Rise and Fall [[BEING MOVED TO ANOTHER ACCOUNT]]

Chapter Nine

Nine

                    "How was it?"

                    I'm lying in bed. Staring at the ceiling. As Tallan speaks, I start.

                    "Wh-what?"

                    Tallan laughs, and rolls onto his back. Hands behind his head. "I know you kissed her. Or, she kissed you. Or whatever."

                    "I don't know what you're-"

                    "Really Alek?" Tallan asks, and rolls onto his side again. Propping his head up with a fist and grinning at me. "I can see your face. You have this big stupid smile, and-"

                    "Shut up," I say, and throw my pillow at him. Tallan grins.

                    "How was it?" he asks again.

                    I smile. Slowly. Savoring the memory.

                    “Great.”

~*~

                    Dinner is uneventful. Pasta. Just like every night. But I can tell that, tonight, there's been a change. The faces of the others -now my friends- are flushed. I watch Stefan and Tallan roar with laughter at a joke unheard to my ears. I see Adelaide engaging Jacie in whispered conversation as they each throw glances at a certain boy across the table. I see Victor tuck a lock of Raelyn's hair behind her ear, and from the loving intensity of their gazes, I know they want nothing more than to be alone. Finally, I watch Sasha in my peripheral.

                    She's watching me, too. Openly. Unashamed. I blush, though I'm not leering, and I see her smile blur out of the corner of my eye.

                    My thoughts travel back to the kiss, and my mind starts whirling again. Why did she do it? Why me? I shake my head, and stab some penne with my fork. All of a sudden, Sasha taps her glass with Her spoon. I almost choke as the noise startles me, and I cough hard as the room goes silent. They're all staring at me, and I blush again. "S-Sorry," I stammer, and they grin at me. Some laugh, but the arrows of sound are not pointed at me. Instead. They balloon out, and lift us higher. Higher onto our pedestal of predetermined failure. At least that's how I see it. They see hope. No matter how small.

                    I need to learn to see like that.

                    The room falls quiet again, and Sasha smiles. Eyes fixed on a point above each of our heads.

                    "We're relocating back to the Winter House," she says. As I watch, some faces fall. Raelyn's falls the most, and I see Victor squeeze her hand. Sasha allows a moment for the news to sink in, then continues. All business. "I know we were all hoping to find lost family members and such..." Raelyn stifles a sob, and Victor puts his arm protectively around her shoulders. I watch her. Who has she lost? Whoever it is, I pray that they're alive. If only that. I fear it's too much to pray that they're well. "...but we've already stayed way too long. There's an expiration date on these Safe Houses, and I feel like if we stay, ours will come up, and then we'll be nowhere."

                    She looks at me again. "Not that this mission wasn't fruitful. In fact, I think we got more than we expected." And I got more than I can handle. More than I deserve. "Alek is the highest we've got at this point, but if we're going to topple Summer, we're all going to have to put in the effort. You know there are people at the House that can aid us, but in the long run, it's up to us." She pauses again, then takes a softer approach. "We can do it. I know we can. I can feel it. We will destroy Summer once and for all, and the Seasons-" she glances at me again, then looks to Jacie, and finally Raelyn. "-especially Fall- will rise again."

                    "Hell yeah. Let's kick some burning ass!" Tallan says. His boisterous tone making even Raelyn crack a smile. Me, not so much. I'm stuck on the word. Burning. Flames flood my mind like torrents of a flash flood, and I burn and burn. Without a sound. It's a moment before I realize that my friends have gotten up to clear the table and wash the dishes. Only Victor and Raelyn remain.

                    They seem not to notice me. Either that, or they don't care if I overhear.

                    "Don't worry, Rae. Please. Don't cry. I bet he's safe. I bet you're worried about nothing."

                    "How do you know, Vic?" Raelyn asks tearfully. "How do you know he's not lying burned to ashes in some field in Fall. How do you know?" Her voice catches, and a sob escapes.

                    Victor's eyes turn sad, and he sighs. Leaning back in his chair. "I don't," he says quietly. "I don't know."

                    I sit forward then. "Rae?"

                    She looks at me. Her eyes are red from crying, and a lone tear stands out on her cheek.

                    "I'm missing family too. My little brother. For all I know, he could be dead. But there's also a fifty percent chance he's alive. I know this will sound corny as hell, but... the glass is either half full, or half empty." Or in my case, all empty. I can't believe I'm comforting her when I myself need someone to tell me these things, and make me strong. Make me hope. But my days of showing weakness are over. I have to be strong. Or at least, I have to get good at pretending. "If you look at it half full, things won't seem as bad. Okay?"

                    She looks at me blankly, then nods. "It's my brother too," she says. "Older. Sommerset. He's kind of the one who raised me when my parents didn't have the time." Her throat jerks, and another sob slips out. "I miss him." She begins to cry in earnest, and Victor wraps his arms around her.

                    I get up slowly. Scraping my chair back against the rug as quietly as I can. As I sink into the shadows, I hear the last whisperings of their conversation.

                    "It's gonna be okay, Rae," Victor says. I watch him take her tear stained face in both hands. I watch him kiss her tenderly. I turn and disappear.

                Who's going to tell me it's going to be okay?