Society Killed the Girl

The Morning After

          “Look, kitten. Don’t read to much into it. It was just sex, teenagers have sex. It was just to take your mind off things, it wasn’t anything big.” He explained sitting up, revealing his perfectly sculpted chest. Last night I don’t know how many times I ran my hands down it, traced every line on his tattoo and I looking at him now I wanted to do it all over again.

          But hearing his words snapped something in me, something that I wasnt quite sure how to explain. “It’s no big” I half laughed, laying down on the bed starring at the ceiling, “Its no big deal that you were the first person I’ve slept with, no big deal that my sister is dead and your cousin may be obsessed with me. Yeah, no big deal at all. Nothing matters at all.” I breathed covering my eyes with my hands.

          “Wait – I – I was your first? You didn’t even make it seem like that – if I would’ve know I would’ve never… we wouldn’t have…”

          “It’s okay Logan, and technically yes – you’re my first.”

         “Technically? There’s a technically in this situation?”

          Situation? It was a situation? All of the sudden I sucked in a large breath before blurting out something that could and most likely affect me for a long time. A sentence that I haven’t had the balls to admit since it happened, “yes there is Logan, unless you want to call getting raped –”

          As soon as the word left my lips I stopped, not being able to finish the sentence. My heart was pounding furiously and I just wanted it to stop in that moment. I wanted to be able to be like Superman, spinning around the world backwards to reverse time. No one knows how bad I wanted to take that back.

          “Raped?” He said after long moments of silence, “you were raped?” his hands wrapped around my wrists, pulling them away from face. I opened my eyes slowly, looking into pure blue grey eyes.

          “No, forget I said anything.” I lied trying to pull my wrists from his iron like grip.

          “Lying is a sin” he repeated from earlier, eyes burning into mine.

          “Look, Logan. Its nothing you have to worry about. I dont want to talk about it. I – I should probably get going anyways. Thanks for letting me crash here last night.” I pushed a stray tear away getting out of bed but before I could Logan wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me to him.

          “Let me go Logan – I – I just want to go home.” I lied again, I just had to get away from him. I needed to leave and never return or see Logan again. This was all just a big massive mistake.

          “No you don’t, you don’t want to even be in the same state as your home, and i get you dont want to tallk about it, so i'll drop it.” He guessed, not letting me go.

          “How do you figure.”

          “Because I know exactly how you’re feeling – apart from the rape part. I know what its like to have dysfunctional family, barely no friends and to want to die 95 percent of the time your awake. I know what it feels like, that’s why when Alec got a call about you yesterday I came with him. I knew what it was like to lose a sibling and completely lose faith in humanity. It’s why I slept with you last night, I knew that it was a good outlet for everything you’ve been pilling up… and don’t you dare lie to me again and say you don’t even feel a little better now.’

          I twisted in his grip, sheets still covering me. I faced him and sighed, I wasn’t the only one going through this. I knew that, but I don’t think he did get me and everything I went through. “No, no you have no idea what its like to be me mister bad boy. If you spent one day in my shoes you would crumble, break until there was nothing left of you. Because you don’t know what it feels like to be tortured everyday of your life buy someone who you were forced to call mom. You don’t know what its like to let someone in only to have them do something so – so horrible and vile to you that you want nothing more than to crawl under a rock and die.” I snarled getting up close to his face.