Authors Note: If I get a good number of responses, I'll continue it--SO COMMENT AND VOTE.
JANUARY.
He is in love with Kelsey. There is no doubt about it--he is definitely in love with Kelsey Ann Carter.
When did this even happen? Nathan tries to count back but he doesn't know how many months it's been. Since before Christmas? Maybe. Well, definitely since before his birthday back in July. Maybe it's even been years. Nathan doesn't really know. The only thing he's sure of is that Kelsey was his life-long best friend...and the next, she was the love of his life.
Once he realized it, he just couldn't ignore it; the knowledge that they'd be so good together. Nathan had dated other girls and he still couldn't forget. He had dedicated himself to the game and still, Kelsey crept into his thoughts. Every text, every phone call, every email—they all reminded him that he was falling helplessly in love with his best friend and that there was nothing he could do about it.
So here is—drinking and watching Kelsey flirt with her boyfriend, Brent. If he were more on his game tonight, he would flirt with some of the girls at the bar. But Nathan's just not feeling it. He can't even summon the urge to pretend to.
As he watches Kelsey play pool with Brent, he wonders when his life took such a curve. Nathan should be up playing with them. He should be laughing and being deliriously happy for his friend, who seemed to have finally stumbled into a serious relationship—with a pre-med major, Virginia Cavalier football player, no less: Mr. Perfect.
But no. Instead, Nathan's sitting at a table by himself, drinking a fucking beer.
* * * * * *
“Brent, come on! I can't concentrate when you stare like that!” The way Kelsey says it to him sounds cute. The emphasis is in all the right places and it makes Nathan frown in distaste. He's a bad friend. A really, really bad one. When he realized that he was starting to feel differently for Kelsey, he should have said something. That would have been the honest thing to do. But Nathan chose to bottle it up. "It'll pass," he had thought. "It's just a crush," he had told himself. But it hadn't and it wasn't. Every time he saw Kelsey, the feelings just got stronger which, really threw Nathan off because it never occurred to him, that Kelsey, out of all people, would be the one to catch his heart. I mean, Kelsey? The girl that he spent his entire childhood with because the two couldn't be parted for even one minute. The girl that held Nathan when he was twelve and his father died, and the girl who, although wasn't that big of a soccer fan, passed up on a date with her crush just so she could spend the weekend wallowing with Nathan over a Championship loss. They've been friends for well over ten years. Nathan would give anything to go back in time and tell himself not to fall for Kelsey and to squash the feelings down as quickly as they'd sprung up.
“Ugh, NATHAN! Come play!” Kelsey whines.
But he waves it off. Being around Kelsey and Mr. Perfect isn't exactly his idea of a “good time.” Being around Kelsey in general has become less about being himself and more about putting on an act to keep his secret safe. And that, more than anything, has really been the hardest part because being himself around Kelsey has always been the easiest thing in his life.
“Nate, I'm being serious. Come and play pool with us! I'm losing, PLEASE!”
Finally, he puts down his beer and walks over to the billiards area. He sinks shot after shot, ignoring the way Kelsey cheers him on or the way the pre-med major hangs his arm around Kelsey. When Nathan misses the very last shot, Brent cheers and raises his arms in victory. Kelsey pretends to look dejected, but goes in to hug him anyway. The sight of them together and happy bothers Nathan more than he wishes it did. Suddenly, he has an overwhelming feeling of wishing he hadn't let Kelsey talk him into this weekend visit. He should have stayed in Indiana and slept for 72 hours straight. Then he wouldn't be in this situation.
"C'mon Nathan, I'll buy you a drink." Brent offers.
If he weren't in love with his girlfriend, he would've accepted his offer. Hell, if he were better at losing, he would've accepted his offer. Instead, he declines and heads back to the table where his lukewarm beer awaits. Kelsey looks on with serious eyes, sensing the irritation on Nathan.
* * * * * *
Later, when Brent's football buddies have joined them, Kelsey finds Nathan in the back of the bar.
“Hey, what are you up to?” Instead of taking one of the three empty chairs at the table, Kelsey sits sideways on Nathan's lap, loosely wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulder. Would she still do that if she knew how he felt? Nathan loses his train of thought as he's immediately assaulted with the smell of the vanilla soap that Kelsey always buys and the peppermints that she always seem to have with her.
“Oh and by the way, thanks for making the trip out. I've missed you.”
“You just saw me three weeks ago.”
Kelsey looks at him right in the eye and Nathan feels himself getting lost. Having her close like this is dangerous.
“Well...we haven't really been connecting lately.”
Nathan should have known that Kelsey wouldn't let him off the hook. It also goes without saying that Kelsey's not just talking about the three weeks between their Christmas get-together and this freezing January weekend. It's more than that. She must have felt the shift in Nathan's behavior; the reluctance to open himself up, every time.
“Sorry. It's been crazy. I guess I just thought you were...busy.” Kelsey sees his gaze land on Brent and she leans in and kisses Nathan's cheek.
“I'm never too busy for you. Not ever. No matter what...you sure there's nothing else?”
He's never kept a secret from Kelsey and this has been harder than anything else to keep inside. It's on the top of his tongue to spill everything...
Oh you know, I'm just crazy about you. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with you. That's why I've been so crazy lately, Kels.
How easy would it be to just let it all out? With his defenses down and Kelsey so close. . .
He's about ready to tell her when Nathan's eyes shift, just the slightest bit and sees Brent over near the bar, surrounded by his teammates. Instead of concentrating on his friends though, Brent is looking at Kelsey—looking at her, as if the sun rises and sets with her. And just like that, Nathan realizes what he should have known all along. Why has he been tying himself in knots whether or not to tell Kelsey, when the answer is so simple? He can't. He can't jeopardize his friendship with Kelsey; not over a stupid little thing like love. Not when Kelsey's found someone who finally makes her happy and treats her right.
“I'm good, Kels. I'm just happy to see you.”
* * * * * *
For the next couple of weeks, things are fine. Better than fine, actually. Nathan pushes his feelings down and remembers what it felt like to love Kelsey just as a friend. They call, text, and email just as they always have, keeping in constant contact. Nathan finds that making the absolute decision to ignore his feelings instead of dwelling in the guilt helps him to pretend like everything is normal. When Kelsey laughs on the phone or sends him a sweet text message, Nathan just focuses on their longstanding friendship.
