NOT Your Grandma's Book of Progressive Erotica: Vol 8

Over

My girlfriend broke up with me several weeks ago and my life has been in shambles ever since. When we first started dating, I honestly thought that I had found the one person I was waiting for, to be married to and stop my endless search through all the wrong people. But now I know I was wrong to think that and feel so safe and comfortable with her.

Things were going so well for so long that I thought we could overcome anything that was thrown our way. Neither of us were perfect, but we were fighters and perfect for one another. Love doesn't just happen, it's something that two people need to work on constantly and I thought we did just that. Maybe one day we'll be right for each other, but in case we aren't and don't, I need to move on.

The way the relationship ended was nasty. We both said things we didn't mean and now here I am stuck in a horrible position. Between wanting to save face by apologizing to her and showing her how much I still truly care, I'm torn by the fact that I still have to let go right now, even if it's only temporary. She didn't want me to come with her when she moved away, but deep down in my heart I felt that I should secretly move with her anyway. I could find a place in the same city, get myself set up, then work on trying to rebuild what we had. Then my brain kicks in and tells me how stupid I'm being. As much as my heart aches and as much as I feel I'm doing the wrong thing by giving up, I don't want to make things worse. Losing her for a few years is nothing compared to losing her forever.

When she texted me last, she said there was no better way to get over someone than to get under someone new. Considering how she told me all about her past partners, I knew she was going to move on quickly. Maybe this time would be different, but I had no way of confirming that since she had built up a wall of silence, pushing me away and not wanting to accept anything from me, even an apology.

What was once the best thing in my life, had now become a thorn in my side and the reason why my heart felt like it was splitting in two. I felt helpless, like there was nothing I could do except move on and do my best to heal on my own. The idea of her having sex with someone new made me want to throw up, but I also knew that I couldn't stop it from happening. Whether it was some random guy, a close friend, or perhaps a fuck buddy she used to talk to before dating me, I was no longer her favourite.

Crushed and feeling hurt so badly unlike any time before, I reached out to those who would give me any time of day. I wanted to feel someone next to me, to tell me that it would be okay as they made love to me like she used to. It wouldn't be the same, but I thought it would help. If she was so adamant that it would work, then I had to give it a try. She used to be the one person I could trust, confide in and go to for support when I needed it the most. I didn't just lose my lover, I lost my bestfriend.

As the chubby, cute blond laid on her back, I continued to penetrate her as if she were my ex. She may not have been as slim, but because her hair was the same colour, I felt like I could have a second chance at making love to her one last, final time. Maybe I'd fall for her like my ex and just move on, using her as some sort of replacement for the pain I was in. Maybe I would just be sugarcoating it and I'd end up waking one day to realize I had put myself in a situation where I was living a lie. Since I had never slept with someone to rebound, I couldn't be certain of how things would turn out.

Focusing back on the woman I was using to get over my ex, I felt her body against mine and imagined my ex. Everything felt the same and she even used the same perfume, which was a complete coincidence. Her lips felt perfect against mine as well and then I finally said it, my ex's name.

That's when I stopped making love to her and opened my eyes to hers. Her face was similar, but it wasn't her. Tears began running down my cheeks and I hung my head as I began wiping them away.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I don't know if I can do this."

She grabbed my hand, pulling it away from my face and looked straight at me.

"You really loved her, didn't you?" she asked.

I nodded slowly.

She wrapped her legs around me and then placed a hand on my cheek as she kissed me softly.

"I've been there before. I know exactly how it feels and it hurts more than words can describe."

Pausing, I took in the words she had just said. She knew how I felt.

"I know I may not be her, but if you need this right now to get you through, I totally understand. Just try not to say her name again, okay?" She added with a sweet smile.