My dad used to lock me in the cupboard under the stairs when I was little -"

"Did ... did your dad ... abuse you?" Sam asked hesitantly.

Gabe nodded, clutching Sam tighter. "He would do things other than that as well ... He would hit me, take his anger out on me ... over and over again, he just wouldn't stop, not even when I begged him to ..."

Sam shuddered, images flashing through his mind of a younger, smaller, and more defenceless Gabe being thrown around like a rag doll and being used as a punching bag, all the while screaming for his dad to stop it and crying out for help.

"Sometimes I just wish I was never born. That I could just go back in time and prevent my parents from ever conceiving me. It would fix so many problems ..." Gabe cried like a lost kitten into Sam.

"No. Don't you ever say that." Sam protested, tilting Gabe's face up to look at him. His eyes were shining with tears and pain, a dark depression consuming the little hope left in that golden-brown. "You wish you were never born? Just think of everything you've done. Remember the fourth thing on the bucket list? That one night when we all went out and pranked that guy ... Remember that kid you helped take down his bully at the school? Remember the snowball fight? That last day out with all of our friends? You would never have done all that if you weren't alive. There are people here who love you, Gabe, and people who would be lost without you."

Gabe gazed into Sam's eyes, a small smile wobbling its way onto his tear-stained face. "You are the best person in existence, Sammy."