Put Up Or Shut Up

Lullabies

(spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words. Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention; throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.)

Matt let go of me and I fell to the floor with grief, screaming at what had happened to Alex. It was all my fault that this had happened. I could feel every pair of eyes on me at that moment, even the guys that had helped Cory looked at me with pity and sadness as the police took them all down to the station. Cory slowly got up, staggering over to the police before looking back at me and grinning. Anger filled me at that moment, and before I knew it I had gotten up and was running towards him with intention of killing him, the only thing that stopped me was Grieco and Matt's grip holding me back from doing something I was likely to regret.

Matt and Grieco took me over to the other ambulance where I was told to sit inside so they could take me to the hospital to get checked over, both of the guys getting in and sitting with me as the doors were closed. "Wait!" I heard a voice shout, before Kara appeared and got in, sitting opposite us trying to catch her breath. Matt took my right hand in his squeezing it tightly as Grieco took my left doing the same. I tried to cry, but nothing came out, I had cried so much in the last hour and my throat hurt from all the screaming so I just sat there staring into space. Kara put her hands on my knees, getting my attention and said "Alex is strong, you'll be able to see him soon. You were brave doing what you did back there, I don't know what I would have done..." She trailed off, realising it was maybe too soon to say anything about it. I nodded and rested my head on Grieco's shoulder as I didn't want to mess up Matt's shirt anymore than it was already with my bloody face.

The ride to Saint Agnes Hospital was long, or atleast felt that way. All I could think about was Alex, hoping he was going to be alright and that I really wanted to see him and just be with him when he woke up, but what if he didn't? If Alex died, it would be all my fault for coming here to Baltimore and falling in love with him. Maybe if I'd have stayed away from socializing, or just let the guys go to the party without me we wouldn't be in this mess, God, what was I going to tell his parents? I had a flashback to the night in the hotel with Isobel, when she was crying and telling me she didn't want her son to get hurt, but now he was unconscious and on his way to hospital, and I couldn't do anything to help him or make him better. If anything happened...I couldn't forgive myself. Everything was my fault, he didn't deserve this, none of the guys deserved this.

We got to the hospital and I was put in a wheelchair and taken to a private cubicle without Kara and Matt while they were checked out and gave statements to the police and called all our parents. I sat on the hard hospital bed while the nurse cleaned out and bandaged all my cuts, wincing at the pain as I got stitches in my upper thigh and right arm when I was thrown against the side of Sofia's house. They asked me to take off the dress I was wearing so they could see if I had any injuries underneath, and they found a few bruises and told me I had two cracked ribs I needed to keep an eye on and gave me some clean clothes to put on, which was a pair of grey sweatpants and an oversized tshirt. Mom came rushing in as the nurse finished cleaning the cuts on my face from when I'd fallen into the ornament on the lawn, tears rolling down her face as she saw my bandages, cuts and bruises. She hugged me softly so she didn't undo any of the stitches and whispered "My baby...thank god you're okay..." I started to cry again, asking her if she knew anything about Alex and she just shook her head, saying he was in surgery but he should be out soon and she would take me to him as soon as possible.

She told me everyone's parent's had arrived and ran to their kids, all but Mom, Isobel and Peter because we were the worst off. Mom told me how Isobel broke down when the doctors told her about Alex, and even Peter began to cry. They were in disbelief that their son was critically injured and in surgery, and I knew they wouldn't be able to handle it if he died, they'd already been through a lot with Tom. After I was all cleaned up, an officer came to get my statement, and I told him each detail I could remember about the night, or atleast as much as I could because my voice was hoarse and I broke down and couldn't get anything more out. The officer nodded and left, then the nurse gave Mom and I instructions on how to keep my 'wounds' sanitary and reduce the chance of the stitches opening.