Moving to America

Chapter 23

"Are we friends now?" Alex asks me as I settle on the edge of his bed.

"Hmmm, let's not say friends as much, more siblings."

"Siblings," Alex repeats, as if trying out the word, "yeah I think that could work. But that doesn't explain why you are here?"

"Oh that," I smile, "we need to make a pinky promise."

"Sounds ominous."

"You joke but this is serious stuff. Promise me that you won't tell Dad."

"I don't even think I know what happened."

"Alex, you're clever, think." I challenge him. I can see him thinking about it, putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

Alex looks at me with shock, then pity. Then he almost looks mad at himself of not realising before, "you have an eating disorder."

"And we have a winner," I smile.

"You seem better."

"I am better, at least my normal self. I have never felt like that before. Helpless. Scared. Unable to see a way out." I look at the ground.

"We all have breakdowns, temporary moments of weakness. That's okay. That's normal. It's what being human is all about." Alex looks at me seriously for the first time.

"This is a new you, I've never seen you so philosophical," I comment.

"There is more to me than meets the eye." Alex laughs.

"I seriously doubt that," I snort.

Alex pushes me slightly in retaliation and I laugh. I'm happy, and that's good enough for now.

***

"Keep up," I laugh as Alex places a hand on his hip, trying to take deep breaths.

"I haven't been running as much as you lately, I've been focusing on upper body strength," he pants.

I stretch out, waiting for Alex to catch his breath. 

"Ok, I'm good to keep going," Alex says confidently, full of new life.

"Well ok then, lets see what you've got." I smile and take off running again down the now rather familiar path.

Alex is quick to catch up and I laugh as overtakes me. Challenge accepted.

***

We all sit around the table. Dad and Clara at each end, Luke next to me, Alex opposite me and Harry next to him. It's our first real meal together. I always eat at a different time to them. Although it feels strange I want this to work. I really do and that's why when I look down at my roast dinner I don't run away.

Clara thought a roast dinner would be good as it would remind me of all the good times I had with food at home or something like that.

"Nice to see you've decided to join us Amelie," Dad remarks.

"Yes," I answer, focusing on cutting up my chicken into small bits.

"I wondered if you would like to come to work with me on Monday to see what I do?" Dad looks up at me.

"Fine," I reply as I force myself to have a mouthful of potato and chicken.

"Amelie are you even listening to me?" Dad asks.

"Of course," I gulp having a couple more mouthfuls.

"So Amelie I was thinking as tomorrow is Saturday we could do something as a whole family. Where would you like to go?" Clara asks me.

Panic fills me as I realise how much more food is on the plate. How much more food I will have to eat. I breathe slowly in and out, before piling carrots onto my fork and shoving them into my mouth. Perhaps I can eat quickly, get it over and done with. No, that's worse, I feel like I'm drowning. I take short, sharp breaths.

"I'm sorry, is your food more interesting than your family?" Dad raises his voice.

"No, it's just, it's just, I don't feel very well, I'm sorry Clara," I bite my lip, trying to subdue the tidal wave of emotions bubbling inside of me.

"That's perfectly all right Amelie, but could you just try to stay at the table. You don't have to eat anything if you don't want to," Clara looks straight at me and smiles. The smile says be strong, you can do it.

I nod and remain sitting, Alex offers me a nod, as if giving me his courage. Harry beams at me as if nothing is wrong, as if I'm not broken.

Dad sighs but doesn't say anything else. This is harder than I thought it would be.