After New Year's: A Gintama Fanfic

Chapter 1: Bums with Perms Don't Deserve Anything

Gintoki groaned as he struggled to open his eyes. His head was aching with pain from a hangover, and the loud noise was not helping. Everyone came over to Otose's Snack Bar for a New Year's Eve party, and many remained until the next day. It was a new year, and the first thing Gintoki saw was a pair of glasses. Wait, glasses?

"GIN- SANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sarutobi quickly grabbed Gintoki and held him in a warm embrace on the couch he was lying on. [Gintoki: A WARM EMBRACE? I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE FROM HER SQUEEZING MY SOUL OUT!! Author: Calm down, Gintoki, you're still alive, aren't you?]

"Oh, Gin-san, you look so peaceful when you sleep. I was watching you all night, and I never got bored. You're so adorable when you drool too. And-"

"Saru... tobi... let... go... of... me..." Gintoki muttered in between short breaths that took up all the oxygen left in his lungs.

His face was turning red, then purple from lack of oxygen, and his toes were going numb from lack of circulation. After seeing Gintoki's face, Sarutobi finally let go of him and snuggled up against him.

"AWW, you're blushing because of me," she said, starting to blush herself.

"MY FACE TURNED RED BECAUSE YOU WERE SQUEEZING ME SO TIGHTLY!" Gintoki exclaimed, shoving Sarutobi off the coach.

He sat up as she landed on the ground with a thud. 

"Gin-san, why are you so mean to me," Sarutobi asked, looking up at him with teary eyes.

Before he could answer, Sarutobi answered the question herself.

"Oh, I see. You're just playing hard the get," Sarutobi said, raising her eyebrows.

"I'll consider being your boyfriend if you go buy me a parfait and the new volume of Jump," Gintoki told her. [Author: Wooow, lying and using her like that. You're low, Gintoki. Gintoki: HEY! Why don't you try dealing with a clingy stalker? Author: At least you have someone who likes you :( Forever Alone...]

"REALLY? One parfait and Jump volume will be given to you faster than my heart beats for you, Gin-san!" Sarutobi promised him before dashing out the door.

Thank God. She's finally gone, Gintoki thought.

As he looked around the room, he chuckled to see all of his idiotic friends together, acting like their usual selves.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Otae asked Kondo as she was stumping on his face, fire blaring in her eyes.

"I-was-act-u-al-ly-in-vi-ted-this-time," Kondo responded in between kicks. 

His face was covered in bumps and bruises, and tears were streaming down his face.

"SADIST, GIVE ME BACK MY SUKONBU!!!!!!" Kagura screamed, flailing her arms as she tried to reach the sukunbu in Okita's hand.

"Make me, China," he challenged, sticking out his tongue while holding her face away with his other hand.

"WHAT KIND OF POLICE MAN STEALS, HUH?" Otose screamed at Hijikata as she caught him trying to steal cigarettes.

Yamazaki kept taking nervous glances over to Tama while Catherine was disgustingly trying to act cute towards some of the Shinsengumi members. Saraharu of course just had to pee on Shinpachi's face. [Shinpachi: OOOIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! WHY DOES ALL THIS BAD STUFF HAPPEN TO ME? Author: Because you're Shinpachi, obviously. Shinpachi: WHAT? THAT"S NOT A VALID REASON!!! Author: Yeah it is.]